Vol 2 Chapter 9 (2/2)

Hirosue soothed Matsuoka and took off his underwear His penis, freed from its restrictive cloth confines, was already half-erect Matsuoka was adorable, with his head bowed and his blush reaching up to his neck And so was his member, which showed its pleasure honestly When Hirosue touched it, he was startled at how hot and hard it felt

“D-Don’t touch it!” Matsuoka grabbed Hirosue’s wrist “Don’t feel like you have to do me any favours”

“I want to touch it,” Hirosue insisted “Just seeing it like this is―overwhel”

Although Matsuoka resisted, Hirosue touched his member anyway He rubbed it slowly like he did with his own, and watched it swell before his eyes Matsuoka’s spine shuddered Hirosue only had to stroke it a little before it cohtly

Matsuoka cried out

“Sorry, did it hurt?” Hirosue hastily withdrew his hand Matsuoka covered his mouth with his hands

“I’ized hesitantly “It’s hard to get the hang of it”

“It didn’t hurt”

“But…”

“It really didn’t hurt I was just a little surprised ―I think I feel worse when you’re leavinglike that”

Encouraged by his words, Hirosue closed his hand once again around thethat it didn’t hurt, Matsuoka kept inching away from him, so Hirosue slid his opposite hand behind his back to support him When he used that hand to pull the man close, Matsuoka hesitantly circled his arms around Hirosue’s neck

Matsuoka’s ecstatic gasps touched Hirosue’s ear as he continued to slide his hand up the radually became more tense

“Let go, I’,” Matsuoka said breathlessly

“Go ahead”

“I don’t want to”

“Just do it”

“No I don’t want to get your hand dirty”

Although Matsuoka kept telling hio, Hirosue did not listen Matsuoka released his heat into Hirosue’s pal his hand

“I told you to let go You think it’s gross, don’t you?” Matsuoka looked on the verge of tears Hirosue found his expression so seductive that he drew thethe man as he slowly pushed him down onto his back

Even a socially ignorant e of how h he had no memory of it But he had been drunk that first time, and to be honest, he wasn’t sure of the proper steps He wondered if he should loosen it up a little, like omen, and he reached to touch Matsuoka’s nether part He felt Matsuoka’s body instantly seize up under his

“You don’t like being touched here?”

“I don’t mind,” Matsuoka said quietly, and iel”

Hirosue did as he was told and used the lubricating gel that came with the hotel But even with that, the body pinned beneath hi opening They were both men, after all; perhaps Matsuoka had an aversion to this kind of act Hirosue withdrew his hands

“You can go ahead,” Matsuoka said

“Huh?”

“Do what you like with me, Hirosue”

Hirosue was still concerned about Matsuoka’s reaction

“Are you sure you want to do it?”

“It kind of hurt the last time I did it, so I think my body just does that on its own It’s not like it actually hurts now”

The last time I did it The sentence scratched Hirosue’s chest like a fingernail He could not hide his jealousy, and his question ca tone

“Last time? With who?”

Matsuoka widened his eyes in astonishment Then, his face crumpled as if he were about to cry

“With who…?” he said in a raspy voice Suddenly, Hirosue remembered

“Oh… with me…”

Matsuoka shoved Hirosue away and curled up on his stomach His head and back trembled

“I’ently e “I’m so sorry”

Hirosue barely remembered the one time they had had sex before; that hy it didn’t really sink in for him that he had already done it once with Matsuoka But he could see from Matsuoka’s reaction that the way he had done it was far froh to make Matsuoka’s body shrink back in fear―that was how painful and unpleasant his experience had been And Hirosue had done this to him

“I’ll never do such horrible things to you again” He gently ran his hand over the man’s head “I promise I never will”

He stroked thebody and embraced him from behind

“I’ll be good to you,” Hirosue said, his lips against Matsuoka’s neck There was no answer No answer―but Matsuoka twisted around, entwined his arhtly

Hirosue woke up to see the bedside laht near his head, Matsuoka was lying on his stouid expression, Hirosue reached out and gently ran his hand along the man’s shoulder Matsuoka flinched

“It’s rude s his butt out in the ashtray “I couldn’t help it”

