Part 16 (1/2)

CHAPTER 50

Reawakening Princeton, 199597 Princeton, 199597

Matheame Yet it is not bearable to conte of activity followed by a lifetime of boredom followed by a lifetime of boredom

- NORBERT W WIENER

ON THE AFTERNOON of the nobel announcene party was in progress in Fine Hall Nash made a short speech of the nobel announcene party was in progress in Fine Hall Nash ive speeches, he said, but he had three things to say First, he hoped that getting the nobel would i because he really wanted a credit card Second, he said that one is supposed to say that one is really glad he is sharing the prize, but he wished he had won the whole thing because he really needed the a theory, a subject of great intrinsic intellectual interest that the world wishes to ih skepticisive speeches, he said, but he had three things to say First, he hoped that getting the nobel would i because he really wanted a credit card Second, he said that one is supposed to say that one is really glad he is sharing the prize, but he wished he had won the whole thing because he really needed the a theory, a subject of great intrinsic intellectual interest that the world wishes to ih skepticism in his voice to make it funny

All the Swedes' fears - not to mention Harold Kuhn's own private worries - about how Nash would cope with the poly The receptions The press briefings The nobel award ceremony itself The lecture in Uppsala afterward Indeed, in the weeks between the announces that had lain beyond his grasp for decades When he first arrived in Stockholen Weibull recalled, he behaved pretty much as Weibull had remembered from Princeton a few years before: ”He didn't look you in the eye He mumbled Socially he was very tentative, very uncertain But his ot less and less unhappy”2 Harold Kuhn, as to lead a nobel se Nash's work, and his wife Estelle acco The nicest rand scenes and ceremonies, came when Nash had hisBy tradition, the King spends It was exhilarating The nicest rand scenes and ceremonies, came when Nash had hisBy tradition, the King spends a couple of riht refuse to go into the King's chambers at the last minute, but finally he followed the aide inside a couple of riht refuse to go into the King's chambers at the last minute, but finally he followed the aide inside

Five minutes passed, then seven Finally, after a full tenrelaxed, even amused ”What did you talk about?” everybody asked at once Quite a bit, it turned out In 1958, John told Harold and Estelle, he and Alicia had taken a grand tour of Europe and had driven up into the south of Sweden in their new Mercedes 180 The King had been a student in Uppsala then, addicted to fast sports cars Around that ti on the left to driving on the right Nash and the King had spent tenfast on the lefthand side of the road

At dusk, Nash and Weibull were riding in a lih the countryside north of Stockhol up one at a tilien It's so beautiful”4 They were on their way back froiven a talk - his first in three decades5 Nash hadn't been asked to give the custo nobel lecture in Stockholed by Christer Kisel nobel lecture in Stockholed by Christer Kiselman6 Nash's chosen topic was a problem that had interested hiain since his re auniverse that is consistent with known physical observations The conventional view, of course, is that the universe is expanding, and atte to overturn the consensus is exactly the kind of contrarian intellectual bet that Nash has always enjoyed Nash's chosen topic was a problem that had interested hiain since his re auniverse that is consistent with known physical observations The conventional view, of course, is that the universe is expanding, and atte to overturn the consensus is exactly the kind of contrarian intellectual bet that Nash has always enjoyed

Nash's talk on ”the possibility that the universe isn't expanding” began with tensor calculus and general relativity - stuff so difficult that Einstein used to say he understood it only in h he later confessed to nervousness, he spoke without notes, clearly and convincingly, according to Weibull, who has a doctorate in physics7 Physicists and mathematicians in the audience said afterward that Nash's ideas were interesting, ree of skepticism Physicists and mathematicians in the audience said afterward that Nash's ideas were interesting, ree of skepticism

It is a quiet life, despite the fairytale of Stockholm and the lofty status of Laureate The Nashes still live in the Insulbrick house with the hydrangeas out front, next to the alley and across from the Princeton train station There is a new boiler, a new roof, a fe items of furniture, but that's about it (Nash was also able to pay down his half of thetheanaro, Felix and Eva Browder, and of course Armand and Gaby Borel, are prettyfor soht think, do and caring for Johnny Alicia takes the train to Newark every day Nash, who no longer drives, rides the ”dinky” into town, eats lunch at the Institute, and spends the afternoons in the library or, on rare occasions, in his new office Very often, when Johnny is not in the hospital or on the road, he takes Johnny with hier drives, rides the ”dinky” into town, eats lunch at the Institute, and spends the afternoons in the library or, on rare occasions, in his new office Very often, when Johnny is not in the hospital or on the road, he takes Johnny with him

