Vol 2 Chapter 5 (1/2)
Part V: Paradox Spiral
Back when I was a kid, I used to hold on to this little piece of metal all the
tied teeth that started to
dig into your skin if you held it tight enough A lot of ti
all the loneliness of a cold Dece
I loved the way it made a click every time you turned it around, a chime
for each day’s beginning and another for its end The sound made me
so proud every ti
strangely melancholic
But in ti to a close The
only thing that relint of the metal, and the chill of its
surface There was no joy when I held it now, only blood that sometimes
oozes when I grip it too tight There wasn’t any sadness either Maybe
there never had been It’s just a si more And
when I grew older still, even the glint of it—which once seeical—disappeared
It was then that it finally hitaway fantasy for
the cunning of survival And for realizing that, I praised myself for my own
cleverness
46 • KINOKO NASU
Prologue
This is the year when autumn went as fast as it came
Having just entered the departing days of November, and inter
already well underway, the Tokyo Metropolitan Police Department found
another strange tale adrift on its shores To be fair, ghost stories and the
like were never out of season for the Criation Section, a trait it
lovingly shares with hospitals all over the city It’s practically a year-round
caether in a dark corner of the human experiment to
share what new stories the city decided to churn out the murder mill
Which is probably hen Detective Akimi, who is as natural a police
as they coets interested in a case of his own accord, it is a
case of some deserved curiosity Akimi built his career on stone whodunits,
a ossip about
a very peculiar report, and you have hi the relevant stations for
the very same report in no time at all
So far however, reading the plainly written report held little for him It
told a story of a bizarrely failed burglary that took place in some residential
high-rise a small ways away from don in early October The perp was
a joe with a previous record, an all too cole the apartments
of people who’d just left it unlocked Simple, old, but still effective
The day of the incident, he stole into just such an apart
the place out and waiting for someone to leave, which was probably the
extent of his planning
What ca Apparently, the
sa for help The
on-duty officers eventually got a story out of his hysteria: that he saw the
dead bodies of the family that lived in the apartment he broke into An
officer escorted him back to the apartment immediately, only to find that
the family he spoke of was indeed there On the other hand, they weren’t
dead Instead, they were in quite good health and in fact enjoying a family
dinner This understandably disturbed the burglar, though the officer really
cared only about the fact that the
and entering, and thus, took him into custody
Leaning back on his squeaky pipe chair, Detective Akimi offers an incredulous
“What the fuck?” at the air, directed at no one The suspect tested
negative for alcohol or drugs, and didn’t suffer fro mental
health problee and curious report, but otherwise,
/ PROLOGUE • 47
there didn’t see called
one Hardly a case to stand beside the current investigation that’s got half
the section in a rustle: fourone after another, with no clue as to
their whereabouts, and four families that they needed to shut up while
they worked the case frole that benefitted from their silence
Much like the serial killings three years ago, it’s resulted in many a sleepless
night for him, and he certainly didn’t need this case to add more
Still, he could feel the hairs on his back rise when he read the report, a
feeling that he’d learned to trust as the instinct that so was there,
waiting to be discovered; maybe even a report that could be turned into a
case with legs to spit shi+ne the clearance rate
“Worth a call, at least,” Akimi says as he picks up the receiver on his
desk phone and puts it to his ear He dials the number of the station where
the report ca, an on-duty officer answers and Akimi
starts to inquire for details on the report Did they check with the other
tenants for anything out of place? Did they find any inconsistency with the
suspect’s description of the family? But it becomes fruitless as the answers
fit his expectations, that they had indeed asked the neighbors, and no there
was nothing out of place, and that the description of the perp was spot-on
except with regards to the fa With quick thanks, Akimi
puts the receiver back
At that instant, a voice calls him from behind “What are you on the
phone for, Daisuke? You need to get rolling The second guy’s body’s just
been found, and you’re the primary on the case”
“fuck it, another one? Don’t tell me it’s another partially eaten body”
Akimi’s friend only responds with a curt nod, which is his cue to drop his
