Chapter 1093: A kiss (1/2)

He waited for her to say something.

Sofia then said

'I heard from Sina that I am your first love'

Azief was surprised at this sudden sentence but he nodded. Sofia wipes the tears that is dripping down from her eye using her sleeve and she said

'Are you sure that you love me?' she said. Azief frowned and shakes his head, his eyes seem to shake'

'What's that supposed to mean?'

Sofia did not stop and she said

'Or do you have feeling for me because I am the girl that got away? And you think that by having me, you would feel that you accomplished something?'

These hurtful words come out of her mouth even without her meaning it.

For some reason, there is anger, confusion, hesitation in her heart and what comes out from these feelings is these words.

Words that are used to hurt. But once it is spoken, you could not take it back

'A lingering feeling that you could not forget. Is that why?' she asks. Azief did not immediately answer. The words do hurt him but he knows that he could not lash out right now

He needs to be calm. Because he knows that if he falls to this and started speaking without thinking, then he might say something he regrets.

He knows that speaking in anger is not good. So, he tries to calm himself down and he listen to the question and then after a few second, he nodded

'In a way, yes'

Sofia expected it but Azief was not finished

'The memory lingers because the memory is beautiful. And because it is beautiful, I could not help but attracted to it. Like a thirsty man in the desert attracted to the oasis 'Then he chuckles a bit and then he said

'You know, when the Fall first happens, I met a guy named Tan. He was my partner for a while.' He went silence for a second. The memory of that moment is still there. It is still lodged deep in his memories but time unusually dulls all pain

But the lesson he learned from that still lingers like a scent that could not be erased.

then he continues

'You see before he died, he wanted to see the picture of the woman he loved. His face at that time full of pain and regret. Because he knows he would never see her again. I try to search for her but I never found her. Maybe, she too had died in the Fall. Or maybe her face had changed. Maybe, she had died long before Tan had ever died. I promise myself that I would do whatever it takes to survive. That I would be cold if it's necessary. Everything is a tool. That is what I decided. Why?'

'Because creating connection and losing that connection made me weak. Made me feel pain. And so, I try to avoid it' He shakes his head and then said

'And then…. I met you, in an abandoned mall. You could not have guess the shock that I felt in my heart. Before that moment, I have long forgotten you. You are my first love that is true. But years had passed by then. Life happens and before that moment I do not even remember you'

He chuckles a bit and then said

'But that's the thing about first love. It is never truly gone. That day I saw you and slowly I remember back all those feelings of my juvenile year. I try to be cold and try to be the dude that would do anything for survival.'

'But did you remember what I did? I gave you things, points, help you and even risk my life for you fighting that crocodile. Damn, it does seem that I break my own character. It was like I was back in high school and wanting you to notice me. It was like those years that passed had not happen at all'

Sofia listens as Azief continues

'You said that I love you because you were my first love. You were not entirely correct. I was attracted to you because you were part of my happy memory. And the painful ones too. I love that memory and I love that memory of you. And I also love the woman that is in front of me now, scars and all'

He sighed and then he said

'We did not talk much when we were in school together. But that feeling of butterflies, knowing that as messed up as I am, that I could love someone who did not know that I even exist, that feeling is beautiful'

Sofia shakes her head and said