Chapter 103 (2/2)

My tears now began to fall in big drops. When I saw him trying to avoid this awkward situation by responding in a hoarse voice, as if nothing happened, I felt more heartbroken.

‘It’s my fault. Because I was selfish, and because I couldn’t tell him the truth for fear he might leave me, even though I knew his heart, I broke his heart.’

Although I experienced the excruciating pain of love myself, and even though I knew better than anyone else how severe a torture it was to give a little hope to someone earnestly expecting a bit of love, I was so cruel to Allendis.

“I’m sorry, Allen. I’m so sorry. ”

“… ”

“I am sorry that I cannot accept your love. I’m so sorry I have to break your heart so much. I am really… ”

When I saw his tightly closed lips and empty green eyes, I was so saddened. In the end, I covered my mouth with both hands, holding back my crying. As someone who had been so cruel to my most beloved person for my selfishness, I was not even qualified to cry before him.

I bit my lip as hard as I could. I felt something hot flowing with a tingling sensation and tasted the blood at the tip of my tongue. I didn’t care because my pain was nothing compared to the pain he was feeling right now. Compared to the blood that he shed because of the pain inflicted on him, a few drops on my lips were just nothing.

“… Don’t do it, Tia. ”

“What?”

Since I couldn’t see him talking to me with a hoarse voice, I asked, looking down at the beautiful bouquet in my arms. He said in an unstable and trembling voice, “Don’t bite your lip. You have blood on your lips. ”

“… ”

“Why did you bite so hard? It will hurt. ”

“… Allen. ”

He stumbled while standing up. He placed one hand on his forehead, closed his eyes for a while and opened them. He then approached me as if nothing happened, and slowly knelt before me.

With one knee up and the other knee down, he looked at me. As I still couldn’t face his warm green eyes, I lowered my eyes. My hands holding the bouquet trembled. After seeing me nervous, he held my hands with both hands. My eyes were blurred with tears again when I felt his warmth when he was kind to me even in this situation. Folding my hands gently, he put his on the back of my hands and patted them lightly.

He took out a folded handkerchief from his pocket and put it on my lips. My heart ached when he wiped the blood on my lips gently. I saw his white, long fingers.

As he wiped away my welled tears, he said in a low croaky voice, “Don’t cry, Tia.”

“… ”

“You are much prettier when you smile. So, don’t cry and smile, my lady. ”

‘My lady.’

I flinched at that title at some point when he began to call me like that casually.

One day while I was practicing fencing with him, I asked him if it was true that Sir League told me he would not be a knight, no matter how much he practiced. I knew that as the second son of the top civilian official Duke Verita, it would be more natural for him to join the government, not the knights division like me.

At that time, he said even if he would not pursue the path of a knight, the woman he had in his mind all the time would be me, so he would call me ‘my lady.’ Yes, that’s what he told me.

“Tia, even if you don’t accept my love… ”

“… ”

“Just like I promised you as a child, the woman in my mind will always be you.”

“Allen…”

“So, just allow me to call you my lady, will you?”

My tears, which stopped a minute ago, began to come down again.

‘Allen, don’t expect me. Do not have any hope in me. Don’t love me. Just hate me. Hate me who planted false hope in you by not being honest about my feelings toward you. Hate me who acted so selfishly because I didn’t want to hurt. Just hate me who could break your heart brutally to the end.’