45 The heart can only believe what the eyes see (1/2)

Joslyn emerged from the bedroom a short time later.Xavier was ending a phone call as she entered the large living room.His eyes met hers as he stood up from his leaning position against the glass of sliding doors leading onto the back patio.”Ready?”

She nodded as he began to walk toward her.She had tucked his shirt into her shorts to keep the tee from completely covering them, but she still felt a bit uneasy as his smell emanated from the fabric.

Xavier lightly paced a hand to the small of her back to guide her through the spacious garage, stopping in front of a sports car. He opened the door to the driver's door and stepped aside, ”Want to give her a spin?”

Joslyn shot him a surprised glance before looking back down at the car nervously, ”Are… are you sure?” she stammered.

The corner of his lips turned up into a crooked smile, ”Of course, why not?”

She shrugged, ”If you insist, I'll never say no to driving such a cool car.” She lowered herself down into the driver's seat, as Xavier brought the door closed behind her. She watched as he walked around to the passenger side. His body seemed much more relaxed than it was when they first entered the house earlier, but the lines of his face still showed signs of tension.As she studied him, she took note of the sunglasses resting on the top of his head.[That reminds me, I never did ask him about the real reason he wears them.] Joslyn decided to ask as he set down into the passenger seat.”So, I've been meaning to ask, why do you always wear sunglasses?”

Xavier's shocked and evasive expression was enough to indicate a more intricate reason than just hiding the occasional reflection of light, that most people wouldn't even notice let along be able to link it to what he was. When their eyes met in the reflection on the passenger window, he closed his eyes tightly before lowering the glasses down over his eyes…. But not in time to hide the glow that was radiating from them.

Joslyn tilted her head in curiosity, ”It has something to do with the odd way they glow doesn't it?”

Xavier ran his hand through his hair as he continued to avoid her gaze nervously, ”Yea, kind of…I… I…” He glanced her way before changing the topic. ”Um, go ahead and start her up.”

Joslyn sighed as she started the car, ”You don't have to tell me, it's ok.I was just curious.Your eyes are so beautiful, I can't imagine covering them willingly.”

Xavier let out a surprised gush of air, he finally turned his head toward her finally meeting her gaze. ”I… I…. Its… I mean…” he ran his hand through his hair again as he looked toward the radio panel of the car. ”I've never had this conversation with anyone before…” He glanced back at her, seeing the open curiosity shining brightly in her aqua eyes. ”How much do you know about vampires?”

Joslyn's hands fell away from the keys as she turned toward him. ”Not much. I was raised on a very secluded island in the Mediterranean up until moving to the states 15 years ago with Raven and the twins.”

Surprised filled his eyes again, ”Oh, I see. Well go ahead and start driving and I'll explain on the way.” [She is finally opening up to me, so I guess it's only far…. But I wonder how much she can accept…. Before she freaks out and runs away like all the others…] Xavier turned his head away from her as pain filled his expression.Though he had sunglasses on, she had a way of reading him mood that no other person had ever been able to do. As Joslyn turned the key he fought with the best way to break this information to her.He pushed the button to raise then lower the garage door as she backed out, then ran his hand through his hair again as he began to speak.”So, I guess a good starting place would be to explain a bit about vampires.You remember, I told you that my father had children with several other women in the hopes of creating a more powerful vampire. The women were of different species for the most part as well, giving all of his children different… abilities….” He watched her face carefully as he said the next words in a near whisper, ”My mother's abilities… she was able to read minds…. And control them to an extent.” He searched her face for any sign of disgusted or fear but when no signs could be seen he continued. ”Vampires have the ability to influence minds and control individuals to an extent, but because of what my mother was… what I am… direct contact with my eyes automatically impact the looker.Instead of being like most vampires, strengthening themselves to have more control over people I have to take extra measures so that my will, will not be pushed onto someone else.” When she glanced over at him with a questioning look, he clarified, ”As long as you can't look directly into my eyes face to face, it's fine.Contacts actually work well, but the salt water irritates them so bad that I prefer to just wear the glasses.”

Joslyn nodded in understanding, ”So that is why you walked away in such a hurry earlier?” she glanced over at him. ”You didn't want to influence my… actions?”

He nodded looking away, a slight blush coloring his tanned checks. ”Yea, more or less.It was fine that night in the ocean because I was sure our desires were the same, but that is why I didn't make eye contact with you when I asked if you wanted to continue or not.”

Joslyn didn't take her eyes off the road as she asked the next, more troubling question. ”You said your mother could read minds, does that mean you can as well?”

Xavier looked over at her his brows arched in response to her unasked question, ”If you are asking if I've read your mind, then the answer is no.I can't read your mind, I can't read most minds, actually.”

She glanced his way, ”I have the feeling you're leaving out an important part of that statement.”

His checks colored again as he began fumbling with the dash buttons, ”I can get impressions…” he answered evasively.

She arched a brow in his direction, ”Meaning?”

He chuckled as he finally gave up and looked up at her, ”I can read your… and most other peoples emotions.That's why I left in such a hurry earlier. Your emotions were a very deadly mix for a man, ya know.”

Joslyn could feel her face heat up as she recalled ALL the emotions running through her earlier. She cleared her throat and wiggles uncomfortably.

