Chapter 173 - You want to chase me away (1/2)

|Eshan|

Do people ever have that feeling like banging their head or beating the hell out of themselves? Maybe, yes. They might not realize how absurdly ridiculous their actions are. When the realization is dawn on them, they might feel it. I had that urge too.

When my self-control had snapped and gave in my desires, I did not think about the repercussions of my actions. I did not think if Innaya was ready for it or not. I did not ask for her permission. I did not care if she was startled or not. I did not care if she wished to get intimate with me. Without caring about her mind-set I was almost imposing myself upon her. I did not think if my appearance startled her or not.

I was getting too carried away. The moment a drop of water fell on my arm, the desire clouding my head instantly cooled down. It was as if someone ducked my head inside the cold water, submerging my head. My lips left hers and what I found immediately made me want to disappear into nothingness.

How could I do this to her?

Innaya's eyes were tightly closed. Her face had gone completely white because of the lack of oxygen. Did she not breathe? Her struggle was written on her face. With her both the hands held above her head in my tight grasp, fingers of my left hand digging in her shoulder blades, and my knees brushing against her, she looked so vulnerable. Her condition was that of the drowned cat which was pulled out of water- scared, fearful, and wary.

The knot of the towel was loosening and I could see it was barely hanging. Just a slight movement and the piece of cloth covering her dignity would fall. I left her wrist, bringing them back to her side. Without a second thought, I unbuttoned my white shirt and wrapped it around her.

Her single teardrop was enough to extinguish the fire burning in my heart. It instantly put away the flames of desire, leaving away the heavy black smoke of guilt.

She shivered, and I had no idea why. Did I frighten her? It could be the reason. The shame of my hasty and imposing actions was washing over me, making it hard for me to breathe.

I watched her with weary eyes. Why did I lose control?

I could walk away, leaving her alone. Or I could stand and console her, apologizing for my abrupt advances.

I choose the latter. I couldn't bear to leave her alone when she looked so lonely.

My hands shook a little when I made the decision. I pulled her in my arms, silently holding her small figure in my embrace.

”Breathe,” I said while rubbing her head. Her bun had at some point come undone. Her hair covered her back. I dared not to make direct skin contact with her, after what just happened.

Innaya seemed to have heard me for she released a shaky breath. I could feel the slight trembling in her body.

”I'm sorry. I… I shouldn't have done that.” I felt hard to say anything when my throat was clogging up. I didn't know what to say.

I was at fault here.

Innaya remained silent only taking deep breaths. I didn't understand what was going inside her head. Was she blaming me? If not for that single tear of hers, would I have gone ahead? Would I have removed the barrier between us, making her mine in all senses?