When Hirosue drew him close to kiss him, Matsuoka squirmed away

“I sht now,” he protested

Hirosue chased the reluctant man and kissed him It was true; it tasted a little bitter inside Matsuoka’s mouth, but it became sweeter the more they kissed

He re into Matsuoka He had taken his time to loosen the man up, and had carefully inched his hips forward Inside, it was tight, closed, and hot―and it enthralled Hirosue completely As they kissed, he came inside Matsuoka over and over He refused to pull out of that comfortable crevice until Matsuoka pleaded with him to do so

Matsuoka’s lips, glistening froain

“Did it hurt?” he asked as he stroked the aze flitted down

“―No”

“You don’t have to pretend it didn’t, okay? You sound a little hoarse Do you want a drink of water?”

Matsuoka nodded, so Hirosue clierator When he passed it to Matsuoka, the ulps like a child He was dribbling a little bit froainst it gently Matsuoka flushed and thrust the bottle back at him

“You can have it back”

Hirosue went on to touch his ear

“Why’re you touching me?” Matsuoka asked

“Would you rather not be touched?”

“That’s not what I meant, but…”

When Hirosue touched the edge of his eye, Matsuoka screwed his eyes shut, hunched his shoulders, and grew s that Hirosue brushed his lips against both of the man’s eyelids

He took Matsuoka in his ar rapidly like a bird’s It was still the ht Hirosue wondered if he could keep cuddling Matsuoka like this until ainst his chest and pushed hi touchy-feely after the act It was admittedly a little lonely for Hirosue, who didn’t want to break the physical contact But if Matsuoka didn’t like it, there was nothing he could do Nevertheless, he was reluctant to let Matsuoka go, and longingly tugged at a strand of the ers

Matsuoka shrank away as if to avoid Hirosue’s touch, and began dragging himself up He had an odd expression on his face

“I want to go ho up in bed at his voice

“Wh-Why?” he stammered

“I don’t like this”

“You didn’t like doing it with me?” To be honest, Hirosue wasn’t very confident about his skills in bed The sex had been good for him, but in the end he could not tell whether or not it had been the sa with him a few times, but…

“Did I do it in a way that you didn’t like?”

Matsuoka shook his head “But you’re being nice,” he said

“Can’t I be nice to you?”

“It scares me when you’re nice”

Hirosue did not understand what he was trying to say

“Everything’s going too well,” said Matsuoka “I was positive you wouldn’t be able to sleep with ured it was all in your head and it wouldn’t work out That’s why I invited you to bed I thought if we actually slept together, you’d finally learn the hard way that it wouldn’t work”

Matsuoka sniffled

“You told me so many ti insideit, I ondering when you’d stop and say, ‘I can’t do it’ or ‘This isn’t what I expected’, and the whole ti to prepare ot swept up, too and… even now, I’iddy inabout anyround , but…”

Matsuoka stuck his hand in his hair and ruffled it furiously

“I’ht now, and I’ood place, and I’d rather die than hear you say ‘I can’t do it’ or ‘I’ve had enough’ right now And I’ home”

Matsuoka tried to get off the bed, and Hirosue lunged to stop him

“I won’t say anything like that”

“I can’t be sure about that I can’t trust you, Hirosue”

Matsuoka’s harsh statement made Hirosue feel like cold water had been splashed over the roloeen them

“I love you, Hirosue I love you a lot, but I knohat you’re like You’re insensitive, and you have s, you’re indecisive, and you say you hate lies but you lie yourself You’re nice to people you like, but cold to those you don’t like ―I asked myself so many times what I loved about someone like you It would’ve been so irls who tellmyself, there’s no reason to…”

Matsuoka broke off

“No reason to choose someone like you”

Hirosue’s heart felt raith pain It was difficult to have his own shortcos―of which he ell aware―laid out before hiht, and Hirosue could not argue back And it was probably his own fault that he wasMatsuoka say this―Matsuoka, a man who said he loved him so much

“After you dumped me in March, I was depressed for weeks I couldn’t eat properly, and I started to s it out on s weren’t going to work out anyway, it was better that it ended this way It was better that I had no idea where you went I didn’t want to go through hell like that again, so I decided I’d go out with a girl next tiht I was getting over it…”

Matsuoka’s uncertainties overflowed one after another

“I know I’ize” He co like he was about to burst into tears He edged away as if in fear