curiosity and get out of here No one’s going to care about the report, but
it was all tu takes priority
over this new serial oes back into file
in a cabinet sootten, even by Detective Akimi, the CIS’s
lover of mysteries
48 • KINOKO NASU
Paradox Spiral - I
In the first few days of October, the streets already blow over with the
bitter cold
Winds with fingers of ice grant gentle caresses to the lamp posts and
dumpsters Usually, the city still looked alive at this hour, at 10 o’ clock in
the evening But tonight is different Tonight, scattered pools of light in the
streets, from display stores to the street lamps, only serve to accentuate
the little shadows and silhouettes playing across the
early this year, and considering the temperature, it wouldn’t be at all out
of place to discover snow falling tonight The silhouettes of people exiting
the train station, jackets worn and collars fluttering in the wind, lack all
the life they normally have Like automatons, they walk at brisk paces to
their ho for a look at a displayor a warm cup
of coffee They hurry because they all want the warmth and familiarity of
their homes
Froather, and even
the shops whose lights seem just a little bit dimmer; the boy witnesses all
of it He sits beside a vending machine situated in a little nook beside the
avenue, idly watching the people exiting the train station Almost as if to
hide his to his chest, and he cuts a pitifully
thin figure that ender from afar His hair,
arranged like a bundle of unkempt straw, is dyed red He looks to be around
the age of sixteen or seventeen His eyes are narrowed, yet they don’t seem
to be particularly interested in anything He shi+vers under strange clothes:
dirty jeans and a blue jacket one or two sizes too big for hi
else to cover his top It isn’t surprising to see hi
He sits there for a long ti
the station begins to thin noticeably, he finds himself surrounded by a
number of other people
“Yo, To to hide the scorn in
it The red-haired boy doesn’t respond
“Ah c’nore us,” he persists Lifting the
boy by his jacket, he forces the boy froround The boy saw all of
the hiht
as he does, and it is easy to tell their ages are not so far apart “What, just
‘cuz you stopped going to school, we strangers now?” The same person
continues “Oh, now I get it Our little Torown up now, so
/ PARADOX SPIRAL - I • 49
he don’t talk to kids like us anymore, eh?”
The rest of his companions all snicker in response But when the noise
dies down, To
To his hand back up
in a fist, punching Toround, and
he hears a distinct clinking sound of so out of his
“Hey, don’t even think about sleepin’,that
clinking sound seems to jolt Tomoe Enjō from whatever state of shock he
had been suffering up to now He whispers his own name, like some sort
of resuscitative ritual, re who he hy he was here With
senses regained, he looks at the boys surrounding hi
them as his classmates, former “friends” Normal students who played
at being adult
Preying on weak people like me, Tomoe thinks
“Aikawa, right?” says To here at this hour?”
“Right back at you, man We all been worried you be suckin’ dick behind
the restaurants just to get by I irl Am I
right?” He gestures and looks over his shoulder toward his compatriots
Because of his overly thin build, Toirl in school
for as long as he can remember He never paid any heed to it, and that is
largely how he reacts noever, he does pick up the empty aluminum
can he had been drinking froo
“Hey, Aikawa,” Tomoe calls Aikawa returns his attention to him
“Wha—“
As soon as Tomoe sees that pimple-ridden face turn towards him, mouth
half open to speak, he thrusts the can violently into it, twisting the can as
deeply as he can inside Aikawa’s
the can as hard as he can muster Now it is Aikawa’s turn to collapse
To the surface to bend sharply
in places, and when Aikawa coughs it up on the ground, both the can and
hiswith blood
Aikawa’s coht they would just
mess with their former classmate, maybe even take some of his money It
never occurred to them that it would turn to violence
“Still shi+t for brains, I see,” Tomoe remarks wryly Then he kicks him
sharply and repeatedly in the head, almost like he wants to kill him, a stark
contrast to his seely uninterested demeanor earlier Aikawa doesn’t
h whether it’s because he’s unconscious or his neck
is broken, Tomoe doesn’t know After a few quick kicks, Tomoe makes a
50 • KINOKO NASU
break for it, before Aikawa or his cronies can co
the croill just slow him down, Tomoe turns instead towards one of
the side alleys where he can
turns It’s only a second or two after he starts running that the group he left
behind start to process what just happened before them He hears their
angry calls as they start after him
“asshole thinks he can just do this to us? Let’s kill that son of a bitch!”
