Vol 1 Chapter 3 (2/2)

All descendants of our clan are given two different names, two different

logograh with the same pronunciation There is the masculine

na, the positive And then the feminine name,

which belongs to yin, the negative As I was born a girl, I am  Had I

been a boy, I would have been named shi+ki The reason we undertake

such a peculiar practice is simple to understand The descendants of the

Ryōgi dynasty have a high chance of inheriting dissociative identity disorder,

what most people would know as a split personality…in other words,

someone like me

My father once said that ours was a dynasty blessed, a state of grace

that only fe He also said it was a curse He got the “curse” part

right, at least This isn’t a state of grace by any stretch of the iination

It is, quite si time

to successfully inherit the curse Unfortunately, that only means that a lot

of my relatives ended up in asyluh to

understand what thattwo personalities breaks most people

eventually The difference between dream and consciousness, the boundary

between your memory and the other’s becomes blurred, and one so

afflicted soon turns to suicide But I was different I didn’t become insane

like the others…and so I was trained by the family

I like to think it’s because nore each other To me, shi+ki

is just another personality, one I switch to when I need it, and we exist

simultaneously, aware of each other In the duel between me and my

father, I needed his aggressiveness, so I used hiether,

it’s a bit different from what people usually call a split personality I

am , but at the same time, I am also shi+ki

Father was proud, proud to have actually spawned a proper heir to the

dynasty in his generation My older brother was cast aside in the line of

succession, and I took his place And really, I’m fine with that I don’t bite

the hand that feedsthis poor excuse for a normal

life Not like I have any choice in the matter Even if, say, shi+ki turns

into a cold-blooded killer, I can’t o away There will always be

so called “shi+ki” inside of me, and in the end, both of us are the

same No more and no less

52 • KINOKO NASU

The First Homicide Inquiry - I

“So it’s true then? You and the Ryōgi girl have hooked up?”

I almost turn the coffee milk in my mouth into a projectile at what Gakuto

just said I go into a coughing fit after al,

but it does give me a scant few seconds to scan the classroom for anyone

who heard that Everyone see their own lunchtime

business

“What do youdown my

drink

“Don’t be playin’ dumb with me” Gakuto’s face looks like he wants to

shi+ft the blame away fro

Ryōgi Matter of fact, judging from the reaction you just made, seems

the only ones who ain’t wise to it are the both of you”

I can’t see ht inadvertently be

the most disappointed frown I’ve ever made in my life

The increasingly frigid winds and rapidly decreasing tenal

Nove that it’s been seven months

since I first ether

impression

“I’m sorry to say that you have been misinformed,” I finally say “We’re

just friends, if you could even call it that”

“That a fact?” His continued disbelief exasperates me That Gakuto’s

parents stuck hi” is the textbook

definition of irony It goes against his thick-headedness and his entire tendency

to gravitate towards sports and less towards academically inclined

pursuits His status as the pride of the jūdō team attested to that more

than anything Despite our see incompatibility, we’ve struck a friendshi+p

that started way back in grade school that somehow sticks to this day

“You’re on a first nah,” he continues “She don’t seem like

the kind of broad to just let that go without a warning”

“ really hates being called by her last nah I called her

‘Ryōgi’ one tiave me a look as if I

just killed her pet dog or so She insisted that I not be formal with

her, so I ended up just calling her by her first na, huh?”

“Yeah, I guess so,” he finally concedes after a sigh and a five second

delay He looks really disappointed, leaving me to wonder what kind of

crazy story he was expecting “Then your rendezvous last week at the

school entrance wasn’t a thing, either? This is a waste of ti

/ THE FIRST HOMICIDE INQUIRY - I • 53

to you expecting details Shoulda just shut up and ate my lunch back in the

classroom”

“Wait, back it up How the hell do you know about last week?”

