Part 6 (2/2)

I screaet his ar to die?

Stuck between an undead married couple like ere in some freaky porno movie She tried to bite me, he tried to bite oose bumps erupted all over me I wanted to torch every inch of flesh that had touched the das I wanted to burn the spots and then rub them in alcohol I rolled to the side and she ith round onain

I bucked under her, but she was very persistent in trying to biteI rolled again, this ti at ain, just for good measure She just stared atdeep in her throat

You and me both, babe Frustration sucks

He rolled onto his stoot his hand under his body, and tried to push himself up I ran over and kicked hi a sack of rotten potatoes If I had a gun, I could just end this Shoot hie, bloated e to kill in any conventional way I looked around for a rock, but that would mean I would have to lean over to set any oo on et close to hi to shi+eld e I could put one of the big, inflexible bags over my upper body, cut a hole in the top and wear it I didn't want to get any crap onelse on I looked around at the few clothes I had cleaned up and saw the big floral-print dress Of course!

Sure, I would look ridiculous, but the zombified lovers wouldn't care They wouldn't care one little bit

I grabbed the dress and my knife and ran to the shore I stripped off my clothes, jumped in the surf, and scrubbed every inch ofthe hair out off ain Then I let the hot sun dry me I donned the dress, hiked it up, and looped the bottom up so my feet were free It was actually quite comfortable, but it billowed aroundneckline, which let lots of air in overzorabbed one of the suitcases, a large one that was pretty dry I usedback over ured out how to chase h with a thick weave that was hard and barely flexible I cut a hole in the top for my head and then a couple of holes for my arms I slid it over my body and felt ready for war No way could he hurt unk on me

I went back to camp and found he was on his feet He came at me and I stepped aside I snatched up my turtle helmet and slid it onto my head like a World War II soldier I ran to the other side of camp and picked up the spear I felt like a real warrior now

We danced back and forth At first I didn't want to hit him with the spear I orried about hoould feel to stab hied in and drove the spear point into his body fucker Try to take over my island How about soone in very far I tried to slap him across the temple with it Maybe that would make hied to scrape his forehead

This was exhausting, but at least I understood a little bit about what our ancestors had gone through while fightingthat ed arm Some of the beads flew off, but I turned at the last second so they hit the top of the hel in and drove the spear point into his chest It skittered across his ribs, opening his skin with a nasty cut It didn't bleed, and he didn't look like he cared or even felt it

I heard shouting in the distance and turned He alht me across the chest with his arm It knocked ain to see that o had arrived There were three of them, and they looked just as terrified as the last ti, ”Hey, wait! I need help! Don't run off again! Please!”

I ca across the beach as they stared at me with their mouths wide open I waved the spear overI didn't thinktheir own spears

They screamed and ran back toward their boats One had a look of such complete fear on his face that I actually felt sorry for hiirlfriend with her husband in tow It scared the shi+t out ofat me I ran toward the men as they ran to their canoes One turned and shook his spear at me His eyes ide open, and his iant O

”No, please takewhile casting quick glances behind the to wade into the water and follow the the bottoet eaten by a shark or a whale

I turned on them I was furious She had her hands out, but she didn't look down So, like usual, she tripped on a piece of wood that had washed up on the shore I ignored her and marched toward the husband I drew the spear back, overinto his chest It went in this tiross mushy stuff As the spear went in, a bunch of pus showered my face

I went crazy

I ripped the turtle hel him When I was done, his skull was aLike a can or six had been opened and dumped on the sand

Oh God! What had I done? I didn't ht about it, I really did I was pretty sure I was ready to kill hiot used to ho and duht I would wear hi I have lived with one zombie companion, why not two?

Did this ain Then I pulledon his body-for the second ti to beuntil her gag came loose I was so beyond sickened that I couldn't even throw up I dragged her back to the ca back on and tied her to the tree

Then I collapsed and slept until dawn

This , I went back to the body and studied it I tried to ot my razor-sharp piece of rock and went to work The arm came off first

His muscles and stuff were still soft The only hard part hen I had to rip the bone out of the shoulder I had to put ainst his side and pull for all I orth His other ars These ca time The second one was stubborn, so I had to plant my foot in his crotch and pull on his knee The sound of the bone coer on a toilet

I didn't have the energy to stay at it I had to go hunt and fish The only good thing was that I threw a rock at a pair of birds and actually hit one of theround I picked it up and twisted its neck until it snapped I pulled all the feathers off, roasted it and ate every bite, going so far as to crack the bones and suck out anything in them Earlier today, I didn't think I could take down a pissed-off zombie husband Now I could twist birds' heads like it was no big deal

It was a rough day, and I deserved a drink I cracked open the ru shich burned all the way down to irl DrankI wish I had enough booze to become an alcoholic on this cursed island After a while, I slept like a rock

Day 21

My Girlfriend is a Moaner

What to do with the body? What to do? In the uy always has a plan I didn't I don't even knohat I a to hunt food for the day, then deter whether I should save soy to do it all again

It's so hot! I swear this place gets warmer every day I took my shi+rt off and fetched my Jamaica cap It was a lot more comfortable than the damn turtle shell, which smells terrible

I had to dispose of the body, but I wasn't sure how to do it I dug into the sand, but not for very long I bet I got down less than six inches, since there was a layer of rock under it I would need a shovel, or it would take me a week to make the hole with ed the parts into the bushes, but she ain I already needed to clean her out, and I was not at all looking forward to that little chore

I stood on the beach in the beating sun and looked aroundthe parts in the water, but they ht float back to shore Or I could have buried theht eat them, and I was seriously concerned about the zombie virus Now that he had cos that nibbled on hiave me an idea, but first I had to dispose of the body

I went back at hilad that he had dried out a little bit, but he was still far froular stiff His upper body was probably a hundred and twenty-five pounds How the hell was I going to move it? I would have to slice it open God!

She sat on the ground and stared at h her hair, and told her she was still beautiful to rowled, moaned, and did her usual ”I want to eat you” stare with her pretty blue eye I cleaned out a couple of bug eggs froround

I helped her to her feet, took the log off her lap and let her stretch her legs a bit She stumbled around in a circle, then went to her husband She dropped down beside his torso and leaned over to bite him I shuddered, pulled her off, ain while she fussed at ed it behind reat idea would hit , and hitdirection, which was down I should have been looking up Of course Up!

I dragged the leg to a tree and looped the nasty thing overa mass of ealed blood I tried not to gag as I grabbed hold of a branch and tugged ot one foot on another branch and was soon a few feet off the ground When I was about fifteen feet up, I e branch

She couldn't reach that, not in aand put it in another tree This one was easier, because it still had a shoe on, so I had a way to tie the thing to a branch It actually stretched between two branches