Chapter 28 - Panic Attack (1/2)
|Innaya|
Arjun dropped me at home after the unexpected meeting at Mr. Roy's place. He had stayed for the dinner, telling me some funny incidents. Somewhere, he felt the need of giving me company and I truly appreciated his thoughtfulness.
The jokes, incidents that Arjun told did not do the job of taking my mind of, off the things but his efforts did. Amma and Arjun did not let me feel alone, even for a while. Amma requested or rather say ordered him to stay as it was late. They both retired to their respective rooms after wishing me a goodnight. I too left for my room, to get freshen-up and ready to spend one more sleepless night.
The magnitude of the situation dawns completely and with much more force when you are alone in the confinement of your own comfort. It felt more than true as I lay on the bed in our bedroom, alone. Nothing more than the presence of someone special, someone who has managed to evade my heart and mind lately, I longed for at the current moment. How I wished for him to be with me and shove away the loneliness I was feeling. I closed my eyes trying to find the lost solace and peace of my mind.
***
”You ungrateful brat, you won't get any food.”
”You ugly girl, go and stay in your room.”
”How dare you eat this?”
”Don't have any manners.”
”You shouldn't have come in this world. You are a bad omen.”
”Dare you, speak a single word.”
”This is your punishment. You will stay locked up in the storeroom until you learn your lesson.”
”You will eat this or stay hungry for all I care.”
***
Those words by that woman continuously rang in my ears while every memory attached to those incidents plagued my mind. My breathing laboured while black spots started clouding my vision as the loud cries left my mouth. As if, my mind was trapped, in that horrendous and horrifying period, I felt no longer in control of my own self. I wanted to break free. I wanted to come out of that illusion which once was a reality.
Heavy pants left my lips, as I could no longer breathe properly. Gasping for air, I tried calling for help, apart from sobs no sound came, I could feel my throat burning along with my eyes, as they stung because of hot tears flowing through them. Drowned in my own agony, I did not hear the hurried footsteps nearing or did not realize when someone rushed in opening the door.
”Innaya, my child, what happened?” The female voice felt too familiar and too close.
Was it GrandMa? What was she doing here? I desperately tried focusing on her face yet all I could see was a blurred outline of someone. Something wet and cool was moving on my face, while someone pulled me into sitting position. My feet were being rubbed and some words were spoken that I couldn't figure out.
”Innaya”
'Eshan?'
”Innaya”
'Eshan is here. How?'
”Innaya, can you hear me, sweetheart?”
'Yes, I can. However, I can't convey you. Eshan, please make it go. Eshan, please.'
”Innaya, focus on my voice.”
”Breath in.”
”Hold it there.”