172 Vol. 3 pt. 42 Patch 7.0: Monster Showdown (2/2)
”Was she that scary cat one who kept on glaring at me back when I was on your boat?”
”Yeah, sounds like her. Anyways! Fenny wouldn't want to teach some guy like you anything, and I bet he wouldn't even know how to! He'd just be like 'oh, umm, just be yourself and be nice,' or something!”
”I am nice!”
”No, you're a creep!”
”You mean girls don't want me to offer to swoop them off their feet to go flying in the sky with?”
”I promise you that the only thing girls want from you is your giant fox pet because he's adorable. See, even Rock wants him.”
”Rock?” the man asks, looking over at Shogun. Lo and behold, his trusty steed is getting father than him in life despite not even being a real player. ”Bro! I told you I'd help you hook up with somebody after I got a girl for myself! You can't just leave me behind like this!”
Shogun and Rock both look over at him, look back at each other, and resume playing.
”B-but… bro code…”
”Sorry – actually, no, I'm not sorry. This is what you get for being a creep. It's okay to be ironically creepy, like me, but you can't seriously be a creep. Also, what do you think this is? This isn't the beginning of the century anymore. Girls don't like guys feigning to be nice to get in their pants.”
”So, you're telling me I need to be some asshole douchebag to get laid!”
”Oh my – no, I am not telling you that. Literally, all Fenny does is be nice and treat girls like they're normal people and boom, he's drowning in grumpy blondes, perverted munchkins, delusional snakes, and literal pussy.”
”Hey. Who are you calling a grumpy blonde?” Cassiel asks. ”A-and… he did more than just be nice and normal to me.”
”What? What did he do? Tell me! I need to know for research!” the stranger begs.
”We-well, first I tried killing him, but he forgave me and heard me out, and then helped me get revenge on the assholes that I was after, and then he was always respectful and nice on top of all that,” Cassiel explains.
”And you liked it when he'd push you up against walls or pin you down whenever you were sparring,” Oleander adds on.
”Sh-shut it! I'll kill you!”
”So, I have to kill people for them and be physically aggressive to get girls to like me? I could do that,” the man says.
”No!” Oleander shouts, stomping on the man's back again. ”You're missing the point! Context! C-o-n-t-e-x-t! The point is that he forgave her and helped her out despite the rough start they had, took care of her, treated her like a normal person, and then appealed to her fetishes!”
Oleander turns his head when he hears the unsheathing of a blade.
Cassiel is standing there with her sword in her hands and face turned red from embarrassment.
”My goodness, it certainly looks lively over there!” Nell says from aboard The Shoebill.
”Nya… I want to go cheer Fenya up! He looks so sad-nya!” Nyaiko whines, looking through the scope of the ballista to observe Fenrir.
”Let him relax with the serpent,” Serra says. ”He likes having alone time sometimes, and you're too hyper for the serpent.”
”It's nyot fair!”
”Now, now, Nyaiko, I am sure that he will spoil you in time. For now, let us allow him to spoil the one whom saved us all. Why don't we talk about something unrelated to him so that we do not fail the Bechdel test?”
”Like what?” Serra asks.
”Erotic fantasies!”