4 Love Researcher - Final (1/2)

The clothes Erika wore to visit Dina's family was less bold than the date. It was a jeans pants and a black blouse with long sleeves that Dina bought that week in preparation. Dina herself wore a dark blue mini dress with a pleated bottom that she hadn't used in ages. It was a present from her mother, so she thought it would be appropriate.

Before they even went out of the house, Dina made Erika sit on the couch and stood in front of her with her hands on her waist. Erika just sent a curious look her way.

”Look here,” Dina said. ”And please, don't forget it. We might kiss, but that doesn't mean we're lovers yet.”

Erika inclined her head.

”That's confusing. When will I know we elevated our relationship to such status? Is it sex after all?”

”No. Look, this is not a thing that just happens, it's a thing we decide. When we both decide to become lovers, we are lovers.”

”Is it that easy?”

”Yes,” Dina nodded, confirming.

”So why don't we just decide it right now? It would simplify things.”

”No, you see…” Dina avoided her eyes. ”I still need some time to…” and said in a small voice that Erika almost couldn't hear: ”it's scary…”

”Scary?” Erika asked, tilting her head.

”Ah, don't worry about that now. If we keep talking about it, we'll be late. Just remember, please, we're not lovers yet.”

”Understood!” Erika nodded with a little too much vigor.

”Also, please, say nothing about we kissing or sleeping together.”

”Okay…” Erika reflected in silence until she asked: ”Can I say we live together, then?”

”That should be fine. I'll introduce you as my roommate. Oh, but nothing about the alien stuff. That's the most important.”

”Don't worry. I have a better understanding of the taboos in your society now. You live in fear that we, as extraterrestrial life, will try to conquer your planet. Even though your planet has nothing worth fighting for.”

”Not sure I like that, but okay, you understand it.”

That settled, Dina and Erika left their apartment, heading to her mother's house. It was the same city, so they wouldn't take much time to get there. Dina had sent a message already saying she was visiting and bringing someone with her.

They arrived at a humble little house in the most retired part of the city. Dina was holding Erika's hand the whole way but instinctively let it go as they saw her old house. She opened the gate and knocked on the door, with Erika waiting behind her. The door opened and a middle-aged woman with brown skin darker than Dina and long hairs showed up from behind it. A little girl and a man peaked from inside.

”Oh, my darling!” The woman said and hugged Dina. ”I missed you.”

”I… I was here just last month, mom,” Dina said, gently escaping from her mother's embrace. ”Also, happy birthday.”

Dina's mother looked at Erika waiting behind and gave her a smile.

”Oh, so you're the friend Dina said was coming? What a beautiful lady.”

”Yes. My name is Erika,” she said, giving a big smile. ”I'm not Dina's lover yet!”

***

Erika was playing with the little girl in the living room. She turned out to be Dina's niece. The man, father of the little girl, was Dina's brother. Dina and her mother were talking at the kitchen. She was still embarrassed and nervous after Erika's disastrous introduction.

”She looks like an... interesting girl,” Dina's mother said while preparing the food. Dina said she would do it herself, but her mother was insistent on that being her job.

”Ha...haha,” Dina laughed nervously. ”Yeah...hum...about that…”

Before she could even say anything, her mother interrupted her thoughts.

”Dina, remember your uncle Finn?”

”Ah, yeah…” Dina said to the abrupt question.

”I never told this to anyone, in respect to him, but now, I think I should. You see, your uncle…”

She stopped, letting go of what she was doing at that moment to focus on her daughter.

”So yeah, this was before you were even born. In our hometown, a story started to spread about how your uncle was seen kissing another man. That was way more controversial on those days, and of course, he hadn't told us anything himself. Still, those stories arrived at your grandpa's ears, and as you can expect, he was not happy with it. One night he called us all, told us what was happening and wanted to hear from your uncle if that was true. Your uncle wasn't a liar, so he told the truth. That made your grandpa mad. He said that if your uncle would keep doing that, he didn't have a place in that house. He said he would be better dead.”

Dina's mother stopped her story to think. A bitter smile crossed her face.

”I was just a girl, like, thirteen, I think? But he was my brother, and I didn't want him to die, so I started to cry and yelled at your grandpa that I didn't want that. Well, your uncle Finn did get out of home, and I'm not sure what happened with his love life, as he was never open about it. You know he lives alone now. One thing he said me years later is that he really thought about taking his life that same day. He said my crying stopped him.”

Dina's mother looked at her daughter and gave a gentle smile.

”So, darling, if that girl is your girlfriend... or something, you can tell me. I wouldn't do like my father.”

”She…” Dina said, avoiding facing her mother. ”What she said is the truth. She's not my lover... yet. Maybe something similar, though.”

”And you want it to become something more?”

”Maybe…”

”And what's stopping you?”

Dina turned to face the living room. Erika was being shown all the dolls the little girl had with a perplexed face. Dina heard her asking: ”Are these alive?”.

”I'm afraid, I guess,” Dina said, finally.

”Because she's a woman?”

