Vol 2 Chapter 2 (1/2)

Twice, Hirosue turned down invitations froht a cold They’d been talking about watching a movie over the weekend, but he pushed that back to the folloeek as well, using the cold as an excuse

It wasn’t as if he had anything special to do instead; after turning down Matsuoka’s invitations, he merely sat absently at home or watched TV

On the day he received the news of his layoff, Hirosue had been too devastated to eat anything The following day at work, he couldn’t concentrate and keptcareless mistakes, but the head clerk did not reprimand him

“Well, be careful next tih Hirosue’s mistake would usually have warranted a su Hirosue wondered if the head clerk was only pitying hi laid off, and it made him feel even more wretched

Once he gave it a week or so to let the news sink in, Hirosue gradually found hied that he was incapable, he began to realize that he also had to do so about it Once he lost his job, as an obvious consequence, his income would plummet to zero No doubt the head clerk had let hi for his next job soon Hirosue tried to think positively as he began the search for his next job

On Saturday afternoon, Hirosue sat before his CV and an eht hard He was bad at thinking on his feet, and not skilled at conversation, so he probably wasn’t suitable for a sales job He preferred an ad that didn’t involve interacting with others He found a few places that matched his criteria, but the salary was considerably less than what he was getting now That couldn’t be helped, so he resigned hi out his CV when he realized so life, he had worked solely in administration He had no other qualifications to speak of He had nothing by which to promote himself

Should he return to school? Or take correspondence courses? He couldn’t hope to do any of it on ti for a job i his CV He looked at the exae, then made a mistake He used a correction pen, but it didn’t look quite right He felt like the person reading the CV would have a bad impression Hirosue crumpled up the unfinished CV into a ball, tossed it into the trash can, and rolled over onto the tatao back hoht He was a little weary of the city and its harsh work environ personal relationshi+ps

Hirosue’s hoion His father had started up a factory for processed fish products, which Hirosue’s older brother and wife had succeeded They now ran the business along with Hirosue’s parents, ere still working Their profits were not large, but they generated enough income to comfortably provide for the family

Since the factory didn’t need any more hands, Hirosue would only burden his family with another h that the countryside yielded a severely limited choice of jobs compared to the city

As Hirosue lay there, he started to get hungry He hadn’t bothered to eat anything sinceHirosue threw on a down jacket over his sweatshi+rt and sweatpants and left his apart around with a new eazine in hand when he spotted a book he had been intending to read a few years ago It was now out on paperback and piled with the front covers showing He took that as well and headed to the cash register

He thought about going for a walk to refresh histo cons of corey and the air had been cold for quite a while

After buying new CV templates and a bento at the convenience store, Hirosue ht home Just when he was around the corner fro in his pocket It wasn’t an e-mail notification―it was a call From Matsuoka

“Yes, Hirosue speaking”

“Oh, hey, this is Matsuoka Where are you right now?”

Hirosue looked around “Near my apartment Why?”

“I had an errand to run in this area, and I thought I’d drop by your place, but you weren’t ho what happened to you”

“I went to the convenience store”

“Oh, okay,” Matsuoka onna be home soon?”

“Yeah”

“Can I stop by your place for a bit? I’m still in front of your door”

Hirosue didn’t have the heart to send back a man who had come all the way here But to be honest, he did not want to see Matsuoka just yet He didn’t think he’d be able to truly enjoy Matsuoka’s company If the man worked at a different coet Matsuoka to sympathize But since they worked at the same company, Matsuoka also kne their syste laid off, Matsuoka would instantly know that it was because he was incompetent

Hirosue wasn’t going to flatter hih opinion of his job performance, but he even so, he didn’t want thelaid off at this age He knew Matsuoka would find out anyway through the HR bulletin on March 25, but he could not help it

“I’m still kind of sick I don’t want you to catch my cold,” Hirosue answered

“Oh, I won’t stay long I just have soive you”

It looked like he would have to see Matsuoka after all Hirosue aain with leaden feet He didn’t want to see Matsuoka, but he had to He already felt guilty about cancelling their plans with a lie, and he hadn’t been able to refuse

He could see his aparture shi+fted in front of his apartment door It was Matsuoka When the noring hiave a small wave back

“Long tiuess” Matsuoka hunched his shoulders He earing jeans and a khaki-coloured coat He looked good in glasses, and his rugged ring wasn’t pretentious at all Even in Hirosue’s view as a fellow h to make one jealous Matsuoka was the total opposite of hi of sweats and a down jacket Looking at Matsuoka made him feel like they were different somewhere on a foundational level

