Part 32 (1/2)
The following letter is a specimen of the epistles I sometimes wrote to her, and it is to be remarked that she never once in any of her answers to theree piqued
MONTMORENCY, 5th November, 1760
”You tell me, madam, you have not well explained yourself, in order to make me understand I have explained myself ill You speak of your pretended stupidity for the purpose oftaken at your word, and you ies to tell me I owe theood kind of man; and, if it be possible, worse than all this; it is I who make a bad choice of my expressions in the opinion of a fine French lady, who pays as much attention to words, and speak as well as you do But consider that I take the or troubling my head about the polite acceptations in which they are taken in the virtuous societies of Paris If my expressions are sometimes equivocal, I endeavored by ,” etc
The rest of the letter is , bold, even to effrontery, and as upon the watch after all my friends, soon introduced himself in my name to the house of Madam de Verdelin, and, unknown to me, shortly became there more familiar than myself This Coindet was an extraordinary man He presented hiained a footing in them, and eat there without ceremony Transported with zeal to dosuffused with tears; but, when he came to see me, he kept the most profound silence on the subject of all these connections, and especially on that in which he knew Ime what he had heard, said, or seen, relative toto hi of what passed in Paris, except that which I told hih everybody spoke to me of him, he never once spoke to me of any person; he was secret and mysterious with his friend only; but I will for the present leave Coindet and Madam de Verdelin, and return to them at a proper time
Sometime after my return to Mont Louis, La Tour, the painter, caht with him my portrait in crayons, which a few years before he had exhibited at the salon He wished to give me this portrait, which I did not choose to accept But Madaiven me hers, and would have had this, prevailed upon me to ask him for it He had taken some time to retouch the features In the interval happened my rupture with Mada her er in question, I put it intosaw it there, and found it a good one; I offered it him, he accepted it, and I sent it to the castle He and his lady colad to have theirs They had them taken in miniature by a very skilful hand, set in a box of rock crystal, old, and in a very handsohted,would never consent that her portrait should be on the upper part of the box She had reproachedbetter than I did her; I had not denied it because it was true By thisher portrait she showed very politely, but very clearly, she had not forgotten the preference
Much about this tiuilty of a folly which did not contribute to preserve e of M de Silhoutte, and was not reat opinion of his adan to let his hand fall rather heavily upon financiers, I perceived he did not begin his operation in a favorable moment, but he had my warmest wishes for his success; and as soon as I heard he was displaced I wrote to hi letter, which I certainly do not undertake to justify
MONTMORENCY, 2d Decee of a solitary man, who is not known to you, but who esteems you for your talents, respects you for your administration, and who did you the honor to believe you would not long remain in it Unable to save the State, except at the expense of the capital by which it has been ruined, you have braved the claainers of money When I saw you crush these wretches, I envied you your place; and at seeing you quit it without departing from your system, I admire you Be satisfied with yourself, sir; the step you have taken will leave you an honor you will long enjoy without a colory of an honest , who knew I had written this letter, spoke to me of it when she came into the country at Easter I showed it to her and she was desirous of a copy; this I gave her, but when I did it I did not know she was interested in under-far of M de Silhoutte
By ined I wilfully endeavored to bring on myself the hatred of an amiable woman who had power, and to whom, in truth, I daily beca to occasion her displeasure, although byproper for that purpose I think it superfluous to remark here, that it is to her the history of the opiate of M Tronchin, of which I have spoken in the first part of my memoirs, relates; the other lady was Madam de Mirepoix They have never mentioned to me the circumstance, nor has either of them, in the least, seemed to have preserved a re can possibly have forgotten it appears to me very difficult, and would still remain so, even were the subsequent events entirely unknown For my part, I fell into a deceitful security relative to the effects oftaken any step with an intention to offend; as if a woht be certain the will had not the least part in the , and that I did not immediately find either her ware in her manner, the continuation and even increase of a too well founded foreboding ust should succeed to infatuation Was it possible for ainst my want of address to support it? I was unable to conceal fro, which reeable This will be judged of by the following letter, which contains a very singular prediction
N B This letter, without date in h copy, ritten in October, 1760, at latest
”How cruel is your goodness? Why disturb the peace of a solitary ht no longer suffer the fatigues of the for solid attachments I have not been able to form any in the ranks to which I was equal; is it in yours that I ought to seek for them? Neither ambition nor interest can temptexcept caresses Why do you both attack me by a weakness which I must overcome, because in the distance by which we are separated, the over-flowings of susceptible hearts cannot bring ratitude be sufficient for a heart which knows not twoits affections, and feels itself incapable of everything except friendshi+p? Of friendshi+p, ood in you and the marechal to make use of this expression; but I am mad when I take you at your word You amuse yourselves, and I becorets How I do hate all your titles, and pity you on account of your being obliged to bear the the charms of private life! Why do not you reside at Clarens?
