Chapter 4: The Most Important Matter in Meatbun’s Life – translated by Spence (2/2)

I was totally stumped. What should I say? Do I congratulate them? Jumping up, I grabbed the two pets, kicked open my door, and stomped towards Gui and Wicked’s room.

“Gui! Your son seduced my daughter!” I roared as I kicked their door down as well.

After I made my entrance, I looked at the two people in the room, rubbed my eyes and looked again. Then my jaw dropped. This wasn’t my imagination; I was really seeing Gui on top of Wicked. To be more specific, both of them were on the ground tangled together, and Gui, who was on top of Wicked, looked up at me, obviously shocked as well.

“Uh… Sorry to disturb you guys. I’m so sorry.” After a moment, I rubbed the back of my head, slightly embarrassed, and closed the door.

“Prince, Your Highness! Wait! This is a misunderstanding!” Gui’s desperate cries rang out from behind the door.

Then, with a cry, Gui crashed through the door. I dodged nimbly and watched as Gui landed in a heap beside me.I looked back into the room and saw Wicked standing straight as a pole, with a vein popping out of his forehead and his right foot out. Clearly, the culprit responsible for Gui’s sudden flight out of the room had to be Wicked.

I glanced at Gui, who was now dazed from the fall, then at the furious Wicked, and I asked stupidly, “Are you guys playing SM?”

“NO WAY!” Wicked said through clenched teeth.

“Then why did you kick Gui out? Weren’t both of you…?” I paused there and coughed; it is something that should not come out of a lady’s mouth.

“NO!” Gui and Wicked shouted at the same time.

“He suddenly jumped on me!” Wicked said while shooting daggers at Gui with his eyes.

“Oh Gui, aren’t you a bit too rough?” I asked with a shake of my head.

Gui’s blood drained from his face and he hastily tried to explain. “That was an accident, I didn’t mean to…!”

I interrupted, “Oh, so you couldn’t stop yourself?” I nodded in understanding. Well after all, Wicked is a hottie as well. Of course Gui couldn’t resist the temptation, so he jumped Wicked…

“…I just heard your cry all of a sudden, so I tripped and accidently fell on Wicked! That is all!” Gui finished his sentence. Then when he heard what I had said, his face went blank.

“Prince!” Wicked’s passive face had suddenly changed. “Your left hand…!”

My left hand? I looked down. My poor left hand had been holding onto Fire Phoenix the whole time and now the smell of freshly roasted meat was wafting from it.

“Ahhh!”

After everyone had been drawn over by my scream, they all stared at me with bewildered eyes. Hence, I was forced to explain why I had kicked Gui and Wicked’s door open while Ice Phoenix tended to my mutilated left hand with red potions.

“In summary, Meatbun and Fire Phoenix are getting married,” I finished.

Upon hearing the news, their reactions all mirrored my own—mouths and eyes wide with disbelief.

“I know that pets are able to get married…but I’ve never heard of such a ridiculous pairing.” Fairsky said while giving weird looks to the nuzzling love bird and meat bun.

“Master, I am going to marry Meatbun,” Fire Phoenix told Gui in an almost commanding tone.

“Oh…” replied a bemused Gui who didn’t look like a master in the least. Then he frowned. “But how do you get married?”

“No idea,” Fire Phoenix said nonchalantly.

“Do you really want to marry my Meatbun?”Seeing Fire Phoenix so void of responsibility, I immediately thought with some anger, I don’t want to marry my cute little Meatbun to this, this haughty chicken! What if it takes advantage of my Meatbun? What if it cheats on my Meatbun?

Fire Phoenix nodded seriously. “I really like Meatbun.”

I attempted to stare Fire Phoenix down, but it didn’t back down. Instead, it raised its wing in a protective position around Meatbun. At last, I sighed and thought, It looks like Fire Phoenix sincerely likes Meatbun. I shook my head. In this day and age, not only can you not keep a grown-up daughter from marrying, you can’t even keep a daughter that is a meat bun from marrying… But thinking on the bright side, at least from now on this couple can specialize in making me barbeque anytime I want.

With the heavy heart of one about to be parted with their only child, I said, “Then it’s settled, let me consult my game guide and check how pets get married.”

“Game guide?” Phoenix asked suspiciously. “Second Life has gaming guides?”

I shrugged, “I don’t know about others’, but mine is called Lolidragon.”

Opening the PM channel, I briefly told Lolidragon what happened. As usual, she laughed until she almost died before answering me. “Pet marriages are simple, as long as the pets themselves agree. Then, just have the one of the masters express the wish to be wedded and when the other agrees, the ceremony is complete.”

“Gui, do you agree for your pet Fire Phoenix to take my Meatbun as its bride?” I asked as soon as Lolidragon finished.

Gui, under the fiery gaze of Fire Phoenix, said without hesitation, “Yes, I agree.”

Gui and I were both stunned. Failed? I asked Lolidragon again, and I even told Lolidragon verbatim our phrase usage.

“That’s strange, there’s nothing wrong. Are you sure they want to get married?” Lolidragon asked in confusion.

“Of course; they are the ones who suggested it in the first place.”

Lolidragon was silent for a moment. Finally she said hesitantly, “Prince…ask Fire Phoenix and Meatbun about their genders… I just remembered that Phoenixes come in pairs—they can be both male and female. Seeing as Fire Phoenix is a “Fire Phoenix”1, then…”

“Fire Phoenix… are you …female…?” I asked with a blank face.

“I’ve always been female,” Fire Phoenix said angrily.

Black lines dropped from my face. What the hell is this? It’s enough that I met a bunch of gays around, now even pets are doing it? What has this world come to? With this revelation, my head began to ache horribly. “You’re female and Meatbun is female, so how can two girls get married?”

“What are you talking about? Meatbun is male,” Fire Phoenix retorted in an annoyed tone.

Everyone’s widened eyes immediately turned towards Meatbun. Meatbun…is male?

Don’t tell me…the reason for the failure before… I said hesitantly, “Gui, do you agree to let my pet Meatbun take your pet, Fire Phoenix, as its bride?”

Gui paused, and then answered, “I agree.”

…What the hell?

[½ Prince Volume 4 Chapter 4 End]

Footnotes

1 Fire Phoenix: Since phoenixes are called “凤凰”, they say that “凤” refers to males, “凰” refers to females, and the two words together refer to phoenixes in general. Here Fire Phoenix is addressed as “火凰”.