It is a life resu Like Rip Van Winkle, Odysseus, and countless fictional space travelers, he wakes to find that the world he left behind hasThe children are ed The slender beauty, his wife, is now a mature woman in her sixties And there is his own seventieth birthday fast approaching

There are days when he feels that he has escaped the ravages of time, when he believes he can pick up where he left off, when he feels ”like a person ants to do the research he ht have done in his 30s and 40s at the delayed tiraphy, he writes: Statistically, it would seee of 66, would be able through continued research efforts to add to his or her previous achieve the effort, and it is conceivable that with the gap period of 25 years of partially deluded thinking providing a sort of vacation,able to achieve soh my current studies or with any new ideas that come in the future8

But many days he is not able to work As Nash once told Harold Kuhn, ”The Phantom was not in until very late, after 6:00 PM PM because even a Phantoo to a doctor”9 And there are other days when he discovers an error in his calculations or learns that a pro idea has already been mined by someone else, or when he hears of new experimental data that see And there are other days when he discovers an error in his calculations or learns that a pro idea has already been mined by someone else, or when he hears of new experimental data that see

On such days, he is full of regrets The nobel cannot restore what has been lost For Nash, the primary pleasure in life had always come from creative work rather than fronition for his past achieve issue of what he is capable of doing now As Nash put it in 1995, getting a nobel after a long period of mental illness was not impressive; ould be impressive is ”persons who AFTER a tih level of h level of social respectability)”10 Nash gave the starkest assessment of his own situation in front of an audience of psychiatrists to whom he had been introduced as ”a symbol of hope” In answer to a question at the end of his 1996 Madrid lecture, he said, ”To recover rationality after being irrational, to recover a nor!” But then he paused, stepped back, and said in a far stronger, reat thing Suppose you have an artist He's rational But suppose he cannot paint He can function normally Is it really a cure? Is it really a salvation?I feel I aood exaood work,” adding in a wistful, barely audible whisper, ”although I a Suppose you have an artist He's rational But suppose he cannot paint He can function normally Is it really a cure? Is it really a salvation?I feel I aood exaood work,” adding in a wistful, barely audible whisper, ”although I ahts were much in Nash's mind when he turned down an offer of thirty thousand dollars from the Princeton University Press in 1995 to publish his collected works ”Psychologically I have a proble time without any publications,” he said to Harold Kuhn He was saying, in short, that he doesn't want to close the door on future work by acknowledging that his lifetime oeuvre is complete

As Nash says, ”I did not want to publish a collected works simply because I wanted to think of myself as, and assued in research and not just resting on his laurels (as they say) And of course I knew that if a collected works was not published at this time, then it could be published later when, hopefully, I would have nice new things to add to it”12 In these feelings, however, he is not so different fro to face, or have already faced, the prospect that they are likely never to match their past achieve is a fact of life, and an especially stringent one for a as, however, he is not so different fro to face, or have already faced, the prospect that they are likely never to match their past achieve is a fact of life, and an especially stringent one for a ae to return to research after a hiatus of nearly thirty years But this is exactly what Nash did As he told the Madrid audience, ”I a routine proble about awith Einstein Since the lecture in Uppsala, he has suffered various setbacks In August 1995, he said, ”I got results that indicated I had o and that I must refor lost in a singular integration and when I considered distributed matter instead of a point particle, I found the lost stuff which had been erroneously ignored” - adding, with characteristic objectivity, that ”this is good since I have avoided publishi+ng a version based on errors”

He went on to describe the specific error: There was a discrepancy in the fieldwhich spoiled things Recalculation revealedthere had been errors in the calculation Now I ravitating matter, at least to the first order level of approxi (distinctive result)13

This evaluation of the difficulties encountered in his research gives a good idea that the proble on are ah-risk bets (whether on ideas or stocks!), and that his thinking is still sharp And even if his chances of achieving a new breakthrough are statistically s about probleain his

