Chapter 63 - I dont deserve you (1/2)

|Innaya|

Have you ever experienced the feeling of extreme anguish? That feeling when you are very hungry, there's a plate of your favorite food in front of you. You are just about to dive in, and the plate is snatched away.

How would you feel?

Maybe, that feeling would be able to explain one-hundredth of what I was feeling. Did I hear him wrong?

Why?

Did he not want me in his life?

Why did he not want me in his life?

I could try to apologies and ask for forgiveness, but the way he avoided me, it appeared everything had ended between us.

However, the pain in his voice was unmistakable. I could see how he was hurting too. Then, why?

”Leave me. I don't deserve you,” Eshan said with great difficulty. I could feel his chocked voice and his pain while uttering those cruel words. I could see it was hurting him.

Wait, what did he mean by he didn't deserve me? It was clearer than water that I did not deserve him.

”Eshan?” My voice came out choked while tears blurred my vision.

”No Innaya... I was at fault... I have hurt you... yelled at you when I should have explained patiently,” Eshan retorted, shaking his head, not meeting my eyes and the way his voice faltered in- between I could see how guilty he felt.

In this world, men found pride in never accepting their mistakes even when they were wrong. They always wanted the woman to bow down to them, irrespective of her being at fault or not. How I got so lucky to meet a man like him?

”Even after knowing about your fears from the very start itself, instead of clearing them, I lashed out at you. I am bad, very bad. Damn me. I deserve to be in hell,” Eshan mumbled, burying his head more in his bent knees that he had pulled up.

I kept the fist against my mouth, pressing it hard so that I wouldn't interrupt him with my cries. He was in pain, and his words were conveying the depth. I had never seen any man cry, in my life.

What do you do, when you have to watch the man you deeply cared for crying before you? I had no answer. The best thing I could do was to let him vent out his pent up emotions.

”I deserve to be punished. Punish me, Innaya. Leave me to let me live alone. Let me suffer, the way I am suffering from these past days. Punish me.” His body shuddered. I resisted the urge to hold him again, yet the treacherous sob escaped my lips.