Vol 2 Chapter 1 (1/2)

“Hirosue”

He opened his eyes a crack Motofumi Hirosue didn’t realize he had been asleep until he oken up by so his naood dreah he couldn’t remember what it was

He was gently stroked on the head The sensation of those indulgent fingertips wasthan he could describe He could see Yosuke Matsuoka leaning in to peer at hientle look on his face

Matsuoka’s head was sh nose Hirosue couldn’t help but notice the perfect shape of the man’s face every time he saw him So different from his own nondescript and unfashi+onable self Hirosue usually did not care much about men’s looks, but when someone was as finely-chiseled as Matsuoka was, it was hard not to stare It took hi back at hiaze did not an to feel suffocated

“Hirosue”

Still unable to figure out why his na called, he simply answered, “Yes?” The other man crept closer and closer Hirosue sensed that he was about to be kissed, but he did not try to get away, nor did it ever occur to him that he needed to

Their lips overlapped He could feel their softness Matsuoka was gentle with his touch, just like when he stroked Hirosue’s head Hirosue closed his eyes dreamily in the lull that felt like a continuation of his dreaht him violently back to reality―it was a sensation he was not supposed to feel Every touch caused a crawling down his spine that made him shudder

Repulsion overtook him, and Hirosue instinctively shoved away the body before him A distance forentle face turned tense, and he looked at Hirosue like he was about to cry The thoughts behind Hirosue’s actions were simple: it was unpleasant, so he had simply pushed it away He did not i of what he had done

Matsuoka’s gaze, which had been almost painfully fixed on him until now, dropped away

“I’m sorry,” he said in a small voice

Hirosue didn’t kno to respond, since he didn’t knohat the apology was for

“I think I’rabbed his coat and bag, and briskly made his way to the doorway Hirosue rushed to stand up, but felt the ground lurch under his feet He leaned against the wall and called to the man from where he was

“The last train is already gone”

Matsuoka turned around “If I get out to thehis coat over his shoulders as he smiled at him The tension still remained in his cheeks, which pained Hirosue somewhat

“You should stay over”

“Not today, thanks Good night” With that, Matsuoka left for home Once left alone, Hirosue felt closed in by loneliness and guilt Today was Christmas Eve, his birthday, and in celebration, Matsuoka had treated hi japanese full-course reed they still felt like drinking a little one in search of another restaurant or bar Unfortunately, every shop they went to was full They couldn’t bother to wait for seats, and it was much too cold outside In the end, Hirosue and Matsuoka decided to kick back with drinks at home, and had come back to Hirosue’s apartment

They drank over casual conversation, chatting about the meal that they had just enjoyed or the drunken office worker they had seen on the way back It was a good time over drinks―or, it was supposed to have been

He had pushed Matsuoka away, but it wasn’t because he didn’t want to kiss hio, though he had been too drunk to remember any of it Because of that previous experience, he had never expected to feel so repulsed at feeling Matsuoka’s sparse stubble rub against his own chin

All this ti about the man who had deceived him in women’s clothes but claimed to love him in earnest His mind was so full of Matsuoka that he had ended his relationshi+p with his girlfriend Now, he was seeing Matsuoka under the condition that he would “probably fall in love with him”

He was more than aware that Matsuoka was a o was not the way someone acted towards the person he loved

Hirosue had already been getting a sneaking suspicion It was oneup often with Matsuoka It was fun being with him Hirosue was bad at conversation, but he could talk sether, the space they shared beca impulse there He didn’t feel the saht when he was crazy about Yoko Eto

Matsuoka aiting for him to arrive at an answer Thefor Hirosue’s next htly overstepped his boundaries But Hirosue had rejected the o hos up

Hirosue pulled out his cell phone He wanted to send an e-mail, but he didn’t knohat to write There was no way he could say he had pushed Matsuoka away because he had been repulsed by his facial hair I was just surprised because it was so sudden―soe he wrote would hts and eventually fell back asleep When he woke up, it was

He had received an e-ht

‘Sorry I went a bit too far back there I was a bit drunk,’ it said, in a swift apology Hirosue felt it would be strange to respond to an apology with another apology, so he only wrote, ‘Please don’t worry about it I’m sorry as well’

That was the night of Christmas Eve, his birthday

The trees lining the streets were completely stripped of their leaves, their spindly burnt-brown branches swaying in the wind As they walked down the sidewalk to the subway station, Matsuoka flipped his coat collar up and hunched his shoulders

“I told you, it’s fine,” he said “You ive , so you don’t have to worry about it”

Matsuoka’s breath hite when he exhaled They were past the chaotically busy days of the year-end and new year, and were now into February, the year’s coldest season It had snowed yesterday and day before, though not enough to accuers were still prone to freezing

They had proave Hirosue et there, but today of all days, he was told to work overtiuessed an hour of overtih to finish it He e-mailed Matsuoka, whom he had dinner plans with, and asked hi back their dinner a little ‘That’s better foran hour later than the original tiht at that point

Another clerk had been told to stay behind as well as Hirosue They split up the work, and Hirosue finished his portion in about an hour He felt reluctant to just pack up and go home because his portion was done, so he stayed behind to help the other clerk So with the nu up on the spreadsheet