The truth, however, is that the research has not been thein his present life The i to faent undertaking The old fear that he depended on others and that they depended on him has faded The wish to reconcile, to care for those who need hied for nearly twenty-five years, now talk on the telephone once a week Johnny, of course, is the , the constant

It was Nash who had told the wo at hoan to wear a paper crown One afternoon, he wanted soht that he should be able to get n Bank But the ATM in front of the bank would not spit out any cash In fact, it would not return his bank card Agitated and unhappy, Johnny called his n, and deet his card out of thewith her The couple tried, vainly, to extract Johnny's card They also tried, unsuccessfully, to soothe Johnny At that point, their son beca stick, and started to poke first his mother, then his father Some bystanders across the street stopped when they saw the youngthe two elderly people Nash shouted for one of them to call the police A squad car pulled up The police took Johnny, whom they kneell, back to Trenton State Johnny had been living at hoan to wear a paper crown One afternoon, he wanted soht that he should be able to get n Bank But the ATM in front of the bank would not spit out any cash In fact, it would not return his bank card Agitated and unhappy, Johnny called his n, and deet his card out of thewith her The couple tried, vainly, to extract Johnny's card They also tried, unsuccessfully, to soothe Johnny At that point, their son beca stick, and started to poke first his mother, then his father Some bystanders across the street stopped when they saw the youngthe two elderly people Nash shouted for one of them to call the police A squad car pulled up The police took Johnny, whom they kneell, back to Trenton State

Johnny was in the hospital when his parents got the news fro them of Nash's nobel Nash and Alicia called hi, that it was a joke, and hung up on them Later he saw his father's face on CNN15 The subject of Johnny's future is extremely painful Nash had spokenand instead sank deep into her seat and closed her eyes She finally interjected, ”He just wants to get on with his life”16 The hopeful path that Johnny seeo petered out Whether because of the stress of teaching, the social isolation, or because the remission had simply run its course, the year at Marshall University was a disaster He had come home and has not worked since ”Of course I've been a bad example,” Nash admits because the remission had simply run its course, the year at Marshall University was a disaster He had come home and has not worked since ”Of course I've been a bad exaet a job, Nash said, but he seeeletters introducing hi for a position Now Nash was telling the Kuhns that Johnny would not take his oes to the hospital, he gets better, but when he gets hoet sick again, hearing voices and having delusions He would be hospitalized again and get better Then it would start all over again Watching over Johnny is now Nash's main task in life Except when Johnny is ”on the road” wandering around the country on Greyhound buses, Nash is his caretaker Nash takes it for granted that his son is his responsibility As Nash said on one occasion, ”My ti is, presuht now”18 They get up in the one to work They eat breakfast together Nash takes him to the library, to the institute, to Fine Hall On Monday evenings they all attend faet his son interested in the computer and plays computer chess with hiood sort of occupational therapy (as perhaps I was benefited in an OT [occupational therapy] fashi+on by [Hale] Trotter's help in lettingtogether after Alicia has gone to work They eat breakfast together Nash takes him to the library, to the institute, to Fine Hall On Monday evenings they all attend faet his son interested in the computer and plays computer chess with hiood sort of occupational therapy (as perhaps I was benefited in an OT [occupational therapy] fashi+on by [Hale] Trotter's help in letting ht years old He is tall and handsome like his father, and he and his father share an interest in ed on for more than half his life, a quarter of a century He has been treated with the newest generation of drugs, including Clozaril, Risperadol, and, s, which have enabled hiiven hier coreatest joy He no longer reads, saying that he has not been able to for a long tiry and occasionally violent20 Life with Johnny is a tre ”perturbed,” ”tyrannized,” and he is often preoccupied with the ”drift and danger of degradation”21 It is a constant disruption even when, as is often the case, Johnny is roa around the country on Greyhound buses For instance, Alicia and John go to the Olive Garden to celebrate Nash's birthday, and Johnny calls to say that he has lost his ATM card and has nohim funds ”We're at our wits' end,” Alicia said recently ”You work so hardand then he's out of it The nobel hasn't helped Johnny at all” It is a constant disruption even when, as is often the case, Johnny is roa around the country on Greyhound buses For instance, Alicia and John go to the Olive Garden to celebrate Nash's birthday, and Johnny calls to say that he has lost his ATM card and has nohim funds ”We're at our wits' end,” Alicia said recently ”You work so hardand then he's out of it The nobel hasn't helped Johnny at all”22 Johnny draws Nash and Alicia together and tears them apart There are deep conflicts They blame each other for Johnny's s in the house, attacks them, acts inappropriately in public Nash feels that Alicia expects him to be the bad cop, a role he's not happy with, while she is the soft one But they rely on each other They agree every day on what one or the other should do They also agree when it is timental and apt to hold Johnny responsible for his illness He's so Harold Kuhn and others at tiht to be jailed or that he has chosen to be as he is: ”I don't think of my sonas entirely a sufferer In part, he is siree when it is timental and apt to hold Johnny responsible for his illness He's so Harold Kuhn and others at tiht to be jailed or that he has chosen to be as he is: ”I don't think of my sonas entirely a sufferer In part, he is si to escape from 'the world' ” escape from 'the world' ”23 Despite such moments of insensitivity, the truth is that Nash expresses hope and pleasure when there is the prospect of a new ets an idea - like teaching Johnny how to play chess on the computer - that he thinks will help him When his friend Avinash Dixit invites hi Johnny along24 At Dixifs, Johnny takes out a chess set, and father and son sit down to play Nash is ”less than mediocre” At one point, he says he wants to take back a bad move Johnny lets him Then Nash wants to take back another

