Part 31 (1/2)

The proposition did not come in a favorable moment I had so literature, and especially the trade of an author I had been disgusted withthat had lately befallen me, and had learned from experience that it was i some connections with them I was not eneral with the mixed life I had lately led, half to myself and half devoted to societies for which I was unfit I felt more than ever, and by constant experience, that every unequal association is disadvantageous to the weaker person Living with opulent people, and in a situation different fro a house as they did, I was obliged to is; and little expenses, which were nothing to their fortunes, were for me not less ruinous than indispensable Another man in the country-house of a friend, is served by his own servant, as well at table as in his cha nothing directly to do with the servants of the house, not even seeing theives them what he pleases, and when he thinks proper; but I, alone, and without a servant, was at the mercy of the servants of the house, of whoht not havetreated as the equal of their ly, and better than another would have done, because, in fact, I stood in greater need of their services This, where there are but few domestics, may be coreat number, and the knaves so well understood their interests that they kne to make me want the services of them all successively The women of Paris, who have so much wit, have no just idea of this inconvenience, and in their zeal to economize my purse they ruined me If I supped in town, at any considerable distance fro me to send for a hackney coach, the mistress of the house ordered her horses to be put to and sent lad