42 The melancholy of a certain samurai apprentice (1/2)

- It was painful to dream of a day that was fun.

It's always depressing to be sent back to the days when you couldn't just be a young child.

I just lay my eyes down in front of reality, get rid of my emotions and smile vaguely at everyone.

I keep giving up. I needed Raini Sian to live.

”Let's call it a day.”

”... uh, su, sorry!

I make my shoulders jump on words spoken in a frightened voice with sighs.

I shouldn't, it was when I was being taught by Master Ilia! I can't believe you skipped consciousness today. I thought I'd stopped dreaming and settled down lately.

Now I was in the middle of coaching on how to brew tea. The tea I was working on halfway through will be finished by Master Ilia. I drop my shoulders in my elusiveness as I look at its handiness.

”Raini, please sit down”

”... Yes”

Ugh, don't get mad at me. I wonder if my focus has become more diffuse lately because I've been as handy as I think I am. That makes me really disgusted. I'm just sorry and I get a heavy response.

But I can't hear the reprimand I expected when I get to my seat. I can only hear the sound at hand preparing the tea as it is and on the contrary I am restless......

”Go ahead.”

”Huh? Um...”

”It's going to get cold.”

Think about what I am right to do to point out Master Ilia. But I didn't even know if I thought about it. I'm even suspicious that I was able to think in the first place. Just grab a teacup and have a cup of tea as prompted.

The aroma and taste of the tea was such a gentle flavor that it would unravel the dull head of thought. I narrow my eyes to the warmth that goes through my throat. I accidentally get zero breath of relief.

”Oh, um... I'm sorry”

”No, I don't mind. I kind of knew it wasn't here.”

It was a pale reply to return when I conveyed my words of apology. As always, Master Ilia can't read her emotions. To be honest, I'm a confused opponent.

I accidentally drop my gaze on the teacup and look at it when I realize my face is showing. My own face without hegemony, I wonder if this is what I see from people right now. I think you look a little worried yourself.

”Is there something wrong?

”... my dreams are a little bad”

”Is it a dream?

”Dream of when your mother was alive.”

My voice was surprisingly flat when I grumbled.

One day, Mr. Anise pointed it out to me. Memories of when you were happiest to me. I couldn't stand that now, comparing reality to its memory.

And the big case I've had. I have driven many people's lives crazy. I was wondering if I could still drink tea or something like this. So much so that I think so. I shouldn't have done this. I don't have time to lean down. Still heavy enough to drool my head...

”Mother. Mother... I guess it was a good mother to remember as much as it seemed.”

”... Yes”

”May I ask what kind of mother?

”He was a free man. You took me out and showed me all kinds of views, and you don't even remember staying in one place, do you? Looks like he raised me on a journey.”

I wonder if it was to keep me from knowing who I am.

My mother is likely a vampire. The demons spoken of in that gaga tale, but their identity is a little different, but they can't be described as ordinary people.

The presence of me has shown it. Your mother wondered what that man thought he was living in this world. I wondered why I was traveling around.

”He was a bright laugher. He really always laughed and gazed at me and talked about everything. I was really, really sweet and I loved it.”

”... but you're already dead”

”Yes, he had a poor quality disease... he said it would get better soon, but he also made sure I was ready to be taken to the orphanage, and stay asleep”

Really, your mother had died to sleep. I can still remember how cold my mother's hands were when she stopped moving and got cold.

I was in an orphanage by the time I got that fact that I was dead. My mother was beaten by the reality that she was not coming to pick me up anymore.

”... life in the orphanage since then has been terrible. I didn't care that my life was painful. But things get taken, they get abused, and I thought,” My work started, and I felt like I was something. ”

”Oh, no more vampire charm by then...”

”Probably. That's why I liked one. I wish I'd been knitting in my room or reading a book. How long have you been creepy and nobody's ever come near you?”

And I grew up gradually, too. He's there, but he's not there, he shouldn't be. With that in mind I was living my days like the air floating in an orphanage.

That's when your father found me. The only thing I desperately protected that I didn't want to be taken. A pendant that is the shape of a mother. Something that the orphan doesn't get a little tense to have. This is all I can remember biting but protecting it through.

”And then there was the flow of your father welcoming me to the Baron Cyan house. My mother-in-law didn't blink that much either because it was a civilian ascent. You must have been fortunate to be a woman. If I gave it to my daughter-in-law, my adopted son would never have inherited the house.”

”But you didn't get to be cute, did you?

”I think it's a fascinating force.... It's so painful to live in a world where common sense is different, and my breath is stuck. I honestly gave up thinking that being admitted to an aristocratic college would just change my breathlessness.”

Your father desperately educated me as a noble lady so that I could find a good friendship. I've never thought I'd hate that. The way you told me you struggled a lot yourself and talked to me to keep my gaze on you is enough to remind me of your mother.

I was glad to think that there was more blood connected to this guy. That's why I wanted to live as a noble lady. Your father would love to find a good friendship. I don't like studying, but it's hard to get along, but still trying to live without a wave.