”Dad, if you keep doing that, you'll win,” says Johnny

”But when I play against the computer, I'm allowed to take back moves,” Nash says

”But, Dad,” protests Johnny, ”I'!”

When it is tio to the pharmacy for Johnny's ”meds,” Nash accompanies Alicia25 When it is tiram where Johnny is sometimes enrolled, Nash is there and on time When it is tiram where Johnny is sometimes enrolled, Nash is there and on time26 Alicia sees this and feels supported by him She feels that she couldn't do without him Alicia sees this and feels supported by hie is easily the most mysterious of human relationshi+ps Attachly deep and lasting Such is the bond between Nash and Alicia In retrospect, one feels that this is not an accidental pairing, that these two people needed each other Strong-irlish infatuation has survived the disillusionments, hardshi+ps, and disappoint She frets, when he travels, that he'll be kidnaped by terrorists or killed in a plane crash or merely worn out When his ankle swells from a sprain, she leaves a dinner party and sits with hi, she looks at an old photograph of hi trunks at a poolside in California and says with a giggle, ”Aren't his legs beautiful?”27 He, meanwhile, sets his clock by her Stubborn, reserved, self-centered, and jealous of his ti Alicia first, defers to her wishes, and tries to help her, whether it is by washi+ng the dishes, straightening out a proble with her to faht She is the one to whom he faithfully reports the day's events, whom he ran into, what the lecture was about, what he ate for lunch They argue about e her life easier andto beHe said, self-criticallv, ”I know I have ry when she is saying so that I can anticipate before she's finished and then I start saying so is not of an i that I can anticipate before she's finished and then I start saying so is not of an ienius does not make hi their as and oil heat, he complains humorously that Alicia does not take hi the nobel” He accepts, with soenius does not make hi their as and oil heat, he complains humorously that Alicia does not take hi the nobel”29 He does, of course, often wound her But he catches hie: at Gaby and Armand Borel's dinner party,30 Alicia announces to the assembled company that their son has received a tentative offer to teach es in an act of cruelty ”Yes,” he says, ”ot a job offer!” He is laughing at the absurdity of this juxtaposition This is too much for Alicia ”You have to be fair to Johnny,” she returns Nash says nothing But later in the evening he goes to so, maps of Mexico, that he found in books on the Borels' shelves, to Alicia He takes the opportunity - during a conversation about Andrew Wiles's successful proof of Fermat's Last Theorem - to point out that Johnny had done soraduate school Johnny had published ”one correct result, one incorrect, but the correct one was a breakthrough of sorts,” he tells the other guests Alicia responds by paying attention, by taking in what he means Alicia announces to the assembled company that their son has received a tentative offer to teach es in an act of cruelty ”Yes,” he says, ”ot a job offer!” He is laughing at the absurdity of this juxtaposition This is too much for Alicia ”You have to be fair to Johnny,” she returns Nash says nothing But later in the evening he goes to so, maps of Mexico, that he found in books on the Borels' shelves, to Alicia He takes the opportunity - during a conversation about Andrew Wiles's successful proof of Fermat's Last Theorem - to point out that Johnny had done soraduate school Johnny had published ”one correct result, one incorrect, but the correct one was a breakthrough of sorts,” he tells the other guests Alicia responds by paying attention, by taking in what he e has taken place since the nobel There is now a sense of reciprocity It is as if regaining the respect of his peers has made Nash feel that he has more to offer the people in his life, and has made those close to hiive This has beco At one time, before the nobel, Alicia referred to Nash as her ”boarder” and they lived essentially like two distantly related individuals under the sa, although in as perhaps an assertion of Nash's old insistence on ”rationality,” they gave the idea up as iht of the attendant tax and Social Security penalties However, a certificate is not of real iain

