61 Episode 57: Nerd (2/2)

”... ooh, ooh...!

I hope you don't reveal it. But I can't help but relieve myself of the thought of being worded and shaped. Such a contradiction.

But I still want you to know. I think so. If I'm weak and you don't understand, if I'm not needed, I won't ask for it either. Don't seek, I have been so deluded and mean.

”You don't have to fake it anymore.”

”... because of me, always annoying, al-kun, suffer...! If I'm stunned, I have to be expected, I can be free... If I don't, I can't breathe, but I can't help but bend myself and wish I hadn't disappeared like that, it's hard, it was hard!

I couldn't have said this without Yufi's support. This is my weakness. I thought it was something I should never show you.

”My father and mother respected me. I've always felt it was for me, even if it was tough on me. All I can do is betray it. It's always been... bitter and...! You can't tell me... you can't tell me...! I can't even stop being me, but I can't believe I'm accepting... it's just my best...!

”... Yes”

”I'm just glad you complimented me. If I were to tell you to be king, I wanted to respond. That's the only reason why I could be my daughter......!

Magic is my pride. But all I have is magic. That was all I had. If that's unacceptable...... what's it worth to me?

No matter how much Father and Mother acknowledge, I would be ineligible as a princess if the state did not. I can't be the king the country doesn't want. I can't be. That's what I can't do without killing my heart.

I thought how many times I'd dump this country. I thought if you didn't need it many times, throw it away. Still, it's the two of us who are my parents who have been so nice to me.

Far from the shape we wanted, we were family. I wanted to be with my family. With your father, with your mother, with Al. I tore my family apart like that. I can't fix it completely... it was just painful.

”I don't want to be king! You don't want to be! Why would you be king if everyone wouldn't admit it? But if I tell you to be, I'll make you admit it, if you are! But it's not, it's not! I just wanted you to laugh! I wish everyone would have laughed! I just wanted the magic to make everyone happy! And yet you can't even use the magic you asked for, and even if you find a replacement, it's derogatory! Then tell me what to do! What was I supposed to do!?”

... I spit it all out. What was accumulating in my heart. That was painful, but it got lighter. I'm sorry, it's unusual. This is how I really feel.

You could have been king if you were to be recognized. Because I can't admit it, I didn't want to be king until I pushed those unacknowledged people away. Because that's not my ideal.

Such a child's eclampsia. It's not good for me to say it. Still, this is what I meant when I couldn't fake it. I can't tell you, I've been hiding it... it's my wound.

”You must have been too kind. You're too kind to be nice to yourself.”

Hold Yuffi tight as he holds my head in. I get caught up in the warmth.

If you don't have to work hard anymore. If you don't have to be king.... Is it good to stay like this? If I don't have to deserve to be king, can I be forgiven for that? If I'm not even allowed to do that, I don't know where to go.

”... What the hell is a country that has to be king until you make someone like this cry? If you want to, why didn't you notice that you were crying? If you don't want to, but you want me to be king, what's that for? That's what I think. Sire.”

Unexpectedly grab Yuffi's arm. I'm not crying because I want you to tell your father that. It's just that I... wanted a place where I could stay weak.

I can't hurt anyone, I can't hurt anyone. I just wanted a place like that. So if there was a small world out there, I would be happy with it.... I was satisfied.

”If we all don't want kings, we just need them. I'll take it. If you want me to be the one to lead this country. That's why I was raised.”

”............... oh yeah”

I hear your father whining. I'm too scared to see what you look like.

”... I thought you were a laborious daughter, but that was my immorality that wasted my time”

”... no, it's not. I don't want you to think that way. Because I still couldn't change......!

”If it can change, then so be it.... but you couldn't obey the Spirit. If a country is abused for” just that, ”you can't tell me what it's for.”

Father groans without power. Then there was the sound of something hitting the desk with momentum.

”... Huh, we should still have reformed it! No matter how much blood you bleed!

It was my mother who beat my desk vigorously. My mother chewed off her lips and was shaking if I raised my face to too much noise. You tapped that fist with the momentum of smashing your desk, with fragments scattered.

”We sent it first! I didn't think that was a mistake. When the time comes for our governance, and until the time it sprouts, it is right... and that's why I endured! That's it! It's normal for a royal child to carry it...!

”... Mother. But there's nothing wrong with that...”

”Still you cry!? I wish you would have blamed me for that, that it was my fault you were born without magic! Why, Anisphere...! Algardo too! I still look out and just defend my country... I can't protect you guys!!”

Tears are transmitted on her mother's cheek, trembling as she leans down. No, that's not what I want you to say...!

”Still, that's why I hate it when your mother says you should have bled! I couldn't help it, I couldn't help it...!

”Yeah, I am. As Ennis said, there's always no choice in the country.”

It was Llumiel who spoke out in a grumpy manner. Soon she stopped by her mother's side and slapped her mother on the shoulder.