“You don’t have to apologize And I’ry, either So you don’t have to be scared,” Hirosue added “I’ll do my best not to make you feel insecure anymore, Matsuoka”

He caught the man’s slender body as he shi+ed away, and embraced him

“I’ll ain”

He ran his hand carefully through the man’s hair For some moments, Matsuoka stayed still in his arms Then, he hesitantly slid his are sob, and then, pressing his nose against Hirosue’s shoulder, Matsuoka burst into tears like a child

Night turned to day In the early ered about theether The streets were deserted like a ghost town, and they used it as a convenient excuse to hold hands on the walk to the station The first bullet train was scheduled to leave just after six o’clock Hirosue followed Matsuoka to the platform to see him off There weren’t many people here, either Hirosue took Matsuoka in a tucked-away corner of the vending h they had been in each other’s arh No ah for him anymore

He hadn’t wanted to let Matsuoka go hoo today, either

“Are you hungry?”

“I usually don’t eat breakfast”

“Want so to drink?”

“I’ on the train”

“Does it hurt to sit down?”

“I’ll lie down if the seat beside me is free”

In the end, Matsuoka began to laugh at Hirosue’s bombardment of questions

“You’ll go bald fro too much”

“But…”

“It’s nice of you, but you can keep the worrying in moderation”

The bullet train pulled into the station Matsuoka was the very last one to board He had been s, but the moment the doors closed, a sorrowful look spread over his face Matsuoka gave a sht

After the rumble of the train faded, Hirosue was overcome with loneliness He felt like half of hiain, even though they had just parted He seriously considered ju onto the next train to chase after him

An incohts It was from Matsuoka

‘Are you co down this weekend?’

That was all it said It was a question, but Hirosue couldn’t help but feel like it was a plea for hi so Noith the relationshi+p they were in, the two-hour trip by bullet train and forty minutes by local line seemed an unfathomable distance

‘I’’

He returned a short e like as if they were in conversation He waited for a little while, but there was no reply If he stayed on the bullet train platforer, he felt like he would really find hi on the next train Hirosue walked briskly to the platform for the local line

It was perhaps ten ed fro as a new e-mail arrived It was from Matsuoka, and the subject line read, “Don’t mind me” That only made Hirosue even more curious, and he rushed to open the e-mail

‘I want to see your face I want to be treated gently, to be told I’ weird But I wanted to say this I’m sorry Don’t mind me’

Matsuoka was ahis way―but Hirosue could tell that these were his honest feelings His chest burned with emotion, he felt choked up, and his breaths shook If love was going to make him choke up like this all the ti else

But at the saht to tears He was cohts until the weekend? Hirosue counted the days on his fingers like a child before Christmas

End of “Of Beauty”

Afterword

Thank you veryup Utsukushi+ Koto Voluazine publication for this to be co for the second volume to come out, I’m sorry to have kept you I can finally write “End” with a flourish Two volu around in circles, all over ro journey

Now that their relationshi+p has sorted its problehly take his ti ine he’d be clu such a Hirosue, especially because he, too, loves him back very much I’d want him to be pelted with Hirosue’s love beams and become head-over-heels

In the delusions inside ether, and have become the kind of hopelessly sappy couple that people roll their eyes at

I always think that aand a little insensitive is a really bad coh, what a jerk…” toof Hirosue’s lines But I do feel like these types of people are common in society

As I also wrote in the afterword for the first volume, this story is driven by romance and ends with ro the scripts published in the azine was that there was no mention at all of the name of the company these torked at, nor the specific kind of work they did

Back then, I suppose the co as there was love Maybe I was the one who’d turned blind to ht, if I’d co So the story drew to a close without the co up Haha

To Ms Shoko Hidaka, who handled the illustrations: now I can’t wait to line up the two beautiful covers of the first and second volu all the different versions of Matsuoka: crossdressed; noroatee… It really fuelled inations Thank you so much

To ood care of me: finally all of the serialized parts of the story have been novelized I’m relieved as well that Utskushi+ Koto, which was the most difficult work for me, is over I still have plans, so I hope we can continue to work together

Thank you for reading until the end I hope to hear froht have

Hoping to see you again in another book,

Narise Konohara

Written one day in December