24 Chapter 23: Ishib sam ? (1/2)
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Short fingers were holding his like the pink-haired boy's life depended on it so Jungkook never tried to let go of them, his eyes focused on the road in front of them. They were near his apartment – their apartment – and he really hoped he wouldn't have to pull over again because it would have been the fourth time in less than an hour. He knew Jimin couldn't help it, it was the medicine that made him feel sick but the guilt was obviously written all over his face; he was looking outside the window as if it was the first time he was seeing Seoul. It sure felt like it.
Taehyung took the news that Jimin was moving out better than they both expected and even confessed that he believed it was the right choice too. He wanted his soulmate to be happy and if that meant him living with Jungkook then he couldn't oppose to his decision (he had to promise he would visit a lot, though). Bunny was going to stay with the acting student so he wouldn't feel lonely but he would spend the weekends at their place because Tae was usually busy during those.
Milo was sitting on the backseat and his seatbelt was on as Jimin insisted on him being safe at all times. A lot of other things were placed next to him, all the stuff the younger stored inside his hospital room during the days he spent there.
”Here we are.” Thankfully, his usual parking spot was empty so the tattoo artist hurried to stop the car and to open the other's door before helping him up. Light pink was already dusting Jimin's cheeks because of the cold weather and he whispered a small ”thank you” before letting himself be guided towards the entrance of the building. ”Why are you so quiet, baby?”
”I'm nervous, I guess.” The pink-haired boy whispered and cleared his throat before pressing the button of the floor they needed to reach. He knew it was stupid because it was an empty and familiar apartment he was going to see but he couldn't help feeling like a merman who just was offered his own pair of legs. Every step he took was insecure and it might have been the thought that he wanted to be so much better that was pressuring him. Thankfully, Jungkook was right by his side and there was no doubt that he could sense his anxiety.
”I've got you, angel.” The words were reassuring but he only hummed as he waited for his boyfriend to unlock the front door. He had a copy of the key in the backpack he left inside the car and the thought alone was overwhelming because so many things were changing in his life. It was exciting but he was a scaredy cat and the predominant thing he was feeling was fright. He was still a bit dizzy so he felt grateful when Jungkook helped him untie his shoelaces. Comfortable slippers were placed in front of him and he smiled when he noticed the colorful cats decorating them.
”They're so cute!”
”I thought you'd like them.” Even if the tattoo artist was momentarily having a hard time managing his money he was still showering him with small presents so Jimin wrapped his arms around him shyly. Physical contact was sardonic – he craved it with every cell of his body but he found it painfully hard to bear it. He found it hard to explain that but thankfully, Jungkook was perceptive enough to see through his actions and he never pushed him beyond anything he could stand. An arm rested with endless gentleness on his lower back and he felt lips searching the skin of his forehead before he pulled away and headed towards the living room.
The chamber was dark and he was about to ask Jungkook if his things were still in boxes when he turned on the lights and was blinded by five silly smiles. He jumped startled at the loud ”surprise” they all shouted in unison but managed to read the enormous banner stuck to the wall. ”Welcome home!”
”Welcome back, Jiminie!” Hobi was the first to step towards him and by the time he was pulled into strong arms he was already crying, unsure of how he was supposed to handle so much love coming from his friends. Jungkook was their accomplice because he was grinning as he was watching them going from one hug to the other, his only care being the comfort of his boyfriend.
The small party didn't last long but it turned out sweet because it was clear that everyone was genuinely glad the boy was feeling better. They each ate a slice of cake Seokjin baked for the event and decided not to overstay, Jimin's tiredness obvious. The latter thanked them an endless amount of times for all the care he has been shown and promised each that he was going to hang out with them during the following few days. As soon as the guests left, the short boy allowed himself to take a seat on the couch, exhaustion washing over his body and frustrating him to no end. It must have been evident because Jungkook did the same, doe eyes searching his expression with worry.
”I'm sleepy again.”
”Why don't you take a nap-nap while I prepare lunch?” He was going to prepare the younger's favorite and he hoped that would brighten the gloomy mood his boyfriend seemed to be in. The doctor explained to him that it was going to take some time until the medicine would show its benefits and he had to be patient and supportive, no matter how difficult Jimin would become.
”Sounds good.” He didn't move, though and silence filled the room for what felt like hours before he continued. ”I'm sorry I'm so –”
”Hush, sweets. A few more days and you'll begin to feel better.” He's heard that hypothesis so many times that he could cry because things never seemed to change and he was close to believing it was a lie. He could only imagine how hard it must be to spend so much time accompanied by half a human being. A strong arm slipped under both his legs and he was lifted in the air and forced to grab onto the other's shirt. He closed his eyes and took in the minty scent surrounding him until his body was placed on soft sheets and covered by a fluffy blanket. ”Go to sleep, baby.”
