Chapter 205 - Love takes flight (1/2)

The peace and tranquility of the quiet nook Jos had found inside her once favorite room of the palace was now being invaded. She took the steaming mug Raven handed her but shifted her gaze away from the fairy's seeking gaze.

”You seemed genuinely happy for the first time in a long time last night.” Raven's eyes continued to rove over her friend. ”I haven't gotten a chance to talk to you in private since everything happened... How are you actually feeling?”

Jos frowned at her friend's uncanny ability to read her moods. She shrugged, focusing her attention on the steam rising from the mug. ”Where would you like me to begin? Half my life is falling down around my ears just as another part is finally being restored. I'm not sure if I should be happy or sad... The council knows everything between Russ and me, so I doubt even if these trials end well, we'll ever get to see each other again.”

Raven nodded as she took a drink of her coffee. ”Is that why you... did what you did?”

Jos stared down at the frothy liquid in her cup. ”I've always been somewhat self-deprecating; you know as much.”

Raven reached out and placed a light hand to Jos's knee. ”There's a difference between self-deprecating and... that... What happened exactly?”

Jos let out a long sigh. ”I felt trapped... I saw how my actions had affected you guys, how they are still affecting you... and I couldn't stand the guilt in that moment. I guess while left on my own with my own thoughts, it just seemed like the easiest way to help you all.” She shook her head. ”All of you have done so much for me, risked so much... I'm not worthy of any of it... and to think I gave into Russ and his entire attraction to me in the first place was because of the curse.” She finally met Raven's eyes. ”I still feel sick every time I think of the possibility... that I...” true to her words, she began to choke over her words. Finally forcing them out, she blurted. ”Raven, it would have been no better than ****... of someone I've all but help raise. It's wrong, I'm a sick person. I deserve to be punished over what I've done.”

Raven scrunched her brows as she squeezed Jos's knee tighter. ”Jos, even if it is the curse and not Russ's true feelings, there was no way you could have known. It's not your fault.”

Jos shook her head vehemently. ”You're wrong. I even told him I was cursed, and we shouldn't be together.” A tear trailed down her cheek. ”It was the curse that drew Xavier to me... had he not been, Shelly may not have ever been hurt. I'm to blame for everything that's happened to her as well.”

Raven bent and forced Jos to meet her gaze. ”Jos, you can't keep blaming yourself for everything bad that happens around you. I was there the night Shelly met that asshole Dante, I was there when they ran into each other outside the bar... Hell, I encouraged you and Russ to get together in the first place. It was my stupid idea that you stay with Xavier! Do you blame me for what happened?”

Jos's eyes widened as she set up. ”Of course not. You made decisions based on the moment, decisions I agreed with and went along with. I could have easily said no to all of it. I could have... should have moved out the second Russ started showing signs...”

Raven squeezed her knee again. ”Stop blaming yourself. Stop thinking of all the things you should have done differently.”

Jos let out a heavy breath, ”It's hard not to reflect on my nearest past when I'm getting constantly skull f.u.c.k.i.e.d by my oldest mistakes.”

Raven furrowed her brows, ”Wanna talk about that? May help take your mind off the current debacle.”

Jos let out a half-hearted laugh. ”I don't know considering it's directly interlaced with the present.”

Raven rolled her eyes as a faint smile spread across her lips. ”True, but at least it seems a bit more promising than the others. His family seems to all fall at your feet.” She lifted her brows indicating the room around them with a wave of her hand. ”Including THE god of the sea.”

Jos nodded, a frown settling over her expression as her focus fell back to the mug. ”If what Arei says is true, it's more because he wants something from us than actual approval or feelings on the matter.”

”And you think he's telling the truth this time?” Raven asked seriously.

Jos nodded, ”There aren't much of my memories that haven't returned, and I've been able to puzzle most of them out. Arei isn't the bad guy I'd thought him to be all these years. He dropped hints that I didn't understand, flat out told me the truth the night my memories were taken...” She shook her head. ”I can't explain how I'm feeling about it all right now, but I am comforted in the fact that I know he would never push me into anything I didn't want and that the curse doesn't affect him.” She gave a sarcastic laugh. ”Hell, if anything he will only continue doing his best to talk me out of being with him.”

Raven was about to question her further, but Andy busted through the library doors and called out. ”Breakfast in the kitchen! Hurry up we have a surprise for you after!”

Jos nursed the now cold coffee in the mug she held as she watched Andy move around the kitchen in a bright, chipper mood.

”So, Arei said the council called this morning. It looks like the trials will resume in another day, but that you and Shelly are permitted to stay here for now at least.” She turned a bright smile to Jos. ”In the meantime, he and Peg came up with an interesting idea as both a general skill you need to have along with the fastest, best way of getting to know 'the real' Areion.” She winked. She all but danced over and took the cup from Jos's hands. ”Trust me, you'll not need this with what they have planned!” She caught Jos's wrist and tugged her toward the back door leading out to an expansive courtyard.

Jos's eyes widened in shock and amazement as two massive, winged stallions waited in the clearing. They were magnificent, mirrored images of each other except one was as white as snow and the other was a solid black. The only identifying qualities that remained of the men underneath, was the intelligent eyes staring back at her. Pegs silver eyes gave the white stallion even more of an ethereal glow, while the dark black of the other stallion made the many shades of blues and greens that made up Arei's mesmerizing eyes pop even more.

Andy leaned in toward Jos to whisper. ”Alright, so I'm going to warn you and Arei's going to be pissed that I did because it will ruin some of his fun, but he can talk in that form. He's one of the few who can!”

Jos's eyes widened even more as she approached the black stallion. She reached out and ran a hand over the thick, shiny coat of fur. ”You're beautiful!” Her gaze moved away from the soft velvet of his neck to his eyes. ”I don't understand why you don't use this form more often. It's incredible.”

When he didn't answer, Andy did. ”Because he has always associated that form with all the vile deeds and harsh wars the gods had forced him into.” She sent the horse a look. ”I've already told her so you can drop the act.”

The horse whinnied in irritation. ”Damnit, I was going to surprise her!” Arei bit out.