John Stier took the first step in ending his twenty-year estrange him a copy of the June 1993 Boston Globe Boston Globe colu a nobel colu a nobel31 He sent the clipping anonyuessed its source He was unsure whether to interpret John Stier's gesture as a taunt or a friendly overture He told Harold Kuhn that so in the way the letter was addressed to hi February, two months after his triumph in Stockholm, Nash boarded a shuttle bound for Boston to spend a weekend getting reacquainted with his older son He sent the clipping anonyuessed its source He was unsure whether to interpret John Stier's gesture as a taunt or a friendly overture He told Harold Kuhn that so in the way the letter was addressed to hi February, two months after his triumph in Stockholm, Nash boarded a shuttle bound for Boston to spend a weekend getting reacquainted with his older son

Such an encounter, inspired by hopes of putting their sad history behind them, was bound to be bittersweet, an occasion that revived as s as it unlocked happier feelings32When the two er the nineteen-year-old Ae history major Nash remembered from their last encounter, but a man of forty-four - nearly as old as Nash had been in 1972, when they had last seen each other Physically, he reseree The ilish complexion, and finely modeled nose were all Nash's But in his life's choices - and in his ability to derive great satisfaction fro others - he was his le and pursuing a career as a registered nurse At the tiraduate school to obtain an advanced degree in nursing

In the two days they spent in each other's coether at one stretch - they touched on personal topics only occasionally Indeed, they were mostly with other people; it was important for Nash to have others confirraphs with Eleanor, had a meal with Arthur Mattuck, the closest friend of Nash's ”first faence laboratory at MIT At one point, Nash telephoned Martha from John Stier's apartment and put his son on the phone33 When father and son did venture into personal territory, Nash was, as usual, full of the best intentions He wished to show his son how vitally important he was to hiood fortune, he wanted to give him the benefit of paternal advice He was motivated by love and by a sense of responsibility He told John that he would divide his estate equally between him and his brother and he invited him to accoood But, as in so many other relationshi+ps in his life, Nash's intentions weren't always matched by the emotional means to carry them out satisfactorily Even as he tried to draw his son closer, he said and did things that could only be called insensitive and alienating34 He did not try to hide his own feelings of disappoint him fat (which he is not) He criticized his son's choice of profession, suggesting that nursing was beneath a son of his and urging hi a ly that he hoped John would help care for his younger brother, but then angered hiood to be around a ”less intelligent older brother” He did not try to hide his own feelings of disappoint him fat (which he is not) He criticized his son's choice of profession, suggesting that nursing was beneath a son of his and urging hi a ly that he hoped John would help care for his younger brother, but then angered hiood to be around a ”less intelligent older brother”35 Finally, he said he wanted John to change his nananimous, but which actually proved hurtful since it implied that he meant for John to renounce all that he was and had been Eleanor, of course, felt injured Finally, he said he wanted John to change his nananimous, but which actually proved hurtful since it implied that he meant for John to renounce all that he was and had been Eleanor, of course, felt injured

A few months later, Nash did take John Stier to Berlin with hiain'36 Nash re hi hi him not to eat butter or bread Yet even so, John Stier felt great pride when Nash gave his lectures Nash re hi hi him not to eat butter or bread Yet even so, John Stier felt great pride when Nash gave his lectures37 And Nash was able to write to Harold Kuhn, ”Berlin was a great experiencemy son enjoyed the trip” And Nash was able to write to Harold Kuhn, ”Berlin was a great experiencemy son enjoyed the trip”38

