Chapter 125 - Grievances (1/2)

|Innaya|

Eshan refused to look at me as if he was not present in the room. Well, I did not find his behavior unexpected though. I was expecting it. I was expecting a lot more, and thus I had not tried to approach the topic.

The man sitting before me had punished himself. He had locked himself in that house which had our worst memory just because he had handled the situation wrongly. He had thought that I would accuse him of rushing our marriage after knowing about his love for me. He had cried before me, thinking I would misunderstand things and... him. I still recalled his words of that day.

*

”Somewhere, I feared that you would blame me for this marriage. You would think that I had rushed everything because... because I was in love with you. However, trust me, it was not that case. I... I did not know that it would happen so suddenly. Grandpa and I had talked about it, and we were going to wait until you turn 24-25... Then Grandpa...”

”When I was taking him to the hospital... he had me swear on you to marry you. He knew, eventually I will put forth the marriage proposal, but I don't know why... He took the promise that I will take care of you and your family. I would have done that without binding you in this forced relationship if-”

”It was a couple of months later Grandpa's demise that Naina Mom called me regarding our marriage. She had asked me to bring my family. Trust me Innaya, I had no idea. I was happy taking care of you from the distance.”

*

I now understood the 'if' he had used that day. The words were on tip of his tongue, and at the last moment, he had stopped himself. Vaguely he had mentioned my mother's involvement. How he knew nothing about our marriage until my mother called him.

From his point of view, his fears were coming true. I could not fault him, and neither could I fault myself. We are humans. We can not control our thought processes. What we will think, and why we will think that way, is beyond our control. Otherwise, would not half of the world's problems seized to exist?

Eshan caressed Fortune's head. Fortune responded to Eshan's gesture by snuggling close to him. I felt jealous. Was I feeling jealous of a dog because Eshan chose him?

Absurd. Totally absurd. I knew I should not feel that way. It was not that the distance between us was going to be permanent. No, it was not.

'We are going to be okay.'

'We are going to be okay.' I repeated it over and over again, for a countless time in my head. I wanted to believe it, and I would.

”Eshan,” I called out his name. I would not let any misunderstanding ruin what we were having. I would talk before spoiling everything.

”Huh?” Eshan raised his head. His expressions looked startled. Was he thinking about something?

”I wouldn't deny that I had thought the same. Deep down I know you wouldn't have done so but...” I trailed off not knowing how to continue. I missed being in his arms. Had I been caged in his strong arms, listening to the beating of his heart, inhaling the perfume he used, I would have had a great chance at staying calm.

Right now, my thoughts were jumbled up, and I was a bundle of nervousness. I could feel my palms getting sweaty. Wiping them against the fabric of my cloth, I also followed Eshan's suit and sat on the ground.

I did not dare to get close to him. There were two reasons, first being Fortune, and second... Eshan.

He had distanced himself. This time I did not want to take the initiative. He had to do so because I was feeling tired of making him see things through my point of view.

He should acknowledge that my point of view also mattered. I also deserved to know the truth. I would not break down if I knew things rather I would feel that I was important. They involved me in their life.

What everyone had done, made me feel like an outcast. A fragile outcast, who needed people to look after her.