2 2-August, Senior Year (1/2)

Three years since I discovered I'm gay, still only my sister knows. My parents are oblivious thanks to my genius deflection.

Three years of my dad getting on me about when I'm going to bring some nice girl home, and my mom yelling that I shouldn't rush, that the right girl will come when the time is right.

Yeah, let's see how that works out.

The first day of my last year of high school is tomorrow, August 19th, and honestly I think I'd rather dive into a pit of venomous snakes.

Living in Waco, Texas isn't easy. Or at least in my case, Waco can be awesome when I try hard enough to forget that I'm as straight as a spiral staircase. Even still being in the closet I feel the pressure and how unwelcome it it to be gay.

Arriana is losing her mind with excitement and I wish I could relate. She has plans to meet her friends before school and go to Starbucks and gossip in the morning. Today she's going with her friends and go to Richland Mall for a new outfit and to get her nails done and what not.

When she first found out I was gay, she thought it meant I was going to always want to shop with her and help her with her girl stuff but the reality of the situation didn't meet her expectations.

I sit on my bed and stare at my wall, begging tomorrow to never come, when Arriana knocks on my door.

”Caira will be here in ten minutes, it's not too late to decide you want to actually look decent tomorrow. Maybe even get a haircut?”

”What do I get out of it?” I look her and sit like a super villain, stroking my chin.

”Get a hair cut and get some decent clothes and I'll get you Chick-fil-A and Dippin Dots.”

”Define decent.”

”A six out of ten on my scale.”

”Deal,” I jump up and grab my shoes, phone, earbuds, and wallet. My sister knows me too well. She knows my weaknesses!

I walk out of my room to find my mom ”folding” at the foot of her bed as she pretends not to eavesdrop. She's been begging me to get out of the house all summer, it's just been harder for me as it gets harder to hide such a big part of myself.

”Josh! Honey, you're out of your room,” She jumps up and comes darting toward me, ”Are you going with your sister to the mall? It could be fun, you might even see your friends there.”

”Yeah, I'm going,” I shove my hands into my jean pockets and try to avoid meeting her piercing grey eyes, ”She thinks I need a haircut and new clothes, but I just want the food.”

She jumps over to her desk like a freaking ninja and grabs her wallet. She hands me forty dollars with probably the biggest grin I've seen since Arriana and I were really little.

”I think she's right, you've just sat at home the past two months. You are such a good looking boy, and your hiding it inside with your hair covering your sweet eyes and old clothes hanging.”

She pouts and puts her hand on my cheek, ”Mom, come on, I just wanted to chill this summer. I'm fine,” when she doesn't seem convinced I try to give her a real smile, ”Really, I'm fine.”

I pull her hand down and she pulls her arms in close to her narrow shoulders.

”I worry about you Josh, something seems different. If something is going on you can tell me honey,” she comes closer and pushes back her light, hazelnut brown hair, ”I just want you happy again.”

I pull her into a hug, only now realizing how things really have changed. Freshman year, I was maybe an inch taller than her, now it feels like I have a whole foot on her. Freshman year, I would have told her everything and did, now... Now I just settle for small talk when I see her at home.

”I love you mom, and as long as you love me, I am happy.”

She pulls me back and wraps her hands tightly around my fairly thin arms, ”I will always love you, and don't you dare ever think otherwise. You will always be my little boy and nothing could ever change how a mom loves her babies.”

God I hope she's right.

I give her a kiss on the cheek and rush out to the living room to find my dad rummaging in his briefcase for his keys. Again.

I reach over to the small bowl on the counter and whistle to get his attention. As he looks up I toss him the keys.

”Thanks champ! I can never remember where I put the damn things,” he clips them to the bag and stomps over, pulling me into his signature dude hug where he crushes me with his tall frame and broad shoulders, ”You ready for tomorrow?”

”Are you?” My dad leaves for a business trip to San Antonio tomorrow morning. He hates them but he's damn good at them. He's been in insurance sales for almost 15 years now and is gone almost every other week.

”No, I want to see you off to your final year of high school, not stuck on some stuffy plane for two hours. But I will promise you that I will be here for your graduation.”

”Thanks dad, but I think you'd much rather be home when Arriana brings her Prom date over.”

His face goes stiff, ”I'll be sure to leave the shotgun where you can get it. Make the twerp piss himself.”