Chapter 291 (1/2)

“I… I hated you because you smiled as if nothing had happened to me, and I was so upset with the fact that you won his love when you had nothing better than me. I couldn’t admit that you took away everything I had taken care of all my life.”

Since I already began to speak, I decided to tell her everything I wanted to say without any reservation.

I felt bitter somehow because I told her my honest feelings toward her. That was true. I ignored her, pretending that I didn’t care about her who was inferior to me, but I was jealous of her deep down because she stole his love. I took pains to deny her existence, thinking that the feelings of love existed only between equal partners, and that as someone with an unknown family background, she could not win his love.

I couldn’t understand the fact that he loved her who was not better than me in any way. I was troubled and exhausted because of her. It was so hard emotionally every day. At that time I didn’t think it strange that I found it so hard to put up with my surging irritation, even though I learned how to hide my feelings for decades, and that he, who was always cold to me and rational in deeds and words, began to hate me irrationally.

When I thought as far as that, I recalled a question that I had in my mind until now.

I asked myself, looking at Jiun who was keeping silent. Does she know the truth of the past? Does she know my doubts?

“Let me ask you just one thing.”

It may be a ridiculous question, but I felt I would continue to feel uncomfortable if I didn’t confirm it now. I finally asked her, who was looking at me curiously, “Did it happen to me in the past? Was I poisoned before?”

“…”

“Answer me. Was I?”

“…”

I asked again and again, but she remained silent.

After waiting for her reply for a while, I sighed. After all, can’t I get her reply? When I was about to talk about something, almost giving it up as a bad job, she said, turning her eyes away from me, “… Headache, dizziness, insomnia, and extreme emotional changes.”

“…”

“Yes, they were the symptoms he showed before he died.”

“I see… What the heck? He died?”

Despite my urgent questioning, she asked back with a weary voice a little later, “When do you think I came back?”

“…”

“Do you remember what you said before? You said it’s only been four years.”

“…Yes, I do.”

“It is literally as you said. It was four years since you died. I’m twenty three by the imperial calendar here, and he was probably twenty six.”

“… For four years… What happened?”

She smiled faintly at me when I asked, trembling, then said, “You know, I don’t know politics very well. I tried my best, but no matter how much I studied it, I couldn’t work it out. So, I don’t know exactly what happened.”

“…”

“That’s all I remember. He couldn’t sleep well and often threw a tantrum since the two dukes left the capital. And he began to keep away from me and look out for others. One day he left the capital, saying he was going on an expedition… then he never came back. ”

I stiffened at that moment.

Did the emperor leave the capital on the pretext of going on an expedition? In that case, more than half of the regular knights would have to follow him. How could he think of leaving the capital without the two dukes in the capital? Given the symptoms, he seemed to have been poisoned. Was his condition serious enough to cloud his judgement? Or did he have any reason to leave the capital? For example…

“Did you find anything unusual about him when he left? For example, his symptoms got worse or his aide was changed…”