A nobel award has a finality about it Yet despite the unique honor, life continues beyond the fairytale celebration in Stockholm More so than for other Laureates, Nash's immediate future is uncertain nobody knohether his remission is per syame of Hex, outcomes in real life aren't predetermined by the first or even the fiftieth enius, thishuht-from-the-heart talk with friends about sadness, pleasure, and attache of eive others their due, and to recognize their right to ask this of hiant youth And the disjunction of thought and emotion that characterized Nash's personality, not just when he was ill, but even before are much less evident today In deed, if not always in word, Nash has coht and e are central, and relationshi+ps are more symmetrical He may be less than he was intellectually, he reat deal more than he ever was - ”a very fine person,” as Alicia put it once

As we leave hiate on his way to Fine Hallor sitting next to Alicia on the living-roo televisionor losing a ga 105Lloyd Shapley after his wife's deathor giving Harold Kuhn a look like a naughty boy's when Harold asks whether the lecture notes for Pisa are readyor sitting at the institutewhile Enrico Boton, be to an astronoli televisionor losing a ga 105Lloyd Shapley after his wife's deathor giving Harold Kuhn a look like a naughty boy's when Harold asks whether the lecture notes for Pisa are readyor sitting at the institutewhile Enrico Boton, be to an astronoliue

THE FESTIVE SCENE at the turn-of-the-century fraht have been that of a golden wedding anniversary: the handso for pictures with family and friends, the basket of pale yellow roses, the 1950s photo of the bride and groom on display for the occasion at the turn-of-the-century fraht have been that of a golden wedding anniversary: the handso for pictures with family and friends, the basket of pale yellow roses, the 1950s photo of the bride and groom on display for the occasion

In fact, John and Alicia Nash were about to say ”I do” for the second tie For the to John - in piecing together lives cruelly shattered by schizophrenia ”The divorce shouldn't have happened,” he told me ”We saw this as a kind of retraction of that” Alicia said siood idea After all, we've been together most of our lives”

After Mayor Carole Carson pronounced theain for the camera ”A second take?” he quipped ”Just like a movie”

A few moments before the cere metamorphosis” he had witnessed in John's life since the nobel It's not just theinvitations from around the world that have followed, or the e of exciting intellectual contributions la his remarkable story told by Hollywood

At seventy-three, John looks and sounds wonderfully well He feels increasingly certain that he won't suffer a relapse ”It's like a continous process rather than just waking up from a dream,” he told a New York Times New York Times reporter recently ”When I dreao back to the system of delusions that's typical of hoas and then I wake and then I' self-confidenceabout his past, and now speaks to groups that see his experience as ”soainst people with mental illness” reporter recently ”When I dreao back to the system of delusions that's typical of hoas and then I wake and then I' self-confidenceabout his past, and now speaks to groups that see his experience as ”soainst people withfrom MIT in 1959, he now enjoys a modicum of personal security for his that the rest of us take for granted - having a driver's license again, or getting a credit card - o into a coffee place and spend a few dollars,” Nash toldon a story about how economics Laureates spend their prize checks ”Lots of other academics do that,” he said ”If I was really poor, I couldn't do that I was like that”

Once threatened by hos as few of us can Back at the house after the cere at a 1950 Parker Brothers version of Hex, the garaduate student He once owned a copy, he said ”I lost so many of my possessions due to my mental illness”

He has been able to return to ,” he told the Ti up where he left off, but is glad to be able to do serious work and make a contribution John is once more a fixture at the math table at the Institute for Advanced Study and at tea in the Fine Hall corant froave a seminar at the Institute about his new research on the theory of bargaining ”It actually wouldn't have been possible in those earlier days because I' computational facilities that didn't exist in the '50s and '60s,” he said ”I'er drealad to be able to do serious work and make a contribution John is once more a fixture at the math table at the Institute for Advanced Study and at tea in the Fine Hall corant froave a seminar at the Institute about his new research on the theory of bargaining ”It actually wouldn't have been possible in those earlier days because I' computational facilities that didn't exist in the '50s and '60s,” he said ”I'm ready to do a publication now”