”Not really. I mean, sure, there's that. But, huh…”

Dina wanted to find the words. She couldn't just say: ”because she's from another planet”. It was good that her mother was tolerant, but an interspecies relationship could be too much.

”She's a little...different,” she said, finally. ”And I'm not sure what my feelings mean for her.”

”Well, she looks like a good girl to me,” Dina's mother said, looking at the living room. ”A little peculiar, but a good girl. Just wanted you to know I would welcome her if you wish.”

That day, they had lunch together. Dina's niece didn't leave Erika's side the whole day. During lunch, Erika and Dina's mother traded some words. Most of it was the woman interest in who was her daughter's roommate. When it finally came time to go home, they gave their goodbyes. Dina's niece was crying and didn't want to let go of Erika's hands.

”You don't need to cry, she'll be back, right?”, Dina's mother said, looking at Erika, who just nodded with a smile. The woman then hugged her, whispering in her ear: ”Take care of my daughter.”

Dina protested, but Erika didn't understand well what was going on.

When they were walking home, with Dina not letting go of Erika's hand, the alien girl said:

”So that's family?”

”Yeah…”

”So they're people whom you can't lose, and they can't lose you…”

Dina looked at Erika's face. She was making a serious expression as if worrying about something.

”Is there something wrong?” she asked.

”No, it's just… I was thinking… Hum…”

She went silent. Dina squeezed her hand.

”You know, you can think of them as your family, too, if you want.”

”What?” Erika looked confused. ”I'm not the offspring of any of them, though.”

”It doesn't matter,” Dina said, smiling. ”That's not what family is. In fact, if you want my love, you'll end up becoming family with them.”

”Is that so? But then…”

”Huh?” Dina looked right into Erika's eyes.

”It's nothing,” she said, shaking her head. ”It's nothing, really.”

***

During that week, Erika seemed to go deep into thought at times. But otherwise, they spent it as always. As Dina had asked, they did go back to kissing. At first, only during the nights before sleeping. But as the days passed, they started doing it during the day, when Dina went to work or at night when she got home. Erika's reaction didn't change much, but for Dina, those become important moments.

In a Saturday, Dina was looking at Erika cooking. The woman insisted on making lunch that day with all her ”meticulous researches about your not-that-health food”. Dina was excited for tasting what her partner would make. Even Erika's movements in the kitchen were enough to charm her. Dina realized, she was probably falling in love. Or maybe it was too late, already.

As Dina finished her plate, and she had to admit, Erika did understand the appeal of their food, Erika asked:

”How was it?”

”Good… I guess…”

”Did your heart skipped a beat as you felt the love I put in it, as it was supposed to go? I wasn't sure how to put love in it, so I just thought about you while making it. I'm not sure that's how it's supposed to go…”

Dina's eyes fell to the empty plate, still colored by the remaining of which was inside. Her eyes didn't turn to Erika, as she asked:

”But did you feel it?”

”Huh?” Erika inclined her head smiling. ”I'm not sure I…”

”You can't give love if you don't feel it...”

Erika's face still looked clueless, as she put her fingers on her lips and seemed to fall into deep thought. Dina just waved her hands, saying Erika to forget. During the rest of the day, the two women hardly spoke with each other.

It was during the night when Erika was washing the plates that Dina couldn't hold it anymore. She grabbed Erika and turned her body to face her.

”W-what?” Erika asked.

Without saying anything, Dina pushed Erika against the cabinet behind her. Holding a grip on her waist, Dina locked her lips with Erika. She used her tongue for the first time, as their kisses at night were purer. As she finished, she looked at Erika's face, but the other woman looked yet more confused.

”I… I don't get it,” she said.

Dina took a step back and put her hand on her face, hiding her expression.

”I can't do this anymore…” she let her voice out.

”What do you mean?”

”You don't get it. You won't ever get it. I'm sorry, but can we stop that. I'm not sure I can keep doing this?”

As Erika's face still looked confused, Dina burst out:

”I'm falling in love with you, okay?!”

At first, Erika's face illuminated itself. Then she realized the pained expression Dina was making. Her smile disappeared as she gave one step forward.

”I'm sorry…” Dina said again. ”I am falling in love with you, but I think it's useless. You don't understand it, and probably never will. If I keep doing this, I'll just end up hurt, so please, let's stop?”

Erika realized there were tears on Dina's face. She opened her mouth twice, without any words coming out of it. She finally placed her finger on her lips, as she thought about it.

”I see,” she let it out, after some thought. ”So I failed.”

”Erika...I…”

”Don't worry,” she said with a pained smile. ”It's a shame, but I failed. I'm embarrassed and feel awful, but at least I know I did all I could. In fact, I could learn something from all this. I'll reflect on this whole experience once I get back.”

As she said that, Erika walked to the door. Dina jumped to stop her but failed to grab her hand.

”Wait, you don't need to go now. It's dark outside…”

”Don't worry, I can take care of myself,” she said, putting her hand on the knob. ”If me staying here just hurt you, I would rather go…”

She stopped there, with her hand on the knob, but the door didn't open.

