Chapter 291 (2/2)

“Something unusual? Well, I don’t know the details. I guess there were so many things like what you said. He really didn’t tell me anything. I could feel he didn’t love me gradually after you died. After that, he really hated you. He hated me so much that he left for the expedition even though I was pregnant at that time.”

“Wait a minute. You were pregnant?”

“Yes, I was.”

I closed my eyes. Was she pregnant back then? I suspected she was. In the end, my worst assumption was right. Didn’t he notice by that time that someone was targeting his life? As she got pregnant in such a situation, he might have had to escape the capital to save his life because the moment his successor was born, he would be killed immediately.

Suddenly, one question came to my mind.

Why did he choose that path? To think of it rationally, it would have been better for him to get rid of Jiun than to flee from the capital. In that case, he could have a negotiating chip and overturn the political situation in his favor.

I swallowed. I wondered if he, who recovered his reason, could not have the heart to kill Jiun who was having his baby. Was that the reason he left the capital with the troops, knowing his escape was a political gamble? Did he intend to save himself, Jiun and his successor by mobilizing troops by all means?

“… I couldn’t figure out anything, but you already noticed something?”

“…”

“Anyway, I was desperate then. You had people who supported you, but I had none. In the end, I got pregnant and gave birth to a baby girl… but I had to run away with a newborn baby without receiving any postpartum care, but eventually I was caught. ”

She began to speak more, though she was reserved with bitterness at first.

“I hated him who deserted me alone after whispering love to me freely. I also hated God who didn’t care about me after dropping me in a strange place. At the last moment of my life, I cursed him, closing my eyes. If I could start again, I would surely get even with him who used me… When I opened my eyes, however, he was there again, the very man who stabbed me in the chest.”

I stared blankly at her who was venting out her resentment with him freely.

‘Oh you really don’t know why he left the capital and how much he cared about you. You really don’t know anything about him.’

“You know that? Actually, I hated you, too. ”

“…”

“You said I took everything from you, but in the end, you didn’t lose anything. Even when you were pushed out of the empress position, you had the continued support of the nobles, and even those who supported me as the empress compared me with you. What I thought I had, such as God’s love and his affection for me, were all yours at the end of the day.”

“Oh my…”

I made a hollow smile at that. Wasn’t she trying to rationalize her actions now? I could buy her argument that I was supported by the nobles.

But what did you say? God’s love? His affection?

I was dumbfounded to hear that. When was he my man? Did I ever have him at all? Even if I had his love, what’s the point of having his love after I died?

“In a world where I could rely on nobody, I struggled alone to find my own share. But everything was yours, and I always hovered around you. No matter how hard I tried, I found myself crushed by your shadow rather than catching up with you. I was only your substitute, something inferior to you. No one looked at me as I was. And it was not my will to come to this place.”

“…”

“You asked me why I followed you as far as here, right? You’re not the only one who wanted to fix everything. The moment I closed my eyes, I realized that even if I wanted God to send me back to my original place, I would be suffering with the painful memory of my past for the rest of my life. But I thought I would be a real loser if I asked God to erase my memories. So, instead of all those wishes, I asked God to see you again. ”

“…”

“I really wanted to beat you at least once because I realized that only when my sense of inferiority to you disappeared could I feel free… I was so happy when I saw people calling me a scared woman. I knew better than anyone that I didn’t deserve it. But I felt like I was freed from something at that moment. It was my first feeling since I came here. By the way…”

While she was trying to continue, she stopped and took a deep breath. Then, she continued in a subdued voice after remaining silent a bit.