“I’ our plans so many times”

“You were sick, weren’t you? Don’t worry about it” ‘Kay? Thean uncomfortable prick in Hirosue’s conscience

“So, what did you go out to buy?” Matsuoka asked, leaning into peer at what he was holding Hirosue unwittingly hid the bag of books behind hiazine wasn’t visible through the paper bag separating it fros

“A bento and some books ―I was a little bored,” he added in an excuse

“I brought you soht books and DVDs instead”

A plastic bag was offered to him

“Oh, no,” Hirosue stao out of your way to…”

“It’s not much to feel bad about, really, so take it,” Matsuoka insisted “It’s too heavy to carry back home, anyway”

Hirosue could see the red of apples and the orange of tangerines in the plastic bag that had been thrust towards hih he had lied to Matsuoka, the uilt was enough to make him want to crawl into a hole

“I don’t want to keep you, so I’ll be on o for drinks once your cold gets better”

Without even a single selfish request, the o ho out before he knew it

“Um―”

Matsuoka turned around just before the stairs

“U better”

Matsuoka tilted his head curiously “Good for you,” he said

“Since you’ve come all this hy don’t you stop by for some tea? Just excuse my mess”

Matsuoka’s face visibly lit up “Really?”

“Um Yeah”

Matsuoka hurried back to his side Hirosue unlocked the door and ushered Matsuoka in before him As the arettes

“Matsuoka, are you a smoker?”

“Oh, would you rather I didn’t smoke?”

“I didn’t mean it like that I’ve just never seen you smoke, that’s all”

“I do it once in a while Today, I had nothing to do while I aiting for you, so… oh, but I didn’t drop ashes on your doorstep or anything I carry around a portable ashtray”

Hirosue smiled “I wasn’t worried about that”

“Oh You must have quite a bit of faith in me, then?”

“Well, I just know you’re not the type to do that”

“You’re givinghappy all the same as he stepped inside the apartment He went down the narrow hallway into the far rooht of him was the same as when he used to crossdress Hirosue offered a cup of coffee to the hly frozen himself outside

“Thanks,” Matsuoka said, wrapping both hands around the cup and bringing it to his lips “Say, it’s been a while since I came to your place, Hirosue” Matsuoka blew on on his coffee to cool it as he spoke

“Really? Last time―” The last time had been Christmas, when Matsuoka had kissed him and Hirosue had shoved him away The moment he realized it, Hirouse closed his mouth They never touched this topic, as if they were under an unspoken oath Matsuoka was the one to break the unnatural silence

“You knohen I heard you had a cold, I was i in bed But if you ell enough to be at work yesterday, it’s probably not that bad, right?”

“Oh Yeah It was getting better, but I just took the day off today to be safe”

The re made his throat dry as he spoke He hated people who lied without hesitation, but here he was lying, too, when things were inconvenient for hieon of doubt made him feel even more uncomfortable

“I knohat youOh, what book did you buy?”

Hirosue’s throatsound

“Oh… um, it’s a paperback By Hisako Ando”

“Uh-huh Is it interesting?”

Hirosue took just the paperback out and pushed the bag with the eazine to a corner of the room He passed it to Matsuoka, who read the synopsis on the back

“So these are the kinds of books you like, huh,” he murmured “I don’t really read novels I do have an interest in them, but there are so many books out there, I don’t knohere to start Tell ”

“Um Sure”

Matsuoka flopped on his stoh the paperback As his eyes skian to blink more and more frequently Finally, Hirosue heard a soft fwu, quiet inhale No way, he thought as he peered into Matsuoka’s face The man was, in fact, fast asleep

Hirosue had heard of certain people ere so bad with books that a few lines were enough to overcome them with an uncontrollable sleepiness Maybe Matsuoka was one of those people, though it was broad daylight now and not nighttime

Hirosue stared intently at Matsuoka’s sleeping face Sprinkled over the chin of his small face was the stubble that had jolted Hirosue back to reality In the old days, facial hair enerous tuft below the nose and on the chin, and depending on the person it would look unpleasant and unclean But nowadays, it was different Matsuoka’s stubble was thin enough to maintain an impression of crisp cleanliness, and was clipped in a neat shape It looked good on him, and Hirosue admitted he looked handsome But there was no sexual attraction in that, and it did not arouse him in that sense

At ti that way, but upon further thought, he realized that that was normal A vast majority of men in the world did not feel sexually aroused by other men

The distant sound of an a eyebrow to twitch Come to think of it, Matsuoka’s eyebroere also nicely shaped After gri his head frohtly closed eyelids slowly opened He snatched off his glasses in annoyance and rubbed his eyes vigorously Even when their eyes met, Matsuoka only stared absently at hi half-open

“…Sorry I was sleeping, wasn’t I?”