I would go there in search of happiness; but the castle of Mont! Is it in these places Jean Jacques ought to be seen? Is it there a friend to equality ought to carry the affections of a sensible heart, and who thus paying the esteem in which he is held, thinks he returns as ood and susceptible also: this I know and have seen; I am sorry I was not sooner convinced of it; but in the rank you hold, in theimpression; a succession of new objects efface each other so that not one of the reat deal to make me unhappy, to be inexcusable”
I joined with her the marechal, to render the compliment less severe; for I was moreover so sure of him, that I never had a doubt inthat intimidated me in madam la marechale, ever for a moment extended to him I never have had the least mistrust relative to his character, which I knew to be feeble, but constant I no more feared a coldness on his part than I expected from him an heroic attachment The simplicity and familiarity of our manners with each other proved how far dependence was reciprocal We were both always right: I shall ever honor and hold dear thethat was done to detach hi died my friend as if I had been present in his last moments
At the second journey to Mont finished, I had recourse to that of Eraces of Mada; but this, whether the subject was less to her taste; or that so ued her, did not succeed so well However, as she reproachedmyself to be the dupe of booksellers, she wished ht reap fro it, on the express condition of its not being printed in France, on which we had along dispute; I affir that it was impossible to obtain, and even i to perdom; she, that the censor could not overnment had adopted She found means to make M de Malesherbes enter into her views He wrote toletter with his own hand, to prove the profession of faith of the Savoyard vicar to be a coain the approbation of its readers and that of the court, as things were then circuistrate, always so prudent, beco of a book was by that alone legal, I had no longer any objection to make to that of the work Yet, by an extraordinary scruple, I still required it should be printed in Holland, and by the bookseller Neaul hi the edition should be brought out for the profit of a French bookseller, and that as soon as it was ready it should be sold at Paris, or wherever else it ht proper, as with this I had no reed upon between Madaave herwas this tihter Mademoiselle de Boufflers, now duchess of Lauzun Her nairl She really had acould bemore chaste and tender than the sentiments she inspired She was, besides, still a child under eleven years of age Madaht her too timid, used every endeavor to aniive her a kiss, which I did with s to her, as any other person would have done, I remained silent and disconcerted, and I know not which of the two, the little girl or myself, was most ashamed
I met her one day alone in the staircase of the little castle She had been to see Theresa, ho what else to say, I proposed to her a kiss, which, in the innocence of her heart, she did not refuse; having in the rand E, I cae in which I justly censure that which I had done the preceding evening She thought the reflection extres upon the subject which ed at ivenmore than a fool and embarrassed!
A stupidity, which in a man known to be endoith some wit, is considered as a false excuse I can safely swear that in this kiss, as well as in the others, the heart and thoughts of Mademoiselle Amelia were not more pure thanher I should have done it; not that I had not great pleasure in seeing her, but fro a word proper to say Whence comes it that even a child can intis has never inspired with fear? What is to be done? Hoithout presence of mind, am I to act? If I strive to speak to the persons Ito them; if I remain silent, I am a misanthrope, an unsociable animal, a bear Total imbecility would have been more favorable to me; but the talents which I have failed to improve in the world have become the instruments of my destruction, and of that of the talents I possessed
At the latter end of this journey, Madaood action in which I had so very ihter of M de Luxe, Palissot, whoed her by the comedy of 'The Philosophers', in which I was ridiculed, and Diderot very roughly handled The author treated entleness, less, I aation he was under tothe father of his protectress, by whom he kneas beloved The bookseller duchesne, hom I was not at that time acquainted, sent me the comedy when it was printed, and this I suspect was by the order of Palissot, who, perhaps, thought I should have a pleasure in seeing a er connected defareatly deceived When I broke with Diderot, whoht less ill-natured than weak and indiscreet, I still always preserved for his person an attachment, an esteem even, and a respect for our ancient friendshi+p, which I knoas for a long time as sincere on his part as on mine The case was quite different with Grimm; a man false by nature, who never loved me, who is not even capable of friendshi+p, and a person ithout the least subject of coloomy jealousy, became, under the mask of friendshi+p, my most cruel calumniator This man is to me a cipher; the other will always be ht of this odious piece: the reading of it was insupportable to h the whole, I returned the copy to duchesne with the following letter:
MONTMORENCY, 21st, May, 1760
”In castingmyself well spoken of in it I do not accept the horrid present I a it me, you did not intend an insult; but you do not know, or have forgotten, that I have the honor to be the friend of a respectable man, who is shamefully defamed and calumniated in this libel”
duchense showed the letter Diderot, upon whoht to have had an effect quite contrary, was vexed at it His pride could not forgive enerous action, and I was inforainst me with a bitterness hich I was not in the least affected, as I knew she was known to everybody to be a noisy babbler
Diderot in his turn found an avenger in the Abbe Morrellet, rote against Palissot a little work, imitated from the 'Petit Prophete', and entitled the Vision In this production he very iot hih she, not naturally vindictive, and at that ti to do with the affair
D'Alembert, as very inti I would beg of Mada her in return encomiums in the 'Encyclopedie'; my answer to this letter was as follows:
”I did not wait the receipt of your letter before I expressed to Mada the pain the confineave me She knows my concern, and shall bethat the abbe is a man of merit will be sufficient to h she and the reatest consolation, and that the name of your friend be to them a recommendation in favor of the Abbe Morrellet, I know not how far, on this occasion, it may be proper for them to employ the credit attached to the rank they hold, and the consideration due to their persons I aeance in question relates to the Princess Robeck so ine; and were this even the case, we s to philosophers exclusively, and that when they choose to become women, women will become philosophers
”I will coshown her your letter In the h to assure you that, should she have the pleasure of contributing to the enlargement of the Abbe Morrellet, she will not accept the tribute of acknowledght think herself honored by it, because she does not do good in the expectation of praise, but from the dictates of her heart”