42 The melancholy of a certain samurai apprentice (2/2)

”At least, I'm going to love you”

”Huh?”

”I told you. My home environment sucked. I only knew that I loved people... and that I loved them. And the thought was directed only at Master Anisphere. His Majesty and I had loyalty to the Queen, but that was all I had.... Until I'm enchanted by you.”

I was shocked and opened my eyes to the words that Master Ilia smiled and uttered.

”You seem afraid that your power will drive people crazy, but from what I've told you, you think you've learned better by giving them feelings that they have no reason to know.”

”... Aren't you afraid? 'Cause that's not how you were born naturally, is it?

”If you mean to do harm with it, fear it. But what should I fear from you, who are afraid and frightened?

I say with a sigh of sigh as Master Ilia was frightened. I also lose my words to that and shut up. Master Ilia flaunts her shoulders like she's in trouble.

”You are cowardly. But that's fine, Raini. If degrees pass, I'm going to slap you in the butt, but I'm disqualified as a lady when I'm fearless and everything goes into a broken world sticking my neck in. Be a fine lady and apprentice Master Uphilia.”

”No, I was wondering if it would be impossible to be like Anisphere on a boulder or Uphilia...”

”Yep. So you just have to choose the way of life that was at your height. It's that prep period now. At least nobody wants anything from you while you're away. There is also a way back as a baroness. There will also be a way to live as a squire, like me. The therapist Master Anisphere showed you? Was it? There are paths like that.”

My future forecast maps shown one after the other. That makes me feel odd thinking about it one at a time. Tickled, yet heavy. It scratches my heart even though I think I'm happy. The feeling of messing up is painful and holds my chest down.

”... Dear Ilia”

”Yes?”

”I'm sure I'm happy. That's why I'm scared. Also, when will this happiness fall to zero? Because I remember being happy.”

As your mother is gone, I wonder if this happiness will be lost again one day, and that scares me, my heart and my legs.

So I don't want you to touch happiness, and I want to run away. But the warmth of happiness is really comfortable, and I don't know what to do with what I'm given in this hand.

”Then be strong.”

”... Strongly”

”You can't keep what you want for those who don't grab it, even if it's given to you.”

Master Ilia's words are not gentle. Just poke reality at me. But there's no pain. Hard, though painful. It tells me that's reality.

The happiness you were protecting me from wrapping up has already been lost. That happiness seems to be taught that there is no going back. Still, there's something left for me to say I'm happy.

”... it's warm in here”

”Yep.”

It's really warm. My worries are going to melt. It's warm and I still feel comfortable.

He said he didn't have to have another nightmare for a while. I felt like stroking my chest down.

... so maybe I should try to be a little more courageous, too, oh my god.

Later, I was out of the royal castle. It has been a long time since I've been out of the royal castle.

When I told him I was going out, both Ennis and Uphilia sent me off with pleasure. I really appreciate that, and I really can't even lift my head to Ilia, who dropped me off when I left the Palace.

I won't decorate you while you're there. It was me. I also got time to look back at myself and accept myself. So I have to start accepting me, too.

The footsteps forward are only a little faster and I go along the nostalgic castle town to let my breath out a little. On his way was the mansion of the familiar Baron Cyan family.

”Sir, please wait inside...”

”No, but...”

”I know how you feel...”

At that entrance I saw a waiting father and an elderly butler exchanging words.

My tear glands loosen just a little when I think you've been waiting for me, but I smile at it and show it to you. Try never to rush your gait.

”Father!

”... Raini”

If I walked over, my father would laugh and look at me like he was relieved and warped me.

”... you're home well”

”... Yes”

Less words, exchange greetings for a reunion. Move the place straight to your father's private room so he can guide you.

Your father's private room is decorated with splendid gear, demonic bones, etc. whether it's remnants from when he was an adventurer. I'm a little scared to look at it again.

”... Was there any disabling?

”Yep. I made it better for Master Anisphere. I've reconciled with Master Uphilia.”

”Right...”

Your father shrugs as he closes his eyes and bites them off. The kindness of your father, who guides me first, is really warm when you feel it for a long time, losing strength from nature and body.

I stroke my chest to make sure I feel like I'm a family that I feel a little further away. It's not like being out of the palace, but it's a place where your mind can calm down.

”But what's up? I was surprised to hear you were leaving.”

”I've got my mind sorted out, and I wanted to face the house properly.”

”... well. Arianna will be delighted.”

”How is your mother-in-law?

”After that one incident on the boulder, I was feeling down, but now I'm calm. After all, it's been a lot of hard work for you to be seen by a senior nobleman and move on to breaking your engagement...”

