174 Trouble in Athens (2/2)
Massive hands gripped each arm of the chair Jos sat in as the strong sent of sandalwood and ocean filled Jos's senses. The stubble of a well-groomed beard tickled her face as lush full lips moved across hers. Every fiber of her body wanted to wrap up in the ghostly familiarity of those lingering lips and masculine sent, but the tiny voice of reason that had been on vacation for the better part of the past six months, finally decided to choose that moment to step up.
Jos pushed against the hard body pressing against her lower legs as all the anger, irritation, heartache, loneliness, worry, depression, love, betrayal, and confusion of the past 520 years came flooding out at once. ”Stop kissing me like you own me or something!” She hissed as she followed his falling frame to the floor, straddling his hips as they landed. She pounded her fists against his chest as angry, hurt, irritated tears streamed hotly down her cheeks. ”You gave up your chance to kiss me, to touch me! You don't get those back!” Her sobs grew louder as her hits began to lose steam. ”You can't just come back into my life and make me fall in love with you all over again... it's not fair...” Her fists rested against his chest as her head lowered. Her eyes were squeezed tightly shut as her next words came out as if torn from her. ”I can't... I won't turn my back on Russ like you did me... It's not fair... Besides how can I ever trust you again after all the lies? I've caught you and Ry both up in so many even now!” Her words came out as hoarse cries, tearing from her throat. She hadn't planned to bring any of this up, but he had asked for her honest feelings after all. Her words died off as more sobs drowned out any other sound in the room.
Arei couldn't help his bewildered expression as he stared wide-eyed up at her. In all her tears and rage, she was still the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen. She felt more deeply and with more passion than anyone he'd met before. And for all the good it would do him; she was openly admitting she still had feelings for him. Arei couldn't stop the curve of his lips as he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her down against his chest. ”Shhh, it's alright, Kitten. I understand. I'm sorry I've put you in a position where you feel like you are or will be betraying someone you care about.” He held her tight as her sobs grew harsher. ”I'd love to explain away the past, give you reasons and logic for all that happened, but the simple truth of it is nothing I can say now can change what happened... or how you feel for someone else now.” He slid one hand up to her hair and began stroking it in long soothing strokes. ”I still love you, and I always will... but part of that is also wanting what is best for you.” He placed a light kiss to the top of her head. ”Whether what's best is that pup or not, if it's what you truly want, I'll not stand in your way any longer.” He tightened his hold on her, refusing to let go quite yet. ”I'll step back... I'll help you in any way I can, but-”
”Stop!” Jos cried out as she pushed against him, lifting her head to stare down into his stormy eyes. ”This is half the problem! You keep saying you want to help, you want what's best for me, you're doing so much for me, Shelly, and even Russ... It only makes it harder for me!” More tears streamed down her cheeks causing the hair closest to her neck to cling to it. ”If you really want to help then tell me the truth for once...” Her coarse words came out in a pained whisper.
Arei brushed the strands away, moving his gaze from her hair to her glistening, watery eyes. He considered telling her everything, but would she believe him this time? She hadn't before. Would they forever be stuck in this endless loop of lies and betrayal? ”I'm sorry, I can't tell you more than I already have. I swear to you, if I were able, I would. Believe me, it would be to my benefit if you were to learn the whole truth... but I can't... I'm not trying to make anything harder for you. Besides that, what else is it I'm doing that's making things so hard for you?”
”Everything!” She sobbed as she let her head fall back to his chest. ”The constant lies aside, you act so perfect... you're everything I'd thought you were back then, plus so much more...” Her words broke.
His brow rose in surprise. ”That doesn't sound like a bad thing, Kitten...”
She pushed back up angrily. ”It is if I'm trying to stay indifferent to you!” She buried her face in her hands as more tears poured down her cheeks.
Understanding dawned, and Arei sat up and gently pulled her hands away. When she dropped them to her sides, he ran the pads of his thumbs along the trail of tears to dry them. ”Look at me, Kitten. I'm sorry that I'm causing you so much pain, but you have to know nothing you've said here tonight is making any of this easier for me either.” He held her gaze for several minutes before admitting. ”I spent the better part of 500 years thinking you'd hate me forever and never forgive me for what had happened. I know I messed up then, just as I have this time as well.” His eyes locked with hers as he traced her jawline with his thumbs. ”If all you give me tonight is forgiveness and an emotion that's not hate... I'm fine with that.” His eyes searched hers as he added. ”But I'm not giving up on a future with you, no matter the capacity... Friend, loyal bodyguard, or hell even servant... I don't care.”
She shook her head. ”No, why would you want that? Why would you think I'd want that? It would be torture for us both!”
Arei sighed, ”I'd rather deal with torture than lose you again.” He held her stare, watching as her expression changed, as some of the past spark those glistening orbs had once held when looking at him returned. He slid his hands around to the back of her head bringing their faces closer together. He rested his forehead against hers and held his breath expecting her to pull away at any time. When she didn't, he smiled. She didn't fight against him as he brushed his lips lightly against hers. Instead of pushing him away, this time he could feel her hands knotting in the fabric of his shirt pulling him closer. He studied her for a second questioningly, before bringing his lips back to hers in another soft, teasing sweep. He wrapped her tightly in his arms holding her against his pounding chest. ”I love you so much still. I can't lose you again...”
Her phone on the table began to ring snapping her out of the trance her body and mind seemed to be under. She pushed against his broad shoulders to stand. Lifting the phone from the table with one hand and trying her best to brush away her tears with the other, she replied. ”I'm not yours to lose anymore. This has to end.” Nodding down to the phone as her finger hovered over the talk button, she added. ”You need to leave.” She said flatly.
Arei shook his head. ”We need to work this out.”
She glared down at him. ”Not until you are willing to tell me the entire truth and explain to me why the memories, I do have of us is so distorted and jumbled.” She arched a brow. ”Are you ready and willing to do that right this second?” When he only stared up at her, she shook her head. ”I didn't think so. Leave...” She growled and turned her back on him dismissively. ”Hey, sorry it took me so long to answer. N... no... I'm not busy, right now is fine. How'd it go? Tell me everything.” She struggled to keep her tone level and forced a smile as she talked.
Arei stared up at her from the floor. She was so much different from the shy girl he'd met all those years ago. She'd grown in to so much more than he could have ever imagined. He watched as she pushed down her grief and forced a smile. Her capacity to care for others and put their wellbeing ahead of hers was annoyingly impressive, he had to admit.
Jos turned toward him and shooed him toward the door with her hand sending him an annoyed glare as she lipped 'leave'.
Arei frowned back at her as he pushed himself up from the floor. His eyes scanned over her rigid body as she tried to mask her emotions for the boy on the other end of the call. There were two things he hadn't lied about. He couldn't tell her the full truth... but he couldn't lose her either...