says a voice echoing in the alleyways, whipping his companions into a
frenzy Through the capillaries of the city, they chase Toame,
baying for blood
“Kill that son of a bitch”
I let the words bounce around in h heartily to myself
I heard the verve in their voice, heard how serious they were, and they
would probably follow through on it when they catch up to me But they’re
faking it, as ly They don’t know
what happens to you after you do it for the first time They don’t know
what killing someone does to a person But see, I do
I killed someone, just before I went to the train station I remember
gripping the knife, and feeling the tenderness each time I stabbed Just
thinking back on it makes me shi+ver and want to throw up My teeth start
to chatter again, and my mind recoils on the memory with the force of a
hurricane Those guys don’t understand how far it removes you, and that’s
why they can say they’ll “kill” as if they’re just going for a little walk
Guess I’ll be the one to teach them, then I focus my mind and allow my
laughter to recede into a little smile I don’t consider myself a particularly
violent guy I believe in an eye for an eye, but tonight’s the first time I’ve
ever busted someone up who just hit me Disproportional response It ain’t
likeof not holding
back
I cos, far from
the ht at the corner,
thinking it a pris
happen in snapshots of time One of them, ahead of the others, rounds
the corner of the alley, and I take a fraction of a second to confirm it’s who
I want it to be before I spring on him The palm of my left hand shoots up
to connect with his jaw I think fast In an aht, it often comes
down to endurance in an exchange of blows I know I don’t have a hair’s
breadth of a chance winning like that, especially outnumbered, so if I’m
/ PARADOX SPIRAL - I • 51
going to do this, I do it to kill them one by one, without hesitation, before
I’m surrounded
The guy I just hit tries to return the favor, but before that happens, I
thrust a finger into his left eye It feels kind of like slightly hard jell-o when
I twist er around
His screah to send a chill down anyone’s spine Before he has
tiuy’s head and, putting
the head into the wall
A dull thud as it o of him,
his body slides against the wall towards the ground, the back of his head
leaving a lazy blood trail on the wall and his left eye a dripping, bloody
mess Still, he’s probably not dead from just that I pull my eyes away from
hi, and if I’m lucky, they’ll be just that
little bit hesitant after they heard their friend screauts out
When the rest of them turn the corner, they are immediately taken
aback at the sight of their friend Just as I thought, they are unprepared
They’ve probably seen their share of accidentally spilled blood in street
fights, but they’ve never seen a body that looks like it’s bleeding its life out
on the asphalt Wasting no ti him, and
then grabbing hi my knee
up to his kindly waiting face A low crunching sound tells me that I may
have broken his nose I give hiood measure,
then bring my elbon at his skull The impact is a painful shockwave
traversing my arm for a brief moment
Tn My knee is a dark red, soaked in the second man’s blood
“Enjō, you motherfucker!”
That last one finally pushes the rest of thee Without any
sense of reason or forethought, they jump into the brawl all at the same
tiuys at the same
tiht
They lash out punches and kicks, pushi+ng ainst the same wall
I slao until they force me to the
ground I feel the knuckles digging into my cheeks, and I reel from every
kick that lands onthe same
way I did earlier No ferocity They’re not gonna kill me They don’t want to
And yet, if they keep this up, they will eventually kill me They won’t know
that they’ll break bones, cause internal bleeding, and make it more difficult
for me to breathe The fact that ness
instead of a quick and easy one grants uish
See? Even if they don’tother people
52 • KINOKO NASU
As the hits continue to land on my body, I wonder: Between people like
me who truly seek to kill, and people like them ill just commit an
unintentional homicide, who carries it heavier in the end?