Arianna Cyan, my mother-in-law. I have heard that my mother-in-law is the daughter of the Viscount family and the youngest sister of many brothers. He said he made out with your father when he became a baron because he was his last daughter and developed into an engagement as it were.

Even from my point of view, I'm close to your father. He was a kind man who made me better too when he said he wasn't his own child.... Though that may also be the effect of my charm. Now I can push that suspicion into my mind.

”I apologize again for the inconvenience caused to the house because of me this time”

”I'm listening.... and your vampire thing. There's nothing I could do about it.”

”... Yes”

”You didn't know either, did you? My mother... told me Tillis was a vampire.”

I saw something like a color of regret in Tillis and his father's voice calling his mother's name.

I've heard you still love your mother. But I never heard the details. I thought it would be rude to dig for roots and leaves because my mother-in-law is here.

”I still don't know if your mother was really a vampire. I can't even look into it.”

”I... wondered if it would have been different if I had known I had you if I had known who Tillis was. I've been thinking about that all these days.”

Your father groans with a bitter face. I don't know how your father and mother weren't together. But from the look on your father's face, I'm sure he didn't want to leave.

”I love Arianna. But I never forgot Tillis.... I don't want to betray Arianna for choosing me to be such an outlaw. But when I look at you, I don't like it, but I remember. You look a lot like Tillis.”

”Really?

I accidentally lost my aristocratic tone. Your father circled his eyes when he replied in a tone when he was a civilian. Then I deepen my grin about what was wrong.

”Oh, it looks just like that. Just your face. Tillis was... more active.”

”I understand. We've been traveling together forever.”

”Right. If he was interested, he would be happy to receive troublesome requests and requests to go away.”

My father, who groans to miss the old days, feels that he really cares about the memories. Your mother was really taken care of, he said.

”... what do you want to do? Raini.”

”... what do you want, what?

”Are you going to come back here? As far as I'm concerned, you can just stay out of the palace and spend time under Master Anisphere. If it's hard on you, you don't have to come back here, do you? And seeing Arianna face to face... isn't that hard? Behave as a nobleman to you, who was more civilian than you were. It's not like you don't know how hard it is.”

That was the word because you're the father who went from being an adventurer feat to being a baron.

Even your father must have had a hard time. Being a nobleman and not embarrassed to live in a different world.

”I had Arianna beside me.... There were some embarrassing reasons why Tillis had been forgotten. But maybe it was my fault that I asked you to do the same...”

”Father...”

”You're really going to disappear, and Tillis, who's gone from my sight, is really going to be behind my brain. That's why I wanted to keep it on hand. Like he disappeared at some point, he wants to prepare happiness with my hands if he's about to be unhappy. I thought that was what you could do...”

”I really still appreciate that.... Father”

Look straight into your father's eyes and I exhale to calm myself down.

”I'm still worried about how to live. But I don't think it's up to me to decide right away. So now, I want to stay like this. Not yet... I just want to be a parent and child”

”Raini......”

”Of course, with your mother-in-law.... because your father loved me as his daughter. 'Cause I haven't been able to repay the feelings that made me happy.”

I really wanted you to take me out. from a world that is just painful. Therefore it was not bitter to be a daughter of nobility. Even if further suffering awaited them.... I can't believe I ever told you how I felt.

”As good as your mother, your father is your father”

”... uhh... yeah,”

”Thanks for finding me. Thank you for giving me my family again. I want to take care of this house more. I want to be your father's daughter, who sees me as a daughter, even if I'm not a normal person.”

My wish is to repay you. To the people who gave me something to replace the happiness I lost.

To the father who brought me out into this world, to the mother-in-law who accepted me. To Lady Annis, who saved me, to Lady Uphilia, who gave me forgiveness. To Ilia, who shows me how to live.

I neglected that fact when I found out I was a vampire. Even now, it's not yet accepted. Still, I don't want to just be stopped and given anymore.

The only one who grabs happiness is one who tries to grab it with this hand. Because you told me so, I want to grab one so that I can be sure, although it may be an unreliable hand.

”... well. Then come back anytime.”

Your father laughed calmly and walked over to me and stroked my head. I close my eyes unexpectedly to the feel of a big man's hand, that gobbly hand.

If I say I have no anxiety, I lie. My identity may be misaligned, or I may fail because I'm not good enough. Still, I can't grasp anything for not walking out.

I can't shine like those people, but I want to move on myself.

”Father.”

”... what?

”I'm home now”

To one of my words, your father warped his face and said, ”Welcome back.”