“I told you, boy, you and Ryōgi are fai,

but whatever Your rainy day get-together was this ’s hallway talk

Since it’s about Ryōgi, every ”

I let out a frustrated sigh and cast a gloo

that this mess doesn’t reach ’ ears She’d kill me

“They say this school has a lot of college entrants that turn out well,

don’t they? I’ to wonder if people here really are that smart,” I

blurt out half-jokingly

“Well, if it’s any consolation, at least soot

work out of this here school,” he replies matter-of-factly I’m about to make

another joke at the expense of the school’s administration and curriculum

when Gakuto chi that

don’t sit right with i? Whichever

way you wanna spin it, it just don’t seem at all like you”

I recall being told soher

year level I was told a irl would suit me more, with

the not-so-subtle hint that  was altogether too strange The words are

different but I recognize the same sort of subtle insinuation in what Gakuto

just said, and it ry

“Oh, come off it  isn’t as scary as you make her out to be,” I say

inadvertently Gakuto suddenly rin, as if finally

clai some elusive prize

“’Just a friend,’ huh? Easy, man, no need to raise your voice at me Just

curious, is all Scary chicks like that don’t come a dime a dozen, you feel

how cold she is just means you already crazy for her”

He must mean “hard-headed and obstinate” when he says “cold”,

because that’s the only way I’d describe  I know Gakuto’s right, so

only with reluctance do I finally concede

“I know, alright? Okay, you got me, Christ”

“Then what part of her do you like? Her looks? What?” I have no idea

what’s le detailed question

Well, it’s clear that  is good looking, no doubt about it But that’s not

what really drawssome invisible

wound, so and

eating her fro her slowly You see the emptiness in

her face, her thousand-yard stare, and you realize it isn’t just some convenient

metaphor; it’s real, somehow, and she needs help I don’t want to see

54 • KINOKO NASU

her get hurt

“Well, she does have her cute sides,” I venture hesitantly “If I were to

couess” As soon as I say that, I

regret it ihs heartily

upon hearing it almost reflexively

“A rabbit? Man, that ain’t even half right and you know it If she were an

animal, she’d be a hawk that can claw the shi+t outta your eyes, or some shi+t

like that A rabbit is just…” he tries to find his words ahter

“…just too far off the scale Or wait, wait Maybe she’s the kind of bird that

dies froh

“That’s it I’irls anymore”

All of a sudden, Gakuto’s laughter stops “Knohat? A rabbit ht’ve

been a good comparison after all”

Now it is e

“Gakuto, an about-face that quick is pretty suspicious, don’t you think?”

“Nah, nah, it ain’t about that I just remembered that there’re rabbits

that can bite your head off if you’re not careful, man”

After thinking on it perhaps a er than I should have, I

respond “Bullshi+t”

“Boy, of course it’s bullshi+t,” Gakuto says, stretching his ar

back on his seat “I’ames, man”

/ THE FIRST HOMICIDE INQUIRY - II • 55

The First Homicide Inquiry - II

On the day the finals for the second quarter ended, I saw a very unusual

thing

Inside my desk was a letter, which automatically makes it a bit weird,

but it didn’t end there It was the content of the letter and its sender that

surprisedme out on a date The letter said

so si

about it was vaguely threatening, almost like an ultimatum

I ca what to make of what I just read I

waited for the next day to come, with all the dread of a samurai who had

just been ordered to co

I’ve been waiting for what must have been an hour in the place 

designated: the statue of the dog Hachikō in front of the train station, when

I finally see her walking towardsI

notice is that she’s wearing a different colored kimono today, the color of

autuht red jacket Though I see

 almost every day, I’ve never really noticed how s

at her from this distance The walk that animates her makes her features

look distant and cold, and yet she carries herself with dignity and grace;

a contradiction not unlike the one you would find on a puppet, a puppet

almost alive in its appearance, and yet ultimately dead

“Yo, Kokutō Been waiting long? My bad,Akitaka was a pain

in the ass”

The second thing I notice is that she pronounces my name weird, and I

get the feeling she’s referencing so-dead French poet with it And

that’s not even going into the way she’s talking now It leaves me stunned

for a second, and I look at her a bit too long, as if to confirm whether it

really is  or some sort of elaborate but dumb prank by Gakuto

“What, being an hour late is a cardinal sin now?”  says She must

have noticedyour ass

some would do you wonders, my friend” ’ black eyes stare at me

weirdly The sa

far off, even during the first time we met on that snowy day

“U in my head as I do so

“You’re , right?”