A recalculation made it clear that the clerk had made a simple calculation error They would have faced serious consequences if they had sub the mistake

“I’an to make the corrections Suddenly, the co with the screen

When they restarted the computer, the portion of the data that they had not backed up was coan recreating the unsaved portion Time ticked on, and by the time they finally finished, it was past nine

Hirosue’s workplace at Koishi+kawa Laboratory was in the outskirts of town, and transportation was frustratingly lacking The bus was their mainnearby But even the bus stopped running as early as seven in the evening Hirosue knew a taxi was going to be inevitable the moment he was told to work overtime Luckily today, his co-worker offered to drive hiuilt

When Hirosue finally got to see Matsuoka, it was almost ten The izakaya they usually went to closed at eleven-thirty, and he didn’t know many other restaurants nearby He had been at a complete loss when Matsuoka peered into his face and said, “I feel like eating raood ra to hi, and if Matsuoka wanted to go, he had no complaints about it

The warhout his frozen body It was Hirosue’s first ti at a food stall, but its unpretentious and informal atmosphere re Rah to fill the a few pieces of oden Matsuoka see all the boiled eggs that the stall had prepared for the day When the stall owner told him they had run out, Matsuoka looked dismayed “Already? That’s too bad,” he said, even after he had eaten so many Hirosue discreetly smiled to himself

So s had happened today, with his overtih to azed at Matsuoka joking with the stall owner Matsuoka’s smile made him smile, too

They left the stall in high spirits The station was close by, but since they armed up, they chatted while they walked to the next station over Soon, Hirosue started to feel cold in the whipping wind He felt guilty aboutMatsuoka wait for close to two hours in this weather, and had apologized

“Did I really say ‘sorry’ ten ti?”

Matsuoka turned around at Hirosue’s question His eyes narrowed as he grinned

“I lied”

“You can’t just throw around numbers like that”

“That’s how h”

Beside hi about winter As Hirosue wondered who used to sing it, the song eventually stopped Matsuoka looked up at the sky

“I wonder if it’ll snow today The weather forecastto”

Matsuoka brought his hands out of his pockets and blew on his fingertips

“Aren’t you going to wear gloves?”

“I left them at work”

Hirosue couldn’t help but notice how red his fingertips were He took off his own gloves and offered them to the man

“Here” He had gotten them as a present from Matsuoka They arm and comfortable to wear, and had becoloves, but did not move to accept them

“It’s fine If I borrow them, you’ll be cold”

“But it bothers me”

They stood in their tracks, staring at each other’s hands Neither would back down

“Half and half, then,” Matsuoka said, taking one glove from him

“Are you sure half is enough?”

Matsuoka laughed briefly, though Hirosue had no idea why, and wore one glove and stuck the other hand in his coat pocket He broke into a brisk walk

They spotted a round in front of the crosswalk near the station He looked past fifty, and the hair on his head was getting pitifully thin A police questions like, “What’s your name?” and “Where do you live?”

“Stop botherin’ round Their discussion was going nowhere Thewhiff of alcohol just by walking past him He clearly had had too much to drink Perhaps he was lucky that the officer had found hi outside in this cold

Matsuoka glanced backwards after they passed the ed man

“I wonder if he had a rough day, or so”

“Looked like it, huh,” Hirosue agreed Matsuoka let out a thin sigh

“Speaking of which, you kno our co so to be laid off at the end of the fiscal year Seeh, so we probably have nothing to do with it”

“I haven’t heard anything like that where I am”

“Maybe things are different in the research field Oh, on an unrelated note, Haya in March”

When Hirosue turned around in surprise, Matsuoka looked hiht in the eye

“Why?” Hirosue couldn’t help but ask

“Because she’s getting married”

Hirosue stopped in his tracks

“Apparently she had a e interview last Nove’s been decided like clockwork I guess arranged ’s in July, but she says she’ll quit in March and take her time to train herself in her housewifely duties”

Hirosue and Haya until last October Hayama’s confession hat started it Back then, Hirosue had still been having trouble forgetting about Yoko Eto Perhaps if he spent time with someone neith soet about her―that hat he had thought

In the end, he had ended up breaking up with her Now, it was none of his business if Hayaot married afterwards But he still could not hide his surprise and bewilder this news barely months after their breakup

“―I suppose wo on, huh,” Hirosue said, partly to himself and partly as a question

“Who knows,” Matsuoka disain Hirosue followed after hiht about the woo Wasn’t it a tad flighty of her to tell him she loved him, then marry another man barely sixif she’d always been that kind of woman, and a sudden realization dawned on him

People’s feelings change Take his had swayed towards Matsuoka even while he was dating Haya of superiority, assus directed solely at him, would remain forever He was embarrassed at his own insolence

“Ms Haya and really ood wife,” Hirosue said as he caught up to Matsuoka

“Was Haya?”

“I think she was, at least She used to ratin often”

There was a slight pause “If it’s just curry we’re talking about, I’ood at that, too,” Matsuoka mumbled “I used to cook forfull-time Curry with lots of seafood, or curry with a focus on mushrooms With cheese”

“You put cheese in curry?”

“It’s actually pretty good,” Matsuoka said “I made it for a couple people and they all liked it”

“Uh-huh” Cheese curry with mushrooms It sounded quite rich

“Want me to make it next time you come over?”