Part 28 (1/2)
'Huery and obscurity to which it was consigned, I yet had the courage to continue those labours by which alone ht to maturity Alive as I was to a sense of injustice, I recollected that, even if my poere equal to all that I myself had fondly hoped from them, there were examples of men with at least equal powers, who had been equally ill treated
Equally did I say? Oh Otway! Oh Chatterton! What understandings, what hearts, had those er (not to do you justice, of that they were incapable, but) to preserve you from famine, could suffer you to perish? It was needless to repine! I consoled and reconciled myself to my fate as well as I was able I pursued my studies, read the poets of ancient andavidity, observed the actions and inquired into theattempts to develope the human heart
'Excluded as it were by the pride, luxury, and caprice of the world froaffections that glowed consciously within e share of thelect, to which without ed me in the bold project I had conceived
'I determined to dedicate e Essays of the drath, I undertook a tragedy; as a hich, if accoree of perfection that I hoped it would be, must at once establish my true rank in society, relieve the wants of my family, and be a passport forin the world How little did I know the world! Fond fool! Over credulous idiot! What cares the world for the toils and struggles, the restless days and sleepless nights of the enius! I am ashamed to think I could be so an ave to every character, the strong e it, the minute attention I paid to all its parts, and the intense labour I bestowed in planning, writing, correcting, and co it, were such as I believed must insure success
'Surely mankind can be but little aware of the uncommon anxieties, pains, and talents that must contribute to the production of such a work; or their reception of it, when completed, would be very different! They would not suffer, surely they would not, as they so frequently do, this or that senseless blockhead to frustrate the labour of years, blast the poet's hopes, and render the birth of genius abortive!
'My tragedy at length ritten; and by soment I consulted, was approved: never indeed with that enthusiasined itman of some merit; it was more than they had expected” Nay, I have met with some liberal critics, who have appeared modestly to doubt whether they themselves should have written better!
'Before I made the experiave him influence in society, would start up, the moment it was known that an obscure individual, the usher of a school, had written a tragedy; not only to protect and produce it to the world, but to applaud and honour the author! Would secure him from the possibility of want, load him with every token of respect, and affectionately clasp him to their bosom! The indifference and foolish half-faced kind of wonder, as destitute of feeling as of understanding, hich it was received, by the persons on whom I had depended for approbation and support, did usted, and jaundiced my mind!
'The only consolation I could procure was in supposing that the inhabitants of the city were I resided, were deficient in literary taste; and that at a e, literature, and poetry were more diffused, I should meet a very different reception Experience only can cure the unhackneyed mind of its erroneous estimates!
'London however and its far fa had aimed; and thither after various doubts and difficulties it was decreed I should go The profits of my place I had dedicated to the relief ofup to London so ill provided, I should perish there for want Of this I was persuaded there could be no danger, and at length prevailed
'The danger however was not quite so iinary as I in the fervour of hope had affiret another usher's place, in or near town, till I could bring e This I attempted, and made various applications, which all failed; soh I understood Greek, I could not teach merchant's accounts, or spoil paper by flourishes and foppery, which is called writing a fine hand; and others because, as I suppose, persons offered themselves whose airs, or humility, or other usher-like qualifications, that had no relation to learning, pleased their ereeary of these degrading attehts to a more attractive resource While in the country, I had frequently sent little fugitive pieces, to be inserted in periodical publications; and now, on inquiry, I found there were people ere paid for such productions I made the experiment; and after a variety of fruitless efforts succeeded in obtaining half a guinea a week fro paper; which I supplied with essays, little poetical pieces, and other articles, much faster than they chose to print therand object for which I had left the country was not neglected It is a coe, it is necessary to procure a patron, by whom it shall be recommended To this I was advised; and, in consequence of this advice, wrote letters to three different persons, whose rank in society I iined would insure a reception at the theatre to the piece which they should protect I supposed that every such person, who should hear of a poet who had written a tragedy, would rejoice in the opportunity of affording him aid, and instantly stand forth his patron
'In this spirit I wrote my three letters; and received no answer to any one of thereat people I had addressed; but ain no admission! When now and then suffered to wait in the hall, I saw dancing-s of every species that could o without ceremony; but to a poet all entrance was denied; for such chosen society he was unfit The very rabble, hich these pillared lounging places swarm, looked on him with a suspicious and half contemptuous eye; that insolently inquired what business had he there? Were the slaves and ustan court; when the lord of the conquered world sat banqueting with Virgil on his right hand and Horace on his left?
'Why did I read and remember stories so seductive? Why did I foolishly place all ar or the s that approbation neither adds to virtue nor diminishes? Perhaps, and indeed I fear, lect and even odiuenius is at present overwhelainst the rich and titled great
'It was long however before I entirely disdained these abject and fruitless efforts On one occasion I was fortunate enough, as I absurdly thought, to get introduced to a Marquis It was an awful honour, to which I was unused; and instead of addressing him with the frothy and impertinent levity which characterized his own ed in the creatures that were ad he should have read my play, which I had transcribed for his perusal, have understood the value of the poet who could write it, and have been anxious to relieve that acuteness of sensibility which overclouded and hid the enius in the timid, abashed, and too cowardly author He spoke to me indeed, nay condescended to repeat two or three of the newest literary anecdotes that had been retailed to hi-club, and then civilly disive audience to a Dutch bird-fancier, who had brought hi bulfinch But I saw him no more, he was never afterward at home I was one of a class of aniedy when applied for by letter was returned; with ”sorrow that indispensible engage it; but requested a copy as soon as it should appear in print” For which, should such a strange event have coift perhaps of one guinea, perhaps of five And thus a Marquis discharged a duty which his rank and power so well enabled him to perform! But, patience! The word poet shall be re honour, when the title Marquis shall--Pshaw!
'On another occasion an actress, who, strange to tell, happened very deservedly to be popular, and whonity of a London theatre I had known in the country, recommended me to a dutchess To this dutchess I went day after day; and day after day was subjected for hours to the prying, unmannered, insolence of her countless lacquies This tih it o o'clock in the afternoon; the next she was engaged with an Italian vender of artificial flowers; the day after the prince and the devil does not knoho beside ith her; and so on, till patience and spleen were at daggers drawn
'At last, fro-room, where I was half amazed to find myself Could it be real? Should I, after all, see a creature so elevated; so unlike the poor compendium of flesh and blood hich I crawled about the earth? Why, it was to be hoped that I should!
'Still she did not coer perhaps than I can noell guess The carpet was so rich that I was afraid race it! The chairs were so superb that I should insult the down! The sofas swelled in such luxurious state that for an author to breathe upon the experier upon the proud cushi+on, and the ain with elastic arrogance; an apt prototype of the dignity it was h alone, I blushed at my own littleness!
'Two or three tilided byme It ell they did not, or I should have sunk with the dread of being ained a furtive entrance, to load hinificence that to poverty appeared so te!
'This tiht of the dutchess, or rather a gli She had been so infinitely delayed by nora! Was exceedingly sorry! Would speak to me another time, to-morrow at three o'clock, but had not a moment to spare at present”, and so vanished!
'Shall I say she treated nificance? No The little that she did say was affable; the tone was conciliating, the eye encouraging, and the countenance expressed the habitual desire of conferring kindness But these were only aggravating circumstances, that shewed the desirableness of that intercourse which to me was unattainable I say to me, for those who had a less delicate sense of propriety, ere , and whose forehead was proof against repulse, were ed; on such she lavished her favours, till report said that she ined or real, if obtruded upon her, she knew not how to resist
'What consolation was this totribe I ca, which whoever refused to pay disgraced themselves rather than the drawer