Chapter 113 (2/2)

Damn, I couldn’t let go of my girl.

“Here it is, Master.”

I had a maid make several colored hair ties for my lady, as if I wanted to clutch at straws. Though not visible on the outside, the inside of the double-layered hair ties was embroidered with a dela flower that allegedly made love come true. I had the ties prepared with my love for my young lady who told me she always wore a tie while on duty. I hoped that she could look at me again while she was wearing this. I knew I was doing useless things, but I felt like my heart might explode if I didn’t do this.

“Wow, they’re pretty!”

Tia smiled when she saw the colored hair ties I prepared for her. I felt sad when I found her golden, bloodshot eyes and pale lips as if she couldn’t sleep properly because she was so busy.

Noticing that her silvery hair tie sticking out of her dishevelled hair, I took out a hair tie.

It was the same green tie I had on.

Looking at her thick silvery hair falling down her shoulders, I suddenly felt my heart throbbing.

‘What happened?’

Whenever I saw a girl in the past, I was always happy. But my heart began to ache whenever I met her at some point.

I looked at her back and the hair tie in her hand. I felt like some cold voice was whispering into my eyes, ‘She doesn’t love you. She doesn’t look at you. She will abandon you and run away. You will be alone again. You will struggle in loneliness, trapped in the dark. ‘

‘No, she won’t run away from me. She is not such a cruel woman,’ protested another me.

‘Don’t be ridiculous,’ said the cold voice that teased me first, adding, ‘You know she doesn’t love you. Are you just going to see her going to another guy? Just kill her, so if you can’t have her, you can make sure another guy can’t have her, either. As time goes by, she’ll be estranged from you more and more. Just kill her now when you can deal with your sorrow, so that nobody can have her. Anway, she is alive in your memory, smiling at you, right?”

I held the hair tie tightly with a trembling hand. When I put her silvery hair together, her white neck was revealed.

Hers was a slender neck that would break if I grabbed it tight with one hand. If I wrapped the tie around her neck, she wouldn’t be here, leaving for a world nobody could follow her to. Then, she would live and breathe only in my memory.

Even if she were forgotten little by little by those who remember her with the passage of time, I could vividly think of her. I would be able to make my cherished dream come true. I would keep her to myself and have her look at me only. No one could covet her then.

The moment I tried to wrap the hair tie around her thin neck, I could see Tia’s face reflected in the window. She was closing her eyes while slowly blinking her eyes as if she couldn’t stand feeling drowsy. She was standing close to the window with a calm face without any fear or anxiety just like her in childhood when she blindly trusted me.

“Ha…” I made a hollow smile.

‘Oh my god! How can you trust me, Tia?’

You shouldn’t trust me so much! Your father and maid hate me after they instinctively figured out what kind of man I was, but you still keep trusting me? For what?

Don’t you see the darkness swirling within me? Or is the remnant of your blind trust in me already embedded within you? I can’t trust myself. How can you let your hair down and trust me so blindly?

Maybe I’m already crazy. How can I think about getting rid of her, who believes in me so much, and trusts me when I don’t trust myself? It had only been a few days ago when I thought I couldn’t dare to hurt you. How could I dare to think of killing you like this?

I wonder if I was caught up in the unknown darkness inside me. My hand holding the hair tie was trembling.

‘I’m sorry, Tia. So sorry.’

I kissed her silvery hair with a sense of guilt.