263 Thought Process (2/2)

My ears perked when she said that same phrase to me once again. This was a phrase that brought back many memories of the alternate past where Luna was dying from that disease of her's. It was a phrase Mura had uttered to me when I was suffering from a fracturing relationship with Irina. It was a phrase...that had helped me mend that relationship.

”There are people in this world that care for you,” Mura continued, and I looked over at her with my eyes widened. ”There are people in this world that doesn't want to see you hurt. They don't have to necessarily be your family. They can just be total strangers you come across in life that you bond with, and end up becoming closer than family.”

”I...” I opened my mouth to speak, but I slowly closed it as I was still unsure as how to put the emotion that I was feeling into words to communicate it.

”You don't know what to say, right?”

Mura continued to gaze at me with that caring and soft expression on her face. Next to her, Emilia was also looking at me similarly. However, her countenance had something else mixed into it. What it was though, I do not know.

”You don't need to know what to say,” Mura continued. ”You don't need to necessarily know what combination of words can communicate what you're feeling. Communication isn't simply limited to words. For example, like this.” She placed her hand on top of mine and gently squeezed it. Slowly, she looked up from our hands and to my eyes. ”Do you understand what I'm trying to communicate to you right now?”

Yes, yes I do... It's not that difficult to interpret. It's just that...it's rather difficult, almost hard for me to recognize it. If I do come across signs like this, my mind will always automatically translate it into something negative, thinking why would something like that happen to me? Why would anybody like me? Why would anybody even want to be near me? It is this train of thought that had kept me going ever since that incident with my father's suicide, but...it is also this train of thought that is ”poisoning” my mind.

”Don't be scared of mistakes,” Mura continued in a soft voice. ”You're still young.”

”...” I remained silent as I pondered over what she had said to me.

”You're still confused,” Mura smiled as she released my hand. ”Then try and figure it out.”

I glanced over at Emilia, taking in her expressionless face. This topic that Mura's speaking of...she probably does not understand it in its entirely. This...is probably a learning experience for her as well. But...what about it for me?

I sat there on the lounge chair, remaining still as I thought about what Mura had talked to me about. It's a topic that...even I know is extremely relevant to me. I...I cannot continue on like this. But...this has been who I am, who I've been. It's...not that easy to change who I am, and I won't abandon who I am.

”If you want to think it out,” Mura softly whispered. ”Feel free to stay here.”

I peered over at her, taking in what she had said just before she returned back to leaning back against the lounge chair and enjoying the weather. Accepting her suggestion, I remained still, sitting in the lounge chair and trying to find a solution, trying to find an answer to this...situation. But...all I could encounter is simply a dark nothingness.

To be fair, there's really not much for me to think about. There's...not anything that I can think about that could be put into words. This...is a difficult concept, something that I can only think about emotionally but not literally. If it was so easy, then it wouldn't be so difficult.

When I've realized it, the sun was already setting, dyeing the world a color of a beautiful sunset orange. I was the only one present in the yard, with Emilia and Mura both probably having retreated to the house while I was deep in thought. From inside the seaside house, I could hear the sounds of life. The others probably had returned from the beach, maybe even so for sometime now.

I slowly got up from the lounge chair and made my way back to the sliding glass door that lead inside the house. Inside, Mura and Muria were standing in the kitchen, preparing food for dinner with Irina helping them out. In the living room, Noah, Zaksus, Loyd, and Zevin were sitting around with the television on.

”Hey,” Loyd greeted me when I entered.

”Where were you?” Zaksus asked. ”You said you're gonna catch up with us, but all you did was change into your swim trunks and sit in the lounge chairs in the yard.”

”My bad,” I responded.

I surveyed my surroundings, in search of the missing members. Alvelyn was no where in sight, but based off of that uneasy feeling in my chest, I can feel that she was...feeling rather uneasy.

”Where's Alvelyn?” I asked.

”Erith's teaching her how to swim,” Zevin answered. ”And Luna went to watch.”

”I didn't know that Alvelyn doesn't know how to swim,” Irina chuckled and commented from the kitchen.

Knowing that I walked over to the front door, thinking of going to the beach and to check up on them.

”I'll be back in a bit,” I said before opening the door and stepping out.