Part 29 (1/2)

But, while I was anxiously caring for all, no one seeenius, if I possessed theh the croud unnoticed; or noticed only to be scorned: insulted by the vulgar, for the souish me from themselves; and contemned by the proud and the prosperous, because of the forlorn poverty ofthe fashi+onable and the fortunate, where I ht have hoped to find urbanity and the social polish of a civilized nation, I could gain no ade, and was no sycophant The doors of the learned were shut upon nitaries, in church, physic, or law Of science they were all satisfied they had enough: of profit, pros of which they were in full pursuit, I had none to give By my presence they would have been retarded, offended at the freedoraced They sought other and far different associates

'Bowed to the earth as I was by this soul-killing injustice, and wearied by these incessant toils, I still did not neglect edy for an hour I considered and reconsidered the objections that had been made I was convinced they were ill founded: but I was not left to the exercise of ment I had no alternative To lower the tone of passion was in edy; but it uments that were and perhaps could not but be satisfactory, to anyand confirhtly expences of a theatre made it a reat, for the toas capricious To obtain all possible security against risk, therefore, was a duty

'The reluctance hich alterations were made occasioned them to be rather slow At last however I finished them, as much to my own satisfaction as could under such circumstances be expected; and a fair copy, written as all the copies er

'A week longer than in the former instances elapsed, before I heard from him; and, when I did hear, the substance of his letter was that he had a new co then the middle of March, would entirely fill up the remainder of the season!

'What could I do? No blame was imputable to him for the delay It was no fault of his that I was pursued by the malice of poverty; that I was tor the necessities of my family; that I had written to my mother and sister, in the elated rant this relief in a very feeeks; and that, buoyed up by these calculations, I had indulgeda suit of clothes and other necessaries, of which I was in extreme need, on credit

'Thou world of vice! thou iron-hearted senseless mass of madness and folly! why did I ever drea course, and fix thy bewildered wits, thy garish idiot eye onwants! What signs of luxury, what tokens of dissipation, what innuant waste did I every where see aroundme to the very bone! Here a vain mortal, as insolent as uninstructed, drawn by six ponies; with a postillion before and three idle fellows behind, paht thus openly insult common sense, and thus publicly proclaiious as the insensibility of his heart was hateful There trifling and imbecile creatures, who, not satisfied with the appellation woman, call themselves ladies, and expend thousands on their routs, masked-balls, whipped creams, and other froth and frippery, procured from the achs and pains and blood and bones of the poor! Wretches hed down by misery than even I was!

'What need I to recall such pictures to your iinations? Can you look abroad and not behold them? Are not the vices of unequal distribution to be met with in every corner, nook, and alley? Is not the despotism of wealth, that is, of that property which the folly of man so much reveres and worshi+ps, every where visible? Does it not varnish vice, generate crime, and trample virtue and the virtuous in the dust? Is the deep sense which I have entertained of the relentless injustice of society all false?

'I wants and debts that would ad to raise edy What can the wretch who is thus besieged, thus hunted do, but yield? I had pro on that proiven,effects seized;turned loose perhaps into the haunts of infa thrown into a loathsome prison

'My first attempt was a very wild one, and proved how little I yet knew of reat fame in the literary world; the reputed writer of a work, the praises of which had been often echoed, and whose wealth was iht the appeal I had to make must come with resistless force For a edy, that had already been deemed worthy at least of attention from the theatre, and of the e, for such a man she would be all kindness! all sensibility! all soul! What an incurable dolt was I! Thus repeatedly to degrade the character of bard, and thus too in vain I blush!+--No matter!

'I minutely detailed the circumstances of my case, to this fe to avoid every feature offor the probability of reimbursement to her own conceptions of the rectitude of the edy I sent, and which I requested her first to read She herself would judge of the danger there ht it would fail, I then should be anxious that she should run no risk: but, if not, the loan would be a most essential benefit to me, and perhaps a pleasure to herself

'Fool that I was, thus to estimate ladies' pleasures! Whether she did or did not read my play I never knew; but this learned lady, this patroness of letters, this be-prosed and be-rhyer, who professed to be the enraptured lover of poetry, wit and genius, returned it with a for by its affected pity ”She was _extreed to refuse iven her _infinite_ pleasure to have advanceda _fine_ house, which demanded all the money she could _possibly_ spare”

'Why ay! She must have a fine house, with fifty fine rooms in it, forty-nine of which were useless; while I, ht perish without a hovel in which to shelter our heads!