She raises an eyebrow atmaybe the school

56 • KINOKO NASU

principal?”  laughs, leaving a suspended grin on her face afterwards

“Well, tionna have to leave it

to you where we go”

She then grabsa mockery

of her final state by the arm across a variety

of specialty stores, never really buying anything, buton to a new

shop after she gets bored I try reasoning with her, see if she wanted to

go to a movie or a coffee shop to take a breather, but she parries with an

iht, anyway Going to

such boring places wouldn’t fit ’ character now

She talked A lot Quite a contrast to the usually quiet  I knew It’s

like she’s high or so stores

Given the state she’s in right now, it h of relief that

she’s still going to wo

up with , she says she wants to eat, and so after ,

she decides on a fast food store

The second we go inside the restaurant  attracts attention with her

ridiculously out of place kimono, but she doesn’t seem to mind As she

places her jacket on her seat and sits down, I decide to ask her the obvious

“So, is this the way you normally talk out of school, ?”

“Only in er

chunks It looks like she doesn’t like it “But really, how you talk means

absolutely nothing I ht now and

you’d still be the saer in seconds

“I’ht about now”

She has no idea

“I guess I have so to do This is the first time you’ve seen

me after all I’ve been quiet until now because me and  were on the

sath on this one”

The words are going in, but I don’t understand what she’s saying at all

“It’s what you would call a split personality I’m shi+ki, and the one you

usually see is  But don’t get , we’re not like different people

or anything  Ryōgi has always been one person The only difference

between us is our priorities”

While she says this, she puts a wet finger to a paper napkin, writing her

two na characters but the same pronunciation One

shi+ki that means “weave” Another  that means “ritual”

“I just wanted to give you a friendly neighborhood chat, is all 

wasn’t keen on the idea, so I took over in her place You get me?”

“I…suppose so,” I answer uneasily The truth is that I really do sort of

/ THE FIRST HOMICIDE INQUIRY - II • 57

get it, when I think about the time we met at the school orientation We’d

met before that, but e talked at the orientation, she said she didn’t

know anything about it I thought it was because she hated me or some

other siuess now I can kind of understand

Being with her for half the day, I come to understand there really isn’t

so big a difference between today’s shi+ki and the  I supposedly know

Like she says, she talks differently, but the way she moves is the same So

the veracity of what she says seems

now a foolish notion

“But why tell me?” I say

“Figured it’s only a matter of time before you knew” She takes a sip from

her juice but is

“I’m what you would call ’ destructive impulse I represent the

things she wants to do the most But until now there’s no one I could direct

this impulse at  had no real interest in anyone” She mentions this

with disinterest and just a tinge of regret, as if dreading the fact that she

had to say it at all She keeps looking at me seriously, and I’m afraid of what

she’ll do should I move

“You can relax,a mouthpiece for

what  thinks right now I’o Charles Whitman on you”

There is a pause for a e

the saying of so to be

out of sync, so I’d take rain of salt, if I were you”

“’Out of sync?’ Does that ht?”

“I like how you think soht with himself But no, not

like that See, whatever I do, it has to be so we both want ’

at the hel you was a mutual decision She probably

would have gone about it entirely different, though It’s not really in her to

just go out and take you on a date You can thank me for that one” I nod

without really thinking, focusing , partly because

it’s interesting, and partly because I can’t take in half of what she’s saying

shi+ki laughs “See, I like that about you  thinks otherwise That’s

what I mean when I say out of sync”

The way she worded it, I don’t know if  doesn’t like that I don’t

give it ht, or if  doesn’t like that shi+ki likes me I’d like to

believe it’s the latter though, for the sake of my pride at the very least

Quite abruptly, shi+ki stands up, and puts the money for the food she ate

on the table

“Well, guess that’s about it Let’s call it a day”

Putting her jacket on, she makes her way to the door with a happy skip

58 • KINOKO NASU

in her walk, leaving with only one thing to say:

“You’re all right, man I like you, so we’ll see each other real soon”

