Part 9 (1/2)
All this I soon learned from him, for he was communicative without any reserve His treatment of his niece was peculiar He would talk on all kinds of subjects before her, for he had a theory that she ought to receive precisely the sa as men, and should know just what men knew He was never coarse, but on the other hand he would say things to her in ht a flaht be, I could not at once foresee, but one good result obviously was, that in his house there was nothing of that execrable practice of talking down to woe of level oan to speak about a novel which everybody was reading then, and I happened to say that I wished people rote novels would not write as if love were the very centre and sum of human existence
A man's life was made up of so much besides love, and yet novelists were never weary of repeating the saain in a hundred different forree with you utterly
I dislike foolish, inane sentiment--it makes me sick; but I do believe, in the first place, that nowho has not been devoured, I was going to say, by a great devotion to a woreat men are as much the history of women whom they adored as of themselves Dante, Byron, Shelley, it is the same with all of thereat fact of life What would Shakespeare be without it? and Shakespeare is life
A man, worthy to be na hie, and if he be not ruined by worldliness or dissipation, will be troubled by it when he is fifty as much as when he enty-five It is the subject of all subjects
People abuse love, and think it the cause of half thethat keeps the world straight, and if it were not for that overpowering instinct, human nature would fall asunder; would be the prey of inconceivable selfishness and vices, and finally, there would be universal suicide I did not intend to be eloquent: I hate being eloquent But you did not mean what you said; you spoke from the head or teeth merely”
Theresa's little speech was delivered not with any heat of the blood
There was no exciterey eyes, nor did her cheek burn Her brain see This was an idea she had, and she kindled over it because it was an idea It was impossible, of course, that she should say what she did without soan in her breast, but how an had in her utterances I never could make out How much was due to the interest which she as a looker-on felt in men and women, and how much was due to herself as a woman, was always a mystery to me
She was fond of reat conte a professional player, she never would try a piece in my presence of which she was not perfectly master She particularly liked to play Mozart, and onher once to play a piece of Beethoven, she turned round upon me and said: ”You like Beethoven best I knew you would He encourages a luxurious revelling in the incoood for you”
My as so hard, and the hours were so long, that I had little or no ti either, except so far as Wollaston and Theresa made h he was not scientific, and y He was not very profound, but he had picked up a few phrases, or if this word is too harsh, a few ideas about metaphysical matters from authors who contemned metaphysics, and with these he was perfectly satisfied A stranger listening to him would at first consider him well read, but would soon be undeceived, and would find that these ideas were acquired long ago; that he had never gone behind or below them, and that they had never fructified in him, but were like hard stones, which he rattled in his pocket He was totally unlike Mardon Mardon, although he would have agreed with many of Wollaston's results, differed entirely froht about; and a mental comparison of the two often told ain, that e believe is not of so much importance as the path by which we travel to it
Theresa too, like her uncle, eschewed metaphysics, but she was a woman, and a woman's is, and at tiinal than he was, and was impatient of the narrowness of the circle in which heincomprehensible to him, and I do not remember that he ever sat for a quarter of an hour really listening to it He would read the newspaper or do anything while she was playing She never resented his inattention, except when he made a noise, and then, without any rebuke, she would break off and go away This mode of treatment was the outcoether in punishood, either to the person punished or to others ”A good deal of punishment,” she used to say, ”is mere useless pain”
Both Theresa and her uncle were kind and hu my hardest My few hours of leisure were sweet, and when I spent the I often asked myself why I found this mode of existence more tolerable than any other I had hitherto enjoyed I had, it is true, an hour or two's unspeakable peace in the early , but, as I have said, at nine my toil commenced, and, with a very brief interval for meals, lasted till seven After seven I was too tired to do anything by myself, and could only keep awake if I happened to be in company
One reason certainly why I was content, was Theresa herself She was a constant study totime obtain any consistent idea of her She was not a this or a that or the other
She could not be summarily dismissed into any ordinary classification
At first I was sure she was hard, but I found by the iven with utmost secrecy to support a couple of poor relatives Then I thought her self-conscious, but this, when I came to think upon it, seemed a mere word She was one of those women, and very rare they are, who deal in ideas, and reflectiveness must be self-conscious At times she appeared passionless, so completely did her intellect dominate, and so superior was she to all the little arts and weaknesses of women; but this was a criticism she contradicted continually
There was very little society at the Wollastons', but occasionally a few friends called One evening there was a little party, and the conversation flagged Theresa said that it was a greatspecial to do but talk Nothing is more tedious than to be in a company assembled for no particular reason, and every host, if he asks ht to provide so unless it is perfectly spontaneous, and it cannot be spontaneous if there are sudden and blank silences, and nobody can think of a fresh departure The ht to hire a Punch and Judy show, or get up a dance
This spice of bitterness and flavour of rudeness was altogether characteristic of Theresa, and so her that SHE was the hostess ”Of course,” she replied, ”that is why I said it: what shall I do?” One of her gifts was memory, and her friends cried out at once that she should recite so herself back in her chair, began The Lass of Lochroyan At first she was rather diffident, but she gathered strength as she went on There is a passage in the ory's cruel nise his former love, Annie of Lochroyan, as she stands outside his tower The mother calls to Annie from the inside -
”Gin thou be Annie of Lochroyan (As I trow thou binna she), Now tell me some of the love tokens That passed between thee and ory, As we sat at the wine, We changed the rings frae our fingers, And I can show thee thine?
”Oh, yours was gude, and gude enough, But aye the best was owd, BUT MINE O' THE DIAMOND FINE”
The last verse is as noble as anything in any ballad in the English language, and I thought that when Theresa was half way through it her voice shook a good deal There was a glass of flowers standing near her, and just as she calass was in a moment on the floor, shi+vered into twenty pieces I happened to be watching her, and felt perfectly sure that the movement of her arm was not accidental, and that her intention was to conceal, by the apparentinconvenient At any rate, if that was her object it was perfectly accomplished, for the recitation was abruptly tereneral commiseration over the shattered vase, and when the pieces were picked up and order was restored, it was nearly tietfulness and a want of thoroughness in investigation What misery have I not suffered from insufficient presentation of a case to myself, and from prompt conviction of insufficiency and inaccuracy by the person to whom I in turn presented it! What misery have I not suffered from the discovery that explicit directions to me had been overlooked or only half understood!
One day in particular, I had to take round a book to be ”subscribed”
which Wollaston had just published--that is to say, I had to take a copy to each of the leading booksellers to see how many they would purchase Some books are sold ”thirteen as twelve,” the thirteenth book being given to the purchaser of twelve, and some are sold ”twenty- five as twenty-four” This book was to be sold ”twenty-five as twenty- four,” according to Wollaston's orders I subscribed it thirteen as twelve Wollaston was annoyed, as I could see, for I had to go over all ain, but in accordance with his fixed principles, he was not out of teave h; and having looked through it, I was to answer the last letter in the sense which he indicated I read the correspondence and wrote the letter for his signature As soon as he saw it, he pointed out to me that I had only half reatly disturbed me, not only because I had vexed him and disappointed hiht that if I was incapable of getting to the bottom of such a very shallow cos on more difficult subjects, and I fell a prey to self-contempt and scepticism Contempt from those about us is hard to bear, but God help the poor wretch who contemns himself