Part 7 (1/2)

The old Presbyterian chapels throughout the country have ricultural village, a respectable red-brick buildingfrom the tihteenth century heretics still testify against three Gods in one and the deity of Jesus Christ Generally speaking, the attendance in these chapels is very re, but they are often endowed, and so they are kept open

There was one in the large, straggling half-village, half-town of D-, within about ten miles of me, and the pulpit was then vacant The income was about 100 pounds a year The principal eneral dealer, who kept a shop in the htly, because I had undertaken to give his boy a few lessons to prepare hi-school Theto an end, and as I did not suppose that any dishonesty would be i, I expressed ness to be considered as a candidate

In the course of a week or tas therefore invited to preach I was so reduced that I was obliged to walk the whole distance on the Sunday ht to the chapel, and loitered about in the graveyard till a woman came and opened a door at the back I explained who I was, and sat down in a Windsor chair against a small kitchen table in the vestry It was cold, but there was no fire, nor were any preparations made for one

On the lass, but as the water had evidently been there for so

I waited in silence for about twentyshaken hands, and reave hi building designed to hold about two hundred people There was a gallery opposite h, dark, bros, one or two ireen curtains I counted my hearers, and discovered that there were exactly seventeen, including two very old labourers, who sat on a forallery was quite ean, or seraphine, I think it was called, which was played by a young woave out the hy the air

A hisper ation, but nothingin the Bible a discourse which had been left by one of my predecessors It was a funeral-sermon, neatly written, and had evidently done duty on several occasions, although the allusions in it ood works of the departed were praised with einally used were altered above the lines all throughout to feminine pronouns, and the word ”brother” to ”sister,” so that no difficultyit for either sex I was faint, benu I talked for about half-an-hour about what I considered to be the realthat this was a subject which ht prove as attractive as any other

After the service the asseentleht bow, said: ”Mr Rutherford, will you coly followed hie till we reached his house, where his wife, who had gone on before, received us They had formerly kept the shop which the dealer now had, but had retired They ht both be about sixty-five, and were of about the same temperament, pale, thin, and ineffectual, as if they had been fed on gruel

We had dinner in a large roorate in it, in which was stuck a basket stove I remember perfectly e had for dinner There was a neck of , and so ale I ever saw--about the colour of lemon juice, but what it was really like I do not know, as I did not drink beer I was so asked whether I would take potatoes OR cabbage, but thinking it was the custoe in both at once, and ree”

Very little was spoken during dinner-time by anybody, and scarcely a word by s away, and did not again appear My host drew near the basket stove, and having re to rain, fell into a slumber At twenty minutes to te sallied out for the afternoon service, and found the seventeen again in their places, excepting the two labourers, ere probably prevented by the wet fro

The service was a repetition of that in the ain cas The fee was a guinea, but fros were abated for my entertainment He infor ive e, stout man, with a rosy countenance, which was soruel face of ot into a four- wheeled chaise His wife sat with hiish boy sat with uide-post which pointed down his lane, I got out, and was disood- naturedly and jovially, but not very helpfully--that he was ”afraid I should have a wettish walk” The walk certainly ettish, and as I had had nothing to eat or drink sinceBut just before I reached home the clouds rolled off with the south-ind into detached, fleecy ulfs, in which were sowed the stars, and the effect upon ht, thank God, always has been--a sense of the infinite, extinguishi+ng all mean cares

I expected to hear no reatly surprised when, a week after st theht unnecessary, as I was not altogether a stranger to some of them I hardly knehat to do, I could not feel any enthusiase else before me There is no more helpless person in this world than a minister who is thrown out of work At any rate, I should be doing no harood deal, and then reflected that in a case where every opening is barred save one, it is our duty not to plunge at an i, however unproly I accepted My income was to be a hundred a year, and it was proposed that I should lodge with my friend the retired dealer, who had the only two rooe which were available

I went to bid Mardon and Mary good-bye I had not seen either of the To my surprise I found them both away

The blinds were down and the door locked A neighbour, who heard , came out and told me the news Mardon had had a dispute with his eone to see a relative at some distance, and would remain there until her father had determined as to be done

I obtained the addresses of both of the him what my destiny for the present was to be To Mary I wrote also, and to her I offeredbackward, I have sometimes wondered that I felt so little hesitation; not that I have ever doubted since, that what I did then was the one perfectly right thing which I have done in my life, but because it was my habit so to confuse myself with meditative indecision I had doubted before I reirl that the desk was open and the paper under my hand But I held back, could not make up my mind, and happily was stayed Had I not been restrained, I should for ever have been miserable The ree that of all beings whoency, always produced intendency to inaction There was no such tendency now I thought I chose Mary, but there was no choice The feeblest steel filing which is drawn to a net, would think, if it had consciousness, that it went to the ged by the force of a loadstone

But she was not to beard for her, but saying that hersince been made up She was an only child of ain life, and she could never leave him nor suffer any affection to interfere with that which she felt for hiht well e that he should be so much bound up in her Few people knew hi, and I fell under the influence of that horribleFor weeks I was prostrate, with no power of resistance; the evil being intensified by my solitude Of all the dreadful trials which human nature has the capacity to bear unshattered, the worst--as, indeed, I have already said--is the fang of some monomaniacal idea which cannot be wrenched out A main part of theof this kind is peculiar to ourselves We are afraid to speak of it, and not knowing, therefore, how common it is, we are distracted with the fear that it is our own special disease

I h my duties, but how I cannot tell Fortunately our calamities are not what they appear to be when they lie in perspective behind us or before us, for they actually consist of distinct moments, each of which is overco -continued abstinence from wine, to lie much stiller, and ithgone to London, I was more alone than ever, but ood deal to do with my restoration to health It was a hopeless love, but to be in love hopelessly is more akin to sanity than careless, melancholy indifference to the world I was relieved frohts elsewhere The pain of loss was great, but the loo, haunted by apparitions I a to expand upon the history ofthat time How can I? All that I felt has been described better by others; and if it had not been, I have no mind to attempt a description myself, which would answer no purpose

I continued to correspond with Mardon, but with Mary I interchanged no word After her denial of e of selfishness if I had opened ain I could not place myself in her affection before her father

My work at the chapel was of the most lifeless kind My people really consisted of five families--those of the retired dealer, the farmer who took me home the first day I preached, and a e for the sale of all descriptions of goods, including ready- and provisions He had a wife and one child

Then there was a super-annuated brass-founder, who had a large house near, and who no professed himself a Unitarian in the town in which he was for He had coround, and play the squire at a cheap rate

Released fro and drinking, particularly the drinking of port wine His as dead, his sons were in business for thehters all went to church His connection with the chapel was lad it was so I was hardly ever brought into contact with him, except as trustee, and once I was asked to his house to dinner; but the attempt to make me feel my inferiority was so painful, and the rudeness of his children was so ain

There was also a school-school with a Unitarian connection He lived, however, at such a distance that his visits were very unfrequent So the boys would walk over--about twenty of theether, but this only happened perhaps half-a-dozen tiht lineage, I do not think that I ever had anything to do with a re in the extreme They were perfectly orthodox, except that they denied a few orthodox doctrines Their id Calvinist They plureatly on their intellectual superiority over the Wesleyans and Baptists round thehted in were demonstrations of the unity of God froainst tri-theisitate men they had none

Socially they were cold, and the entertainment at their houses was pale and penurious They never considered the to my support There was an endowment of a hundred a year, and they were relieved from all further anxiety They had no enthusiasm for their chapel, and came or stayed away on the Sunday just as it suited then any reason