Chapter 103 (1/2)

Chapter 103: Chapter 103

Since I couldn’t remain reliant on him forever, I began to spend less and less time with Allendis as time went by, and I began to carve out my own life. Of course, he was still a good friend of mine and a precious person to me, but he didn’t mean everything to me as he did when I was a child.

‘Then, what does he mean to me right now when four years have passed since I met him?”

As I met many different people over time, I found my heart going away from him gradually. Despite that, he was still very important to me. He was my first friend as well as the one I wanted to rely on for the first time. He was the only one that I allowed to call me by my pet name, and the sanctuary of my heart.

But it was not what Allendis wanted from me. He was asking me to be his partner. He was asking me to be his only lover now.

‘What kind of feelings do I have for him now?’

So, I decided to unravel my feelings about him one by one, which I had sealed in my mind as I was so confused and scared, and compare them with the kind of love that I came to know.

Only when I looked into them carefully did I realize that although I felt cozy and happy about his warmth, I was not thrilled anymore. Although I missed him when I didn’t see him often, I didn’t feel heartbroken because of that. Although I enjoyed spending time with him, I wasn’t looking forward to it as eagerly anymore.

‘Ah, that’s the answer.’

My feelings toward him were definitely different from his toward me.

That’s why my heart didn’t beat fast like before when I felt so cozy and warm like spring sunshine in his arms. That’s why I felt good but didn’t feel thrilled when he stroked my hair. And that’s why I felt sorry and sad when I realized how he felt toward me .

Although I felt affection for him as someone who was precious to me, I didn’t love him as someone of the opposite sex. I was aware of this unconsciously, but I was afraid of facing this reality even when I realized that our feelings for each other were not the same. I could not tell him the truth because it would hurt his feelings all the more.

“… Allen. ”

Was it because I was so nervous at the moment? I swallowed unconsciously because my mouth felt dry. When I looked at him waiting for my answer while touching my hair tie nervously, I began to feel heartbroken.

‘Do you know that? Even though my feelings for you are different from what you feel for me, you’re still the most precious person after my father. You are my most cherished friend. You are like a shade of a tree that comforts my tired mind and you are like the new buds that you grew on my frozen heart. I don’t want to lose you, Allendis. But at the same time I don’t want to lie to you.’

Now that I realized how cruel I was to you, I could not put false hope in you because of my unscrupulous selfishness.

“Allen.”

“Huh.”

“I really… ”

“… Tia? ”

“Allen, I really… ”

As soon as I tried to say something, I was suddenly choked with outpouring emotions deep down. Tears were welled in my eyes in an instant as I was choked up.

Barely clearing my throat, I began to open my trembling lips. When I lowered my head as I couldn’t look him in the eye, I saw the bouquet in my arms.

‘This is the first bouquet I received from my precious one.’

The green, red, and white colors of the flowers were blurred in my eyes. I felt so sorry, sad and guilty at the moment that tears began to drop onto the flowers.

“I am really…”

“… Stop there, Tia. You can answer me later.”

“Allen.”

“It’s time to get up. We’re going to be late again.”

“Allen… ”

“Your father will hate me. Come on, Tia. Do you wanna see him rebuking me?”

“Stop it, Allen. stop… ”