My body is already covered in bruises, but the pain is beco routine,
al really into it in their
oay, too It won’t be long before they start to enjoy it, and they won’t
be able to stop themselves
“Now don’t we look cute with that face, Enjō?” says one of them He
thrusts his foot keenly intoimmediately
afterwards leaves the taste of blood in my mouth I’m down for the count,
and I realize I have maybe a precious few seconds before they completely
beat the life out of
above expendable A fist hits oes dark At that
moment, I hear a faint sound Then a beat of silence Another beat They
don’t see
The noise resounds again like a bell: the singular, clacking tone of wood
With pained eyes I see the three guys, heads already turned towards the
sound e from the alley’s entrance I train my vision to the same
direction even as the swelling in row more painful as I move them
My mind stops
Silhouetted against the mouth of the alley is a person who clearly
doesn’t belong here The clacking sound we’d all heard earlier comes from
the person’s wooden geta footwear; the dark finish, red strap, and oval
shape clear even fro on the
figure is peculiar to say the least: a red leather jacket atop a dead plain
orange kimono
The shadow advances, each step like a reverberating wooden bell The
person’s movement is a hypnotic sway of clothes and carelessly cut inkblack
hair that invite surrender, and I alet myself Wraithlike white
skin, and eyes of clear void Surely not the usual everyday sight in a backlane
filled with scattered bottle shards and discarded syringes
A woender, but somehow, I know
she’s a girl
“Hey,” she calls out, continuing to venture deeper into the alley and
closer to us The three who had surrounded me now break off to meet her
It’s painfully obvious what they’re planning on doing to the girl
“Ain’t nothing for you here, lady” The trio flex their fingers for a new
round of violence, the exciteait barely contained They move
to surround the lone girl Unable to move more than an inch, and with
asps of air, I can do nothing except to
/ PARADOX SPIRAL - I • 53
curse them in my mind I chose this place so as not to involve anyone else,
and yet here she is in defiance of all probability And now, no doubt only
because she chose to turn the wrong alley for a shortcut home, she’ll be a
victim as well
“I ain’t playing, girl!” one of the three shouts “Don’t you got ears to
hear what I just said?”
The girl is silent again now, but in a flash, she extends a hand, using it
to grab the ar boys She pulls Her posture
changes subtly to one that puts her entire weight behind the action, and
her purchase on the boy’s arround in one violent
seeo frameby-frame,
as if I was turning the handcrank on an old viewing machine
The reirl, and she immediately
strikes the closest one in the chest with her pal him to crumple
like a ragdoll to the ground, unconscious It amazes me that she knocks
them out of commission with such ease, all in the space of about five or
so seconds, while I exerted so much effort to take out an equal number of
people The last one must have realized this fact as well, since as soon as
the second
She soon ends that with a swift roundhouse kick delivered straight to the
guy’s head, with barely the noise of rustling clothes to its credit Like the
previous two, he is rendered unconscious
“Ouch Literally hard head on that last one,” she grumbles as she fixes
the creases on her ki if she’s
even going to talk tothat
I can still slightly distinguish her form in this isolated place, even in the
absence of light “Hey, ,” she calls out as she turns to
She reaches inside
a pocket in her leather jacket and pulls a s it on
the ground within my reach “Dropped it back there on the street S’yours,
right?”
I turnkey It must
have fallen out ofme up My key
to a house that I’ve already tried to stop caring about She must have come
here just to give it back to me
She turns her back on le word and starts to make her
way back out of the alley with all the airiness of her previous entrance: the
relaxed gait of a casual night stroll, leaving round to fend
for myself
“Wai—,” the word comes half-formed out of my mouth, and I reach out
54 • KINOKO NASU
h I’m hesitant to call more attention than I
needed to frouys in the time it took me to
take out one, I couldn’t stand just being left here like a fake toy, lost a
the refuse of the city
“Wait” The word coh in a weak breath I try to redouble
the strength inout loud!”