After parting with shi+ki, I start to make my way home Once I reach the

street, I’low of

sunset Though it’s still a relatively early time, there’s a lot less people in

the main road than usual thanks to the recent murders

I ) with

shi+ki for that long, so I make my way inside my house with only a cursory

greeting to ood

warm nap, only to find ood

friend, had already usurped the table Wordlessly, we initiate a battle for

the warround In the

end, however, I am no match for him, and while he lies down, half his body

being war to stand up

“Yousome of the

oranges on top of the table, resignation clear in my voice

“Yeah, real busy, ith five murders in three months Sorry for

crashi+ng in your house like this Figured your dad’s house was closer to the

police station, and I only get one hour of R&R before I need to get back, so

going home would have been a waste of time”

My cousin Daisuke is a homicide detective in the city police, an irony

since he’s “kind of a lazy guy” His words, not mine Why the department

would put acrime is a mystery not

even he can solve He’s o-to source for all of the crime related stuff

that happens, a convenience that see its worth with every

passing day

“How’s the search going?” I ask

“Baby steps We were pretty hard up for leads, but in this fifth vic, the

suspect finally threw us a bone, even if it does seem intentional” Daisuke

sits up and faces rim look on his worn out and sleep-deprived face

“What I’m about to tell you is confidential, Mikiya You’re not entirely unrelated

to this, so listen up I told you about the first vic, right?”

Daisuke then proceeds to describe the situation with the second and

third victi that not all policemen in the country are this

loose-tongued, I listen to his story The second victim was vertically sliced

in half from the crotch to the head Murder weapon unknown One of the

halves was stuck to the wall

The third victis The

/ THE FIRST HOMICIDE INQUIRY - II • 59

fourth was cut into pieces, hat looked like a symbol or some other

ed such that the arms and

legs formed a manji symbol

“Obviously so to

hold back the growing sickness in my stomach

“Too obvious, though This guy has some sort of point to make here

What do you think?”

“H killed by a

cutting weapon Other than that, I don’t know But…”

“But?”

“He’s getting used to it All the victims until now have been outside The

next one ht be a break and enter job”

Daisuke puts a hand on his temple I really do pity the stress this job,

and heck, this case is giving him I know he’s barely had any time to himself

“There’s no

inside houses next if he doesn’t find anyone outside to kill I hope the brass

gets the sauy and have some sort of plan for it Probably

not, though”

He closes his eyes, right hand still resting on his head, nursing an invisible

wound “As for why I told you all of this…we found this in the fifth

crime scene Suspect probably dropped it” He produces a small plastic

bag from his pocket; the kind used to preserve evidence, and inside is our

school eo

to school

“The area had a lot of vegetation, so the suspect ht not have noticed

that he dropped this Or it could have been intentional, soe

I don’t know But it’s the only lead I got Iyour school

a visit in a few days,” Daisuke says, almost like a premonition for an ill omen

60 • KINOKO NASU

The First Homicide Inquiry - III

Before anyone could grow comfortable or complacent with it, winter

vacation ends The only special thing that happened during that time was

that I made the customary visit to the shrine on New Year’s with shi+ki, but

other than that, there was nothing else of note

As the third term starts,  starts to isolate herself even more Even

I could tell she was trying to stay away from other people as much as possible

After school, she likes to look out the hen everyone else

has left, but it would always be shi+ki that waits, just like today I keep her

coh she hasn’t said that she wants me to She needs it,

I think

The winter evenings come earlier, and the sunset that heralds it bathes

the classrooht makes the shadows that

play across the classroom’s walls even darker, and shi+ki’s shadow is no

exception She leans against thebefore she begins to talk

“Say, Kokutō Did I ever tell you that I hate people?”

“Not really” I reply with the tone that implies skepticism at where this

topic is going

“Well, congratulations, now you know ’ a misanthrope, been one

since she was a kid See, when you’re a kid, you don’t know nothing yet,

right? You think every random Joe you meet on the street loves ya, just like

that I mean, you love yourself, so it’s common sense that they must like

you too, right?”