“Only for about five minutes”

“I’m really sorry”

“Don’t apologize,” Hirosue laughed Matsuoka scratched his short hair

“I’ve had to wine and dine clients until late on weekends, so I haven’t been getting much sleep”

Even a harmless phrase like “wine and dine” felt like a thorn in his chest Hirosue wasn’t sure about ent on in the sales department, since it was out of his field, but he’d heard that Matsuoka was good at his work Hayairlfriend, had said so Even around Hirosue, Matsuoka was full of vibrant energy, wasn’t afraid to speak up when he ought to, and was considerate towards others Such an ableend of a layoff Irritated by the self-pity slowly taking over his thoughts, Hirosue stopped thinking altogether

“Go to sleep if you’re tired,” he told Matsuoka “There’s not much to do, anyway”

However, Matsuoka did not nap any longer He stayed for about half an hour to chat, then left to go hoinally not wanted to see Matsuoka, he felt refreshed once he had actually talked to him He was also happy that Matsuoka had co he was unwell

Hirosue took out the e which he had pushed away It was no use troubling his He had no one else to bla envious or resentful of people was not the way to go about coping with it

Hirosue slowly turned the pages of the e requirements and salary sections

Hirosue received an e- that his older brother’s baby was born He couldn’t help but sht of the flushed, monkey-like baby It rinkly and cute This was his brother’s third child and long-awaited girl

At the end of the e-irlfriend yet?’ Hirosue replied with a congratulations, but he couldn’t answer the part concerning the girlfriend Last year, he had told his brother that he was seriously thinking about one hoathered for the meal when his father had broached the topic

“So, where’s that girlfriend you said you wanted to marry?”

“We didn’t work out,” Hirosue had answered There was no way he could say that his girlfriend had in fact been aon a rather strange sort of relationshi+p that was neither friendshi+p nor romance

That week, Hirosue received no invitation to go out, since Matsuoka was on a business trip out of town Hirosue went to a departift for his brother’s baby He went along with the sales associate’s suggestions and bought a ready-ed to have it shi+pped It wasn’t h to make him tired He sank down on a chair near the elevators He didn’t come to department stores often, and to be honest, he quite disliked the

Maybe I’ll have lunch at the set- absently, when someone called him from behind

“Hirosue?”

He turned around to see Hayae as Matsuoka, and was a clerk for the sales department at headquarters Last year, she had come to Hirosue’s workplace at Koishi+kawa Laboratory for a few ot to know each other, and they had dated for a short time

Hayaotten very beautiful while he had not seen her He had already thought she was cute when they were dating, but it seemed as if she’d refined her look even more than before

“Oh―long time no see”

He had been the one to break off their relationshi+p because of everything that was happening with Matsuoka After that, he had not contacted her again Since their workplaces were far apart, they also never ran into each other

When they broke up, Hayaest impression of her was her mournful expression But Hayah to wash Hirosue’s guilt and lingering hurt cleanly away

“It , too?” Hayama asked

“I came to buy a baby shower present for my brother”

“Congratulations,” said Hayahtly

“I should be congratulating you You’re getting ht?”

Hayama put a hand to her mouth and widened her eyes in surprise “How do you know about that?”

“I heard from Matsuoka”

A s in both hands She bued herself by

“Oh, I’e and attitude clearly said she thought it was Hayae

“Oh, want to have a seat?” Hirosue said, offering Hayama the seat across from him

“I guess I should, since I’m apparently in the way,” Hayama said wryly, and sat down

“Hirosue, I didn’t know you and Matsuoka were close”

“Uether once in a while” He couldn’t say that they saw each other several times a week

“I’ve never heard anything fro each other Oh Maybe he didn’t mention it because he felt bad for me,” she h a ed es, but when I actually met hi just fell into place We’ll be having the ceremony in July”

Hirosue felt like he could feel the happiness wafting over from Hayama as she smiled

“What about you, Hirosue?”

“What about what?”

“Were you able to get back together with the girl you like?”

Hirosue s back together”