”That's why I'm telling you to discuss it.... you just need to talk a little bit. If I look at you, I'll see. What was wrong was that I couldn't walk away. And it must be a custom from the past not to allow that. It is neither the past nor regret that you should change. It's a reality, isn't it?

”... lumi, but”

”But there's nothing there! You guys are still exchanging words like this, but you can even regret it, but you just cry peach-perchic!?”

Shut off your mother's words about to say something, catch your eyes and Rhumiel yells.

”Regret as much as you can! Not while I can! If you're gonna mourn, you can do as much later as you want! Freedom to immerse! You're also free to move on! But hey!... I've never had a good time holding him by myself.”

... My ear hurts.

If you think about Llumiel's past, it also hurts my chest just to imagine what thoughts are in there.

”... in terms of parenting, we've all failed.”

Huh, the pompous and the head of the Sprout Knights muttered. The Knights captain, who has been holding back until now, is scratching his head casually.

”I don't want to blame the Ministry of Magic, but honestly, don't want to resent me. It's true that we were being held by them.”

”Right.... I just thought you should grow up tough to entrust the next era to your child.”

It is Lord Grants who whines to the Knights of Sprout to be in tune. Only Lord Grants is as usual. This situation makes me horrified by the immovable Lord Grants.

”We abandoned our personal desire to stabilize the country. I don't see that as a mistake....... but it must have been a mistake to impose that on the kids. You had a falling out on us for not being able to identify a change in time. But that's also another reckless statement to make evil of everything the Magic Ministry does, right? Matthew.”

”... I know, but hey”

”At least it was the Ministry of Magic that made a significant contribution to the unity of will in the country. Therefore, it was difficult to reduce the impact of those seeking to enter the educational setting...”

”As a result, there is no point in causing a crisis in the country.... we should have known that we were self-satisfied and the country was immobile.”

... The Dukes of Magenta always pass by, and I don't know, the other way around, I'm relieved.

My mother also restored her composure, wiping her tears to correct her residence.

”Still, I hate it now... because it was definitely the Ministry of Magic that drove Anisphere as well as Algard”

”But it's an adult job to restrain that movement. It must still be our unrighteousness.”

”I know.... Ha, sorry to hear that.”

”If you stand on the battlefield, the crying child or the silent queen, are you the son of man in the political arena?”

”... Matthew, if it's a fight, I'll buy it, okay?

”I miss this interaction, too.... At the end of the day, what we didn't have is words. We've spared words to understand each other.”

The head of the Sprout Knights squeaks with a self-inflicted grin. Maybe that's what I thought of Navre.

Fathers' times were painful. So we abandoned our own personal desires and just ran for the good of our country. But it didn't all work out. I'm sure even your fathers are just the result of thinking that the next generation won't be in trouble.

That didn't mesh with the times. I really wasted a lot of time having to get my hands on that unmeshing gear to mesh. That's what you should regret.

”... I think. It's self-explanatory.”

”Ufi?”

”If we can live by faith alone, do we need others there? Facing oneself is the essence of a spiritual covenant. Do you need to exchange words with others if you only need to keep facing yourself as a virtue and follow the teachings of shapeless idols? I only know when, and I think it was poisoned.”

”... Miss Uphilia, if you say faith is poisoned, then the great man in the Ministry of Magic will turn his face bright red, won't you?

”If the pills pass, you said poison, right?

Yufi says it all the time. Wow, I'm totally in poison tongue mode......

Lord Grants is turning his gaze to Uffi to see something delightful. Already, this parent and child...!

”... I understand the story very well. Anise has a heavy load. Let's say, then, that we still proceed with the policy of making Uffi king. Is that good enough for you? It's Ufilia.”

”Yes, I'm not lost”

Huh! Or when I said it with my shoulder hugged, it was taken in a weird way!? Natural!? On purpose!? Oh, and I'm disappointed, so I can't get away with it!

”... it's Anis”

”Ugh! Yes!

”... if you say an apology, you'll be annoyed. There is no need to prove which is worse than the rubbing difference so far. So you live well. That's all I hoped for as a parent. That's all I can do is lie or I can stretch my chest.”

”... Father”

I'm bound to pull my lips into Father's words and bite them. Otherwise I was going to cry all the time.

”... how much have I seen you cry?”

”Mother...”

”They don't even count. In the sense that I don't remember. That's pathetic...”

”But I have caused you scattered inconvenience. Because I knew, I couldn't shamelessly imitate crying.”

”Maybe I've always wanted that. Make it tough and you turn it up. But you pierced yourself. I just saw the strength, and I misunderstood it was you.”

Mother shakes her head quietly to the left and right.... I don't want to open my mouth anymore. You're opening your eyes, because tears are melting and it's hard.

”Algardo must have had a lot to say to me...”

”... I apologize for being stubborn with all of them”

”It's okay.... It's okay, Anis. From now on, let's start one by one. One more time from here, huh?

My mother's gentle voice leaks an irrepressible voice from the back of her throat.

I can't afford to spin words anymore, and I can't keep my eyes open. I could just keep crying, keeping my body supported by Uffi.