“I suppose When you’re a kid, you still trust everyone When you’re a

kid, you’re scared of ghosts When you grow up, you get scared of other

people”

“Right But that ignorance is what’s really important, Kokutō It never

occurs to you that your best friend could be a hbor

could be killing puppies in his spare time You don’t suspect And since

you don’t know anything, other people will accept you And no matter how

fake that is, it’s important, since you’ll be able to love other people too

People can only express the emotions they know, after all”

The sunset paints her face red, and her eyes acquire that peculiar gaze

of hers, rened disdain of a

predator hiding its intentions froht now, I can’t tell which

shi+ki she currently is Maybe it doesn’t even matter

“But it was different for me Since the day I was born,  had me

inside of her, so she already knew of other people I didn’t love her, and

/ THE FIRST HOMICIDE INQUIRY - III • 61

so she learned that it was possible for people not to love Ever since she

was a kid, she learned how ugly people can be on the inside, and so she

couldn’t love other people In time, that tempered to rejection, and then

disinterest”

And that’s how I grew to dislike people, her eyes seemed to conclude

“But weren’t you lonely like that?” I muse

“Why would I be?  has me, doesn’t she? She was isolated from society,

sure, but alone? Never” She tries her best to look like she really means

it “But lately,” she continues, “ has been acting kinda weird She’s

been trying harder and harder to deny her abnormality Denial is what I do

She’s only supposed to affirhs bitterly at their private joke,

her sinister s the brutality beneath

“Kokutō, have you ever wanted to kill someone?”

At thather face take

on a deep, crimson, almost blood-stained look, and it made my heart jump

“Not really, no Probably the furthest I’ve ever thought in that vein is

wanting to punch someone”

“I see But for me, that desire is all I have,” she declares, as her voice

echoes across the e red sun

“What do you mean?”

“All the things that  really wants to do, all the things she holds

back, I welco and purpose, and

it doesn’t make me unhappy at all to know that And that’s why  has

always tried to suppress me She always tries to kill the black stain in her

that’s called shi+ki I’ve killed ain I told

you, right? ‘People can only express the emotions they know?’ Well, the

only emotion I’ve ever experienced…is murder”

She finally stands up fro so much

as a sound, draws closer to enuine

fear, in my heart

“And that’s why, Kokutō, ’ definition of murder,” she pauses and

leans close tome She

kills anything that makes me want to come out”

And with her prankster s the end of the conversation,

shi+ki leaves the classroom

62 • KINOKO NASU

The day after, I try to pretend as if nothing happened I go about the

 to eat lunch

together

“Wanna grab a bite with me?”

“What…in the…” Her face betrays surprise, a face I’ve yet to see her

put on until now, and yet with her voice wavering, she reluctantly accepts,

perhaps to preserve routine

 always liked going to the roof, and so we head there We climb the

stairs, with  choosing to remain silent, but I knew her pointed stare of

surprise and anger is boring a hole in my back I know the reason why she’s

mad Even I could read between the lines of what shi+ki said yesterday But

it’s not like she hasn’t unconsciously been sending signals for me to back

off, and I just take it as business as usual

When I open the door to the roof, we find that we’re all alone It seems

that we’re the only ones that want to eat lunch under the cold late-January

sky

“Man, it’s cold,” I say “Wanna go somewhere else?”

“I’ht If you want to eat somewhere else, however, then you are

welcome to do so”

As always, her sarcasm-drenched politeness doesn’t really bother me

We sit beside the wall to avoid the chill of the wind, with

finished two sandwiches  hasn’t even touched hers

“Why are you even talking toalmost

inaudible even in this deserted rooftop, and it was so sudden I wasn’t able

to hear it clearly

“You said so, ?”

“I said, why are you so thoughtless?” she says while fixing me with the

salare she had on earlier

“Oh, come on I’ve been called ‘honest to a fault’ many times before, but

never ‘thoughtless’”

“Then everyone’s been going easy on you,” she says, sounding convinced

 finally breaks open the wrapping on her egg sandwich; the

sound of the crunching plastic seal echoed in the empty rooftop The noise

was fitting so her sandwich in

small, deliberate chunks, and as I’ I

can practically feel the wave of angered expectation she’s generating, so I

try to break it by starting the conversation that had been in the air since I

asked her to eat lunch with me

&ldq