I try to stand, and every bone in my body throbs with pain from the
atte posture with a hand
on the wall, itself aching fro
aze in my
direction
“What now?” she says, her voice still as calm as before “Look, if you
dropped anything else, good luck finding it”
“Are you just going to leave these dudes here?” I e to protest in
between bouts of labored breathing The girl in the kimono takes in the
scene around her, casting her eyes doards almost as if it’s her first
tiers on the two persons who I took care of
in my haphazard, improvised fashi+on, then finally looks back at me with
upturned eyes and a curious sigh
“You don’t have to worry about the
her head towards the first of the till probably get an eyepatch and
be doomed to do pirate impressions for the rest of his life The other will
have trouble breathing with his nose for a while But no one’s dead I’d be
uy akes up will do to you
And yet, here you are, iet them some help?”
“I…guess?” I respond
“Well see, that puts us in a pickle Who do we call, hmm? The police? An
ambulance, maybe?” Her eyes narroith each sentence that prods me I
wasn’t thinking about calling the police Maybe the hospital But they’d ask
questions If I mentioned self-defense…maybe the police would be faster,
but—
“Five-oh are out of the question”
“And why is that?” she asks, but it feels like she already knows the
answer Her eyes continue to bore intoit
anyot me, and if I tried to hide it, she’ll just ask more questions
And so I say it
“Because…I’m a murderer” As I say it out loud, as much to myself as to
her, tirow silent Far from my expectation
of her being shocked, however, she only walks toward me Her eyes scan
me up and down
/ PARADOX SPIRAL - I • 55
“Well, you don’t look like one” She looks me over, an eyebrow cocked
and a hand on chin and lip paused in pensive observation Overtaken by
thequite shocked by her doubt, I feel compelled to
explain
“It’s true! It weren’t a few hours ago, I swear I took a kitchen knife and
stabbed her over and over in the sto was all wet
and mushy, then I cut off her head You can’t tell me she ain’t dead after
that!” I start to snicker in spite of myself “The five-oh are all probably in
their heads
‘cause of another late night job Just you wait, I’ll be all over the
news tomorrow!”
It took h
after I said that, the kind of noise that lies souous
space between laughter and sobbing The kiives me time
to calain
“Right,” she says, unsurprised “Well, cool, I guess You’ve convinced me
Let’s put off contacting anyone unless you want your s to have
significantly more iron bars than usual Guess that explains why you’re
shi+rtless I thought that hat all the cool kids run with these days”
Her cold fingers brush over ht, almost curious touch
“Hey,” I say, but with little force behind it She was right I dumped my
shi+rt since it was covered in so et noticed easily I just
grabbed my jacket to compensate as I ran out of the house “Ain’t you even
gonna say so about me? I really did kill someone You think I’m just
gonna let you go, knohat you know? Ain’t no difference between
killing one person or two”
That sees her face closer to mine,
eyes half-closed in disappoinths “There is”
“There is what?”
“A difference”
Her presence is alher
than her and she’s the one looking up at me Her empty eyes never stop
staring atlike them
before The black irises are a te well that threatens to drown you
endlessly In s:
cruel, deceptive But never beautiful So overwhelly beautiful that I
alet myself
“I’ more to
say The girl casts her bewitching glance away from me and lowers her
head
56 • KINOKO NASU
“I know I’m one of those, too” She doesn’t explain further There is no
need to She turns on her heels, and with the wind ruffling her clothes and
the sound of her geta on the asphalt she starts to leave I didn’t want her
to disappear Not tonight
“Wait!” I run to catch up to her, but withthe
better of ht at the
girl, unwavering “If we really are the same breed of person, then help me,”
I yell with such uncharacteristically reckless abandon, casting away reason
and shairl’s eyes open in surprise
“Same breed? Well, I certainly knohat it feels like to have that empty
space in your chest But what do you expect me to help you with? The
cri care of your wounds? Either way, I can’t do
anything for you”
“Sooner or later, someone will spot us here Maybe you could hide me”
She ponders the suggestion with a scratch of her head and annoyed
gru she’s done so far
“Are you saying I should help you go find some place where you can hole
up?”
“Yeah, someplace no one would think to try and find me”
“It isn’t like there aren’t eyes all over this city, man The only place you’re
really ever likely to find any privacy is your own ho a
perplexed expression