”Huh? What?” Erika said, looking confused. As Dina walked to look at her, she realized Erika was crying.

”Erika… I'm sorry. That's about your mission, right?” she said, trying to make a more understanding voice, but Erika shook her head.

”No… It's not that. I accepted it already, so I… Huh? I don't get it…”

She took her hand from the knob and touched her face. She looked at her fingers humid with her tears in confusion.”I… I… Don't want to go… Why? When I think about getting away… No, it's not that… When I think about not being able to see you… What? I don't get it…”

She put both her hands on her face and started to cry. Dina approached her.

”Ah… I'm such an idiot…” Dina said and hugged Erika from behind. ”Please, you don't need to go. I'm sorry…”

”I don't get it,” Erika said, making a perplexed face wet with her tears.

”If you cry just with the thought of being separated, you already know what love is. I'm stupid, stupid! I wanted proof, but I don't need it. You can't say you love me because you don't understand it.”

”I'm in...love?” Erika turned her body in a flash to face Dina and held her shoulders. ”I love you?” Then a bright smile transformed her sad face. ”I'm in love with you…”

Dina couldn't hold a laugh, seeing Erika's reaction. She put her hand on her partner's face and kissed her lips.

”You are… and you know, I love you, too. Now, come on, let's wash your face.”

***

Dina was nervous as she sat beside Erika in their bed. That's because, after Erika washed her face, they had the following conversation:

”You know, that might be a little too fast, but I was thinking, and, huh… If you want to do it…”

”You mean sex!?”

”Y-Yeah… Don't be that excited, please.”

”I want to do it, of course! Ah, but I don't know how. That might be a problem…”

”Don't worry. I can teach you.”

But when came the time, Dina was having a hard time to take initiative. Erika was looking at her with anticipation in her eyes.

”So, when will we start? Should I take my clothes off?” As Erika said, she started to pull her top, but Dina stopped her.

”D-Don't! Wait!”

”Huh? We'll do it while wearing our clothes?”

”No...Just...Well, I'll take your clothes when it's time.”

”When?” Erika had a smile all the time while Dina had just a nervous expression.

”Wait a minute. I just...huh...never did it with a woman. And, uh, you're just...Huh…”

Dina looked at Erika's developed body through her clothes. She avoided her eyes, deciding that wouldn't help her situation.

”You can do with my body as you want, Dina…”

”Ahhhh! That's not helping at all!” Dina slapped her face with both her hands. ”Okay, first, lie on the bed!”

”Okay!” Erika said and obeyed Dina.

Dina got above Erika and slowly started to kiss her on the lips and the neck. Erika's reactions were as weak as before, but she smiled and hugged Dina's body.

Dina's body fingers through Erika's body and finally, she gathered the courage to remove the woman's top. As Erika's naked body showed up in front of her, she gave a nervous smile.

”That… won't be easy…” She said.

***

Hours later the two women were lying on the bed, with their hands intertwined. Dina knew she had a really good time, but she was afraid to learn about how it went for her partner.

”So…” She asked. ”Did you...huh... like it?”

Erika thought in silence for some minutes. In these minutes, Dina thought her heart would explode with anticipation.

”Yes… Although, I don't understand some of it, so I'm not sure I did things right.”

Dina looked at her and smiled.

”I wonder if your body is different from ours or that's special for you. I know some people on this planet are like that, too.”

”Like that?”

”Or maybe it's something different. Well, it doesn't matter.”

”I don't understand, but what I feel while we were together was comforting and warm. Having your body so close to mine. I just felt...safe, somehow?”

”Because it's me?”

Erika nodded.

”Also, the faces you made when I touched you were you asked me, those were really interesting. I want to see them again…”

”Hey, hey, hey!” Dina jumped in the bed. ”Please, don't talk about that!”

”Why? Did I say something wrong?”

”No...it's...huh...embarrassing.”

”Is that so?” Erika asked, inclining her head. ”I wonder, though, can I make those faces, too?”

Dina smiled and gave a kiss to Erika's lips.

”It doesn't matter, don't worry about that.”

”Right. So I'll just study better for next time.”

”Please, don't! Huh, let me show you everything, ok? The internet has some...bad ideas.”

”Is that so?”

Dina laughed, hugged and kissed Erika again.

”I'm just happy that we'll be able to be together from now on…”

”Huh...yeah…”

Dina thought Erika avoided her eyes for a moment and acted weird, but soon she faced her again with a smile.

”So, can we do it again right now?”

Those night encounter became a daily thing for both of them. And they spent their days like that for a whole month. Dina would get anxious to be home every day. The house chores were usually all done and Erika even cooked for her now. Weekends they would usually do something together, like going to the movies or eating out. Dina considered they were already a couple, and she planned to tell her family in the next opportunity she would get. She had already talked about it with her friends, who gave some ”as if we didn't know” comments.

Still, exactly one month after their first night together, Dina got home to an Erika giving her a weak smile and saying: