74 Do I Care? No (2/2)
”Is it though? Do I even deserve to live? What is the point of me living? What is the point of me getting up from this slump?” Regan whispered, tears running along the edges of her emerald green eyes, ”Who am I helping by getting back up? Who's going to pat me on the back for trying to get up after killing the only people that made me want to live?”
”Yes, you deserve to live and it's to pay for your sins. The lives that you have taken, pay them back by devoting yourself to others. Would it be better that you become a model of how others should behave? Should they go ahead and kill themselves just because they faced a challenge in their lives? Because that's what you sound like,” Vixen sneered, tossing Reegan aside harshly, ”I say this to you every day but somehow you have managed to plug your ears permanently. Everything that you have done is shameful and worth despising but the fact that you don't even want to take responsibility for them is repulsive.”
A pang of pain traveled up Regan's arm from where her arm had slammed into after Vixen's violent shove. She weakly leaned against the foot of her bed and succumbed to the tears forming in her eyes.
”Your approach to life is worth abhorrence, even more than the fact that you killed. You want to be saved but make no attempt to show that you deserve it and end up becoming more of a nauseating mess to look at with every passing day,” Vixen scowled, his face scrunching up at Regan as she cried at his feet, ”stop being even more of a hindrance to look after and at least try to fix your appalling mindset. It makes you better to look at.”
”Appalling mindset? Hahaha,” Regan chuckled, the lightness in her laugh due to listlessness, ”why are you even here then? Why do you even try and help me if in your eyes I'm a rotten human.”
Vixen looked down at her, hesitating at first, ”I don't know myself. Maybe it's because I had higher expectations for someone who never deserved them. I can't even say I'm disappointed because I've been disappointed too many times in my life that the word itself has lost its meaning.”
”Ha…” Regan muttered, burying her face in her hands.
”Ha indeed. To be honest, I came here for a reason and had something to tell you,” Vixen sighed, slowly walking away from Regan.
He bent down at the place he was once sitting in and picked up his phone, ”now I can see that you don't deserve it after all.”
”I guess so…” Regan sighed, a little chuckle escaping her lips, ”How do we always end up like this? It's like we're having a perfectly good conversation and boom, it goes downhill.”
”Probably because I'm trying to talk to someone who refuses to listen and every word that comes out your mouth is nothing but pathetic excuses to stop yourself from growing up,” Vixen snarled, ”of all the people I've talked to, you perplex me the most.”