However, it was still not easy to live in the aristocratic world.

”So I made a big mistake...”

”... I think Prince Algard was approaching with confusion.”

”Yep. But will the others gradually become involved with me? Honestly, I was used to it, so I thought if I kept my distance, I should laugh at it unnecessarily even if I was approached. After that, there are rumors about what kind of a baroness the prince is...”

”... hell it is”

”Do you think so”

In the end, when I realized it, I couldn't move. Whatever you do, you don't carry the situation as good as it gets. Nothing. I don't like anyone, and I don't even hate them. Whether they take things, or throw them down the stairs, or let bad reviews run through them, they can handle it if they're alive.

After all, it won't work. Furthermore, I was desperate to discuss the break-up of Mr. Uphilia's engagement. I really didn't know what was going on. I wonder why these people are saying this.

”Actually, I only allowed a little heart for Master Uphilia...”

”What do you mean?

”Because he was the one who would embarrass me properly. So I was actually using it as a great reference. It didn't work out.”

Because I wasn't as strong as that guy and I couldn't end up pushing someone away. I couldn't poke out that the mistake was a mistake. There was also the issue of the title, because I was afraid of the development of waiting ahead, which I obstinated from.

So shut your mouth and put a lid on your heart too. I also blocked my ears and closed my eyes. I must have begun to reject the world to live. It was... Lady Anis who opened it again.

”Now, I'm really calm. I think it's a peaceful place to finally feel safe.”

I don't hate my job as a samurai either. Silently cleaning and cleaning up is also good for the sex. Both Anis and Uphilia make me better. He knows about his powers, and he shows me how to use them.

I'm sure it seems so from the bottom of my heart that it's a privileged time even in my entire life. I should have told you I was happy. It should be.

”... and yet you can't. I just kind of dreamed it would rock me like this.”

”No. You must have been the mother I thought of by that time. Honestly, I envy you.”

”Envious, is it?

”Yes, Raini and his mother.”

With that said, Master Ilia carries his own brewed tea to his mouth. The graceful trick reminds me that this man is also a Viscount's maid.

... That said, I haven't heard much about Ilaria's family. I've been away from the palace for a long time, and I've never seen you go home like Master Uphilia. You noticed my doubts, Master Ilia gave me an explanation.

”I look like I'm being taken care of by the house. No, you might be closer to running away from home.”

”Running away...?

”There's nothing I can do about it when I go back. It must be my sincerity not to want to go back there. I've never felt warm about family.”

I open my eyes and reveal my surprise at Ilya's words that I have never felt warm about my family. I was wondering if you have parents who think that way.

Master Ilia broke her expression there. A troublesome smile, that was a look that saw the color of emotions that you couldn't normally see.

”I am the daughter of the Viscount family, but I was a pawn to gain power. To bond good luck and improve the voice of the house. She was just my daughter.”

”... no”

”Sometimes my father sent me to marry someone because I couldn't find them. I wasn't as defiant of the house as I am now. The Anisphere picked it up.”

”I don't know what to say... what to say...”

”The marriage partner is also about his father's age, and it's a rumor with a colorful family. If you want my Ilaria to go there, I'll take it! They caught me.”

”That guy, you really like to grab people”

I shrug unexpectedly remembering where I grabbed Master Uphilia. Then Master Ilia turned her eyes round and zeroed her laughter so that she was crazy and unable to indulge. Too rare.

”And then you're not leaning on the house. So I was finally reminded that I was good to live by my will. Because the Anisphere is too lively. The Anisphere has been well reprimanded by His Majesty and the Queen.”

”For once, we're talking about marriage...”

”Yep. Well, sometimes I disagree and it went through safely. Though I seem to have switched policies thinking that if the house was surrounded by royalty at home too, I could smoke sweet honey. Well, that's why I'm not home. I don't have any honey to smoke.”

Wow, spicy. That's what I thought by accident. That was enough to tell me that Ilia had no good feelings for her parents.

”You haven't even given up your house, it seems like you've left my book. Well, the honor of being chosen as a direct samurai of the princess is an honor if you don't say the truth. It would have been a better hustle and bustle if it hadn't been for the odd princess.”

”That's really spicy...”

”Yep. So Raini, you seem a little jealous.”

”... my family loves me, from?

Master Ilia nods quietly.... I guess I should say that Ilia wasn't loved by her family. I think it's a terrible home environment, too.

That's why I envy you. I feel strange when they say that. Even though it's warm, for some reason, I get backward and drop my gaze again.

”... loved, I wonder”

I am not a pure person. I'm already a vampire. I'm sweet with Anis that he accepts me even when I'm a demon, and I'm not human anymore.

I can feel that people's blood is delicious, and I can feel that the feeling of magic has become different than before. I've also gained my own strength. Fascination, mental interference, and then physical change. That's not normal anymore.

I've never been able to control that power, and I've driven many people's minds crazy. Can I live to be forgiven for that?... anxious, afraid that one day, this tranquility will be lost again.

And the favor that you love me. I was just scared when I thought that might have driven me crazy.