Milo was by his side when he woke up and a faint smell of stew kimchi flooded his nostrils, urging him to stretch his limbs. The curtains were pulled so he waited a few seconds for his eyes to get used to the darkness before slowly climbing off the bed and letting his sock-clad feet take him inside the next room where he found Jungkook with his headphones on, his backside moving in rhythm with the song he was probably listening too. He smiled widely at the image and took a few seconds to memorize the picture before wrapping his arms around the small waist of his boyfriend, taking him by surprise.
”Hi there.” Jungkook whispered as he turned the music off and moved so he could kiss his forehead. ”I hope you're hungry.”
He didn't protest when way too much food was placed in front of him and instead chose to thank the elder who was searching in the fridge for orange juice. He poured two glasses and raised his eyebrows when he realized his baby was staring at him intently, the same smile plastered on his face.
”What?”
”I was just thinking about how lucky I am.” His near-death experience changed the way he was viewing the things he had in his life; he didn't take things for granted before because it was not in his character to do so but he was trying to appreciate every little detail. He read all about great loves but he was sure it was rare to live the kind of story they were going through at such a young age.
”We both are.” They have been glued together during the meal and as soon as they were done Jimin decided he should be the one washing the dishes as he didn't cook but the tattoo artist was too headstrong to let him ”tire” himself for such a thing. Jungkook didn't want to intrude so they had yet to unbox his things and find a place for everything and that was probably going to take all the evening.
Three new shelves have been fixed onone of the bedroom's walls and they were wide enough to fit all the stuffed animals Jimin had and the books fit in Jungkook's library which was taking an entire wall of the living room but the biggest problem represented the clothes because they were thrice the number the elder's closet could hold. There were stuff Jungkook never ever saw before and they were all beautiful so he wondered why his boyfriend hesitated to wear them.
”Can I take half of the desk?” The brown-haired man nodded without a second thought.
”I think you'll use it more anyway.” The younger hummed and neatly placed his notebooks on his side along with a few other small things, unaware that his lover was still looking through the clothes that they didn't manage to find a place for. ”Min?” Curious cinnamons turned to meet his browns. ”Do you want to play dress up?”
Jimin has never done anything like that before, not even with Taehyung who was a shopaholic and who loved to parade his designer clothes around but the idea sparked his interest, especially because he suspected Jungkook was going to pick the outfits for him.
”Okay.”
There were a lot of overalls so for the first round the man chose a simple one made of jeans that he paired with a striped black and white sweater and fluffy pink socks. Jimin changed in the living room and opened the bedroom door shyly when he was done, slowly stepping inside and stopping to make a pirouette that had Jungkook grinning like an idiot.
”Wow, my kitten looks so pretty.” Chubby cheeks colored so he got up from where he was sitting on the floor in order to approach their owner and kiss them soundly.
”You really think so?”
”I'd never lie to you. You know I think you're the most beautiful boy out there, don't you?” There was no secret that Jimin loved praises and with every word, he watched him slipping into little space, his plump lips parted slightly and his pupils dilated with no apparent reason. He nodded sheepishly and sat beside the other as he picked a few more outfits, some of them involving items he never wore before.
Jungkook's approval made him feel good so he drank in all the compliments, eager to obtain more with each look, becoming more and more confident in himself. He had to admit that his boyfriend was not half as bad as he expected when it came to styling, unafraid to using sparkling materials and pastel colors in combination. The last one involved an oversized white sweater and short baby blue pants that were paired with knitted thigh highs and a baby blue beret and that became his favorite because doe eyes simply lit up at the sight of him.
”Oh my – you look like you could model for a magazine, cupcake.” The pet name was a new one but it didn't fail to make Jimin feel sparkles inside his tummy so he executed his usual pirouette before kneeling in between the other's parted legs in order to approach him like a cat. Jungkook's warm palm caressed his cheek gently as the tip of their noses brushed and he was lifted and placed on a safe lap, his legs on either side of the tattoo artist's torso. ”I'd mistake you for a prince.”
Jimin giggled and welcomed the lips that were pressed on the corner of his mouth. He rested his head on a wide shoulder as soon as he had the opportunity and they didn't talk for a while, large hands rubbing his back lovingly.
”I thought you got bored of me.” The whisper was barely audible but he was proud of himself for being courageous enough to bring the issue up. The therapist he has talked to told him he should get all his dark thoughts out of the system so they couldn't push him towards worse actions and most of them were related to their relationship.
”I'm sorry for making you feel like that, I'm such a mess when it comes to being a Daddy.” Jungkook said and pushed him back gently so he could read his lover's expression. ”I don't think I'll ever get bored of you, Min.” He was going to do his best to better himself when it came to their dynamics, he was willing to learn more, to meet more people who were into the same kind of things because he has been hurting Jimin unconsciously. ”Have you thought about what you are going to do with the university?”
”I think I'll freeze the year and look for a part time job so I can afford all the therapy sessions.” He decided to go twice a week to a specialist and the meds were not that cheap either. ”What do you think?”
”I'll support you no matter what you decide, baby.”