'Convinced at last of the futility of applications like these, I sought an opposite resource If men would not lend money to benefit me, they would perhaps to benefit themselves One of the actors, hom I became acquainted, informed me that there was a Jeho frequented all theatrical haunts, knew I had a play in the ht possibly be induced to lend me the sum I wanted

To this Jew I addressedtoo high a demand, requested a loan of seventy pounds

'His first question was concerning the security I had to give? I had none! The Jew shook his head, and told me it was impossible to lendover the profits of edy to the amount of the principal and interest would but satisfy hied his shoulders, and repeated it was very dangerous Jews themselves, kind as they were, could not lend money without security Beside, money was never so scarce as just at that moment Indeed he had no such sum himself; but he had an uncle, in Duke's Place, who, if I could but get good _personal_ security, would supplya pre too circuination could honestly suggest: he pretended to state the matter to his uncle The affair was kept in suspence, and I was obliged to travel to Duke's Place at least a dozen tiave my bond for a hundred pounds; for which I received fifty, and paid two guineas out of it, on the deociating the business; the uncle being the ostensible person hom it was transacted

'Determined to secure my mother from want as far as was in my power, I remitted the whole sum to her, except as necessary to pay my immediate debts; and blessed the Jew extortioner, as a man who, compared to the learned lady, abounded in the milk of huery, the time passed away to the middle of September; the season at which the winter theatres usually open I now felt tenfold anxiety concerning iven at six months would soon become due; failure would send race me, would distract rand progress which I soined I should make Every way it would be fatal! I trembled at its possibility Success, which had so lately appeared certain, see the suer I now inquired at the theatre, and was told he was at Bath, and would not be in town in less than a fortnight I waited with increasing fears, haunted the play-house, and teazed the attendants at it with my inquiries Of these I soon perceived not only the sneers but the duplicity; for, when the er was returned to town, and, as I was told by a performer, was actually in the theatre, they affirone! I plainly read the lie in their looks to each other At that tireat pain; but I soon becah never reconciled to their , that supercilious mixture of insolence and meanness, that is always detested by the honest and the open A set of--Pshaw! They are unworthy er was now returned, I i was appointed three days after, at the theatre He then informed me there were still some few alterations, which he was desirous should be iedy should be put into rehearsal, and performed in about three weeks

This was happy news to me I returned with an elated heart to make the proposed corrections, finished theer's hands He proceeded with a punctuality that delighted me: the parts were cast, and the performers called to the theatre to hear it read

'This was a new scene, a new trial of patience, a new degradation

Instead of that steady attention from my small audience which I expected, that deep interest which I supposed the storytheentlemen aiggling; which, when they caught hers, were turned into an affected gravity that added to the insult No heart panted! no face turned pale! no eye shed a tear!

and, if I were to judge fro soul-less piece had never been written But the er was not present, and I was not a person of consequence enough to command respect or ceremony, from any party I coedy, over the passions of the actors; but he treated that as a very equivocal sign indeed, and of no worth

'There was another circumstance, of which he informed me, that to him and as it afterward proved to me was of a ether so inattentive as I had iined Amid their monkey tricks and co with jealousy of each other Neither men nor women were satisfied with their parts I had three reat iradation Of the first of these all the actors were ambitious; and one of theer could not carry on the business of the theatre at that time without him, threw up his part

'In vain did I plead, write, and reenerosity or of justice, to the er, the piece, or the public, could prevail; and his aid, though most essential, could not be obtained Had the part been totally beneath his abilities, his plea would have been good; but it was avowedly, in the er's opinion and in the opinion of every other perforhtly played That it could have disgraced or injured him partiality itself could not affir spent a life in that deep investigation of the human heart which alone can enable hiious, and, if he succeed, his pathos, wit, and genius, rare, is he, after all his struggles, to be at the norant actor or actress? who, so far fro the sense, frequently do not reht to repeat!