Xavier shot her a knowing grin, ”Yea… So, I'm sure you can understand.The temptation to act on those emotions… to encourage those desires with one steady gaze…” He readjusted his shorts and position in the seat.”It's more temptation that I can handle.”

Without thinking, Joslyn asked the first question that came to mind. ”Then why resist?”

Xavier choked on the question, shock oozing from every pore. He sat up and bent over toward her until his lips were only inches away from her ear. He brushed her hair back behind her ear before whispering, ”Is that what you want? For me to resist the urge to seduce you? To take away your ability to avoid me? To make you fall in love me… against your will?” He gently stroked his fingertip across her the curve of her ear as he watched the emotions play across her face.”I'm not sure it would take removing my sunglasses, would it?”

Joslyn slammed on the breaks causing him to slam against the seat, his hand going with him. ”Too much?” He asked as he ran his hand over the sore spot that had hit the window.

Joslyn let out a huffed breath, ”No, its….” She sighed again, ”I'm sorry. I'm just not ready.” She glanced over at him shame mixed with pain clouding her next words, ”You probably understand my emotions better than me at this point.I… This is kind of embarrassing to admit at my age, but I've never been in a relationship. My entire life was spent avoiding any kind of bond or relationship with the people around me.”Her words trailed off as the memories flooded her mind.

Xavier straightened in his seat, ”I can understand that being what I am, I've spent the better part of a century avoiding people.” He nodded toward the stirring wheel. ”Why don't you get the car back on the road?I promise I'll keep my hands to myself for now.”

Joslyn placed the car into park and shook her head, ”I'm sorry, I'd really prefer you drove the rest of the way.”

Xavier glanced around, ”Um, we are on the median of a very busy road, I'm not sure that's possible.” He glanced over at Joslyn, but before he could say more he noticed the tears trailing down her cheeks. He clamped his hands over the hand that was trembling on the wheel. ”Joslyn, look at me.” Liquid pools of aqua met his gaze. ”Joslyn, I'm sorry.Whatever you've been through, whatever you're going throw, whatever awaits you; I want to be there for you in any way that you need me. If that means as a friend, then so be it.” He cupped her face as the tears continued to roll down her cheeks and over his hand.”I know this isn't what you want to hear right now but… I…. I… L…” Flashing light from behind interrupted what he was about to say.A bright light shown in from the passenger side window and a hand extended out to tap on the window. Xavier let his hand slide away from her face as he blew out a sigh and pressed the button to roll down the window.

”Is there a problem here, guys?” the officer asked as he flashed the light into first Xavier's face then Joslyn's.

Xavier removed his glasses, ”Well this should answer any questions you still have about me.”

”Excuse me?” the officer said, ”Mind stepping out of the car son?”

Joslyn stifled a tearful giggle as Xavier handed her his glasses and shot her a wink as he stepped out of the car. Within seconds later he was getting into the car again.

Joslyn nickered, ”Well, that didn't take long.” Their eyes met as he settled into the seat, but he quickly looked away and held out his hand for the glasses.Joslyn's eyes widened as new understanding hit her, ”Oh… sorry, here.” She watched as he replaced the glasses on his face. ”Thank you… for what you said earlier, I mean.”

Xavier turned toward her taking in her, looking her over before answering. ”I mean what I said.” He shrugged as an amazingly bright smile lit up his features, ”Plus, hey, cold shower save on my electric bill.”

Joslyn busted into laughter, ”Is that so?”

Xavier's smile softened, ”You should never stop smiling like that. It's absolutely breathtaking.” He took her hand and placed a light kiss on her knuckle before setting her hand down on the gear shift and adding, ”Now what do you say we get rolling?”

Joslyn watched as he pulled his hand away from hers slowly and couldn't help overwhelming guilt that slammed into her as she shifted the car into drive. [I really don't deserve such a nice guy. I'll only end up hurting him in the end…] She felt his soft fingers trace her knuckles again.She glanced over at him, her foot still on the break.

He smiled, ”Whatever you're thinking right now… don't.” He traced a finger over her fingers. ”Drive; let your worries go and remember you'll always be safe with me. No matter whatever else may be going on.”

She shook her head in agreement and pushed down on the gas pedal, but the guilt only slightly subsided. They fell into idle conversation through the rest of the drive.

As she pulled into the parking lot outside Calypso's bar and grill, she glanced around the parking lot for any familiar vehicles. After identifying only her own car, she pulled into a slot and turned off the car. Her mind was such a fog that she didn't even notice Xavier watching her.

”Are you ok?” Xavier asked.

His voice pulled her from her anxiety induced mental fog, ”Huh? Oh… yea… I guess I'm just a little nervous about running into… him…” She fumbled with the keys as her mind continued to travel over the worst-case scenarios. ”I knew it would end badly… getting involved with someone who was already like family and the horrible part is, I knew from the get-go it would end this way. I… I just ignored logic and let my foolish emotions take over.” She covered her face with her hands, ”I'm so stupid.”

Xavier took the keys out of the ignition and stepped out of the car. He walked around to the other side of the car and opened the door. He held his hand out for her to take it. when she did he pulled her to her feet in front of him. ”If you want to leave say the words, at any time.It doesn't matter now, later, in middle of swamp soup… I don't care.”

She chuckled through the tears building in her eyes, ”Chowder… It's chowder!” She shoved him playfully before lowering her head and whispering, ”Sorry… I don't deserve your kindness.”