”I feel like I'm not a whole person anymore.” He confessed and gulped the knot that formed inside his throat, not wanting to involve tears in the conversation. It was frustrating not to be able to study literature anymore but he noticed that he could barely focus on anything for more than a few seconds and that meant there was no way in which he could pass the exams. The doctor has told him that if he was going to react well to the pills he could stop taking them in about a year or so and he was grasping on that idea like on dear life. ”I want to feel like myself again.”
”We must take in consideration what's best for your mental health. There's nothing shameful in being sick, love.” Jungkook knew him well enough to realize he was feeling guilty for everything that was going on. ”It won't be like this forever even if it feels like it.”
It felt like March consisted of pain alone. There was no day in which Jimin wouldn't wake up in the middle of the night and start crying, apologizing again and again for feeling the way he felt. It usually took more than an hour for Jungkook to help him calm down as he kept reminding him that no one was blaming him and that it was not his fault for hosting such emotions. He had a hard time waking up in the mornings and barely spoke half of the day, his frustration growing with each passing hour because his brain wouldn't allow him to think straight.
The tattoo artist came with the idea of them wandering around Seoul for hours before going to sleep and the routine seemed to help a lot so they followed it religiously. Jimin gave up on pretending that he was alright because the act itself was draining and his fast changing moods almost pushed Jungkook to the brink. They never once argued, the elder choosing to use the anger he was feeling in his work. He always woke up tired but one look at Jimin's sleeping form was enough to remind him what he was doing that for. He started kickboxing once again and the pink-haired boy spent Saturday evenings dancing with Hoseok in order to release dopamine because their personal life was a mess.
April came bearing hope. The first weekend had Jungkook waking up to an empty bed and as soon as he opened his eyes he realized it have been the third day in a row in which they didn't wake up in the middle of the night. His first reaction has been to barge inside the bathroom which was empty – all the sharp objects have been ”hidden” – and then headed to the livingroom where he found the TV on, Adventure Time was playing on mute but his boyfriend was nowhere to be seen. He was ready to step towards the kitchen when Jimin came out holding two huge cups of coffee he almost dropped when their eyes met.
”Good morning.” He smiled shyly and watched as the tattoo artist grabbed one of them. He pursed his lips and received a loud peck before sipping from his warm drink, enjoying the sweetened substance.
”Good morning, peach.” Jungkook hesitated to ask how he was feeling because he didn't want to make the other feel like a patient. ”It looks like we're going to have a good day.” Jimin giggled and nodded before raising on his tiptoes to kiss his cheek.
”Are you going to the parlor today?” He shook his head at the question.
”Do you want us to do something special?”
”I want to spend the day with you.” It felt like the first time in forever when the pink-haired boy was obviously better but Jungkook knew exactly when the progress started and that made him hopeful that it wasn't just a ”good day” but a mood that was going to generalize. They have spent a lot of time together ever since they moved together but they couldn't say those were necessarily happy times. There have been exceptions – a shower they took together in which they playfully styled their each other's hair with shampoo, an hour of hysterical laughter at some silly joke, some drawing sessions – but it was hard not to let them be overshadowed by the hopelessness nestled inside their brains.
Little space metamorphosed completely; Jimin could only cry and cling onto him, begging him not to leave him alone, not to hate him.
”Of course. You have a therapy session later, right?” The boy nodded and bit on his lower lip.
”Would you – uhm, help me decorate my diary?” They had a lot of cute stickers around because Jungkook tried to use sticker charts to encourage his boyfriend that he was amazing even if he was doing basic things. He received a sticker whenever he woke up before 9 or ate all his breakfast, when he remembered to write in his journal or took his pills at the right time. The truth was, Jungkook was proud of him because he was obviously fighting, even if he felt like a wreck.
”Do you want to use stickers or do you want us to draw on the pages?”
”Both?” He chuckled and kissed a soft cheek.
”Okay, angel, but we need to have breakfast first, okay?” Jimin nodded hurriedly.
”Can I help?”
They had pancakes and he was happy to see that the younger was willing to finish his share because he previously lost his appetite because of the meds. He offered to clean the table as the boy looked for the pink notebook and his glittery pens they were supposed to use. Milo was resting against the small pillows on the couch when he joined his baby and he smiled at the image. Jimin had his tongue stuck out as he was focused on drawing what seemed to be a few sparkly hearts in the corner of a page.
”Should we start with the stickers?”
”Can I have a butterfly on the cover?” The sparkly butterflies were special because they were offered to him only after a week of completing all his tasks and he was very proud whenever he received one. ”I've been good, Daddy.”
His eyebrows rose at the name he's been called and he smiled happily because his little was not crying while doing so.
”You can, sugar. Go ahead and pick the one you like the most.”
”This one, please?” A chubby finger pointed to a bright blue one and he kissed the side of his head before whispering to him that he could go ahead. He stuck it in the middle of the front cover, right above the square that informed everyone that the notebook belonged to ”Park Jimin” and the latter squealed enthusiastic at his handiwork.
”Great job, kitten.”
It was not rare that Jungkook was joining his boyfriend at his therapy sessions and he was happy whenever he was informed about the progress the boy was making. The doctor wanted to change his meds with something lighter and that meant they were on the right path.