Vol 1 Chapter 5 (1/2)

On Monday, Matsuoka went to ithout getting ht helped hio round and round like a Moebius loop, arriving back at the same spot

The beginning of the as always a drag for hio to work

He stayed at the office only long enough to attend the , then burst outside as usual where the snowflakes occasionally swirled in the air He braved the freezing weather and dashed fro His clients, however, seemed to somehow sense that hiscontracts Close to evening, he finally garnered one new client He returned to the office to find a memo pasted to his computer

‘1:00 pm – phone call from Mr Hirosue of Koishi+kawa Lab’

As soon as Matsuoka read those words, he felt all the blood rush to his feet Just yesterday he had turned things over and over in histo keep a distance frory at hi him

“Hey, did Mr Hirosue say anything?”

The handwriting on theand turned around

“He only asked if you were here I told hie, but he said he wasn’t in a rush and hung up pretty quickly”

“Alright,” Matsuoka said, then went back to his desk He sat down, but all he did was stare at the coers

“Matsuoka, don’t you need to write up the contract by today?” his senior said in the next seat over, and only then did Matsuoka hastily begin working He ain and found typos and nu it when his section er left the office for the day, and Matsuoka was forced to defer the task to the next day It was past six by the tione home, but he stayed behind He had accuent, he didn’t want to go hoan to leave while he stayed behind for an hour or so, and by the tiot up to leave, there were only two people left

He stepped onto the elevator and descended to the lobby on the first floor The receptionists had gone hohts in the lobby were turned off Footsteps and voices bounced off the high, cavernous ceilings

“I think he’s gone ho rounds”

The irritating voice belonged to fukuda Matsuoka hadn’t had a proper conversation with fukuda since spilling the beans about his girlfriend, Okabayashi+, to him at the beef rice shop

“So, how are you doing yourself? Isn’t it tough being in a department that’s out of your field?”

fukuda was talking to so to was tall, but Matsuoka couldn’t see his face because the man’s back was turned to hi, either, because of his small voice

Matsuoka walked right past fukuda, pretending not to notice theet ahile the man was conveniently in the shadows of the pillar, but unluckily, he was caught

“Hey, is that you, Matsuoka?”

It would be too rude to ignore fukuda now Matsuoka had no choice but to turn around with a smile

“Oh, hey, fukuda You’re here late today”

fukuda strode quickly over to hi Aren’t you around pretty late for someone in Sales?”

“I had a lot of paperwork to do,” Matsuoka explained fukuda laughed

“Well, even if you work overti the day It evens out in the end, right?”

fukuda’s tone grated on his nerves, but Matsuoka knew that losing his temper would only make him feel worse So he smiled and smoothed it over

“Yeah, you can say that, I guess Well, see you then,” he said, trying to leave

“Wait,” fukuda stopped him

“So else?”

“Someone wants to talk to you Hirosue who used to be in General Affairs Remember him?”

Matsuoka’s body stiffened when he saw theat hier

“It’s not really our first ti, but… I don’t think I’ve introduced myself properly I’m Hirosue from Koishi+kawa Laboratory” Hirosue bowed his head slowly in front of Matsuoka “I gave you a phone call, but I was told you were out”

“Oh, right” Matsuoka’s voice trembled

“I have so I want to talk to you about Would you be able to spare ht now?”

In no as Hirosue’s tone forceful or obliging, but Matsuoka felt like refusal was not a choice He followed after Hirosue like a prisoner being taken to the gallows The only difference was that, unlike a prisoner’s, his heart wasn’t prepared to take the outco him

Hirosue went into a coffee shop close to the station The place was famous for its delicious coffee, but Matsuoka had never visited because it was on the opposite side from where he usually entered the station

They sat down across fros were silent at first

“Will you have anything?” Matsuoka was asked A glass of water would have been enough, considering hoas feeling right now, but he ordered an americano anyway

“Did you approach me at the station before?” the man asked

“I h he knehat theabout He was unbearably thirsty, despite the cold outside He reached for his glass of water, but his fingers shook soup

“I know thisyou such an intrusive question e barely know each other but… well… what kind of relationshi+p do you have with Ms Yoko Eto?”

Matsuoka didn’t understand the question He tilted his head Hirosue paraphrased

“Are you dating Ms Eto?”

“Dating?”

“Aren’t you in a romantic relationshi+p with her?”

Matsuoka had no idea where Hirosue had gotten this notion

“I don’t knoho Yoko Eto is,” he lied Hirosue’s face twisted slightly

“You live in Suite 502, Brides Apartawa-cho, am I correct, Mr Matsuoka? I looked it up on the e there with Ms Yoko Eto, aren’t you?”

Matsuoka could finally see where this was going Hirosue hadn’t realized yet that he and Yoko Eto were the same person

“The other day, I happened to pass by Ms Yoko’s place, and I saw you go into her apartht she lived by herself At first, I thought you were siblings, since you have similar appearances and mannerisht you two ether as a couple”

It was clear nohy Hirosue was angry Matsuoka felt his clenched palry if he found out that a woman as supposed to be his only lover, soe to, was actually living with another man

“To be honest, I’m in love with Ms Yoko,” Hirosue continued “But it’s al, and I don’t kno she really feels That’s why I think I’d be able to grasp things better if you explain to me what kind of relationshi+p you have”

Matsuoka felt rescued when his coffee was brought to the table At least he didn’t have to talk while he drank Matsuoka pretended to be occupied with his coffee while he thought about how to h this situation Hirosue hadn’t found out that Yoko was actually hi Instead, the man was under the impression that Yoko had a boyfriend As a priority, Matsuoka wanted to sort out theabout the boyfriend, but had no idea what excuse to use

The easiest excuse was to say they were siblings, but their last naed in his mind If they were close cousins, it would be normal for them to visit each other

“I’m actually Yoko Eto’s cousin”

Matsuoka was sure Hirosue had heard, but there was no reaction from him

“We’ve been close since ere kids,” he continued, “so we still visit each other So came up, and she had toat my apartment until she finds a new place to live”

Matsuoka panicked Here he was explaining that they were cousins, but the suspicion in Hirosue’s eyes showed no signs of fading

“And how long have you been like this for?”

“About a month?” Matsuoka said uncertainly

Hirosue bit his lip and looked down

“I don’t think a woman would normally move into her male cousin’s apartment, even if she had to move out on short notice”

The ht, now that he mentioned it But since Matsuoka couldn’t think of any other reason why Yoko Eto ht be in his apartment, he had no choice but to stick to his lie

“We’re really cousins And…”

“You’re contradicting yourself,” the man said, quietly but with finality “At first you said you didn’t knoho Yoko Eto was, but now you’re saying you’re actually cousins and you live together I can’t trust what you say”

There was nothing Matsuoka could do about that

“I won’t be surprised to hear that you’re dating Ms Yoko I figured you were, and I’m prepared to hear it Please don’t lie Tell me the truth Please”

If I were to say ere dating, would this guy give up? Matsuoka thought on a whim

“Do you love her that much?” he asked

The htly “I think she’s a wonderful person”

“She can’t talk, you know”

“She ht have a handicap, but she certainly doesn’t act like it She’s a strong woman”

“She’s pretty careless, and she’ll flirt with anyone”

After a slight pause, Hirosue replied

“Everyone has a selfish side of the that If that is part of what makes her who she is, then I’d want to love all of her”

Matsuoka’s back burned in embarrassment to be told he was loved He looked down to hide the blush creeping up his face The ht in the heart

“You really don’t care what she turns out to be?” His voice trehtly

“I can love her as long as she is who she is”

Matsuoka closed his eyes They needed to draw the line He reseated himself deeply in his seat, and let the tension leave his body

“Why don’t you talk about that kind of stuff between the two of you?”

Reluctance suddenly clouded Hirosue’s face After a short silence, he mumbled his answer

“I don’t want to get into an argument with her If I can find out the truth, and if I can accept it, I don’t plan on seeing her again”

Matsuoka hunched his shoulders

“You ht be fine with that, but what about Yoko? You say you don’t want to get into an argu direct contact with her No one likes getting into disagreements, but sometimes you need to”

Matsuoka stood from his seat

“Talk the rest of it out with Yoko That’s all I can say”

Matsuoka put his coffee money on the table and left the shop Hirosue did not come after him Matsuoka clutched his cell phone the whole way to the station, and even after he boarded the train When he got off at the station closest to his apart Matsuoka couldn’t even wait to cross the road, and read the e-ht

‘It’s been a while I hope you’ve been well’ Hirosue’s e-an in a so you home the other day without even a decent conversation Thank you for co all the way to my house because you orried aboutvery badly Will you meet up with me?’

What he had set into motion as Yosuke Matsuoka appeared directly as results He immediately moved to send a reply, but stalled Back at the coffee shop, he had thought it would be okay because Hirosue had confessed his love so many times But would Hirosue still profess the same love if he revealed that he was Yoko Eto?

His swelling confidence evaporated at once

Matsuoka put his cell phone in his pocket and returned to his apartot another e-mail from Hirosue

‘I know you ry at me But all I ask is that you to see me just once so we can talk’

Matsuoka had been ready to confess just seconds ago But he quailed in the moment of truth

‘There is so from you,’ Matsuoka wrote ‘I know I have to see you and talk to you about it, but I’m so afraid that if I tell you, you won’t love me anymore’

As soon as he sent the e, he received a reply as swift as an arrow

‘Noyou’ The e-s But Matsuoka still pressed his point

‘I know that it’sI can do if you stop loving me because of it But I’m still afraid’

He received another immediate reply

‘No matter who you are, even if you’re a crisecrets in your heart―whatever bad things they e the fact that I want to be with you I want us to work through it together’

Maybe things would be alright with this man He loves ive me

‘I’m often fortunate to be told that I’m beautiful Is it the same with you as well? Is ita little too persistent, but he sent the e-mail anyway

‘I think you’re a beautiful person But I’m attracted more to your heart than your appearance I’entle heart’

Matsuoka read the e-reat care

‘I love you, too,’ he wrote back ‘If I were an eighty-year-old woman, or a little child, or someone who doesn’t deserve you, would you still love me?’

Matsuoka smiled a little at the reply

‘Ms Yoko, even if you grow old, or turn into a child, no matter what for you out and falling in love with you’

Urged on by the entle words, Matsuoka sent an e-mail

‘I want to see you, too Pleasetruthfully’

They agreed to meet in a hotel lobby Matsuoka chose the place He had a room reserved upstairs, but he decided they would meet downstairs first

They had agreed to , but Matsuoka couldn’t wait and was down in the lobby at six-thirty Taking a seat on the sofa didn’t make him any calmer, and every ti, he turned around to look At first he had been filled with anticipation at Hirosue’s arrival, but the closer it got to their an to dread it

I don’t want to see hiht circled round and round in his head Matsuoka rose halfway out of his seat, but ended up sitting back down

At fiveIt was an e-mail from Hirosue

‘It’s taking a little longer to finish my work I’ll be about thirty minutes late I’m sorry,’it said

‘You don’t have to rush Be careful on your way here,’ Matsuoka replied, sinking deeply in his seat This is the last tiht absently He had reserved a roo in private, but also because he had in mind as to come

If Hirosue accepted him for who he was and still wanted Matsuoka physically, Matsuoka illing to have sex with hi that was needed for sex between twothis way, but those were his honest feelings, and there was nothing he could do about that

Matsuoka had a feeling Hirosue would accept him The man had said it didn’tas he was “hio back on his word, but Matsuoka couldn’t help but harbour a fragment of doubt in his heart

At about fifteen minutes past seven, he heard hurried footsteps in the lobby Matsuoka turned around to see Hirosue running in his direction The e

“Good evening,” Matsuoka called out to Hirosue, as now pacing uncertainly, unable to find Yoko Eto here

“Uh, um…”

“You’re ht? I’ll take you to the room”

“Oh Alright” Hirosue was still out of breath as he followed Matsuoka The ot on the elevator It was cold outside, but a thin sheen of sweat coated Hirosue’s brow Just knowing that thefilled Matsuoka with tender yearning

“Is Ms Yoko in the room?”

Matsuoka did not answer Once Hirosue sensed that he was being ignored, he didn’t try to press any further Matsuoka got out of the elevator and led thelook at the roo behind him

“Where’s Ms Yoko?”

Matsuoka kneas only natural for the man to do this, but it wasn’t very pleasant, to say the least, to see Hirosue search for Yoko Eto in such an obvious manner

“I want to talk to you Please have a seat”

Hirosue did as he was told and sat down in a nearby chair His gaze was clouded in uncertainty as he stared at Matsuoka

“I’ll ju of is not co today”

The ed at Matsuoka

“Why not?” he dereed to meet here today”

“Calht?”

Matsuoka pushed Hirosue by the shoulders and forced him to sit back down

“I had a bad feeling about this,” Hirosue muttered “I orried, really worried about whether I could really see her…”

Matsuoka patted hiesture But the rily

“Who are you?”

Matsuoka was stuck for words

“I came here to see Ms Yoko Why are you here instead? Did she say she didn’t even want to see me or talk to me directly? Is that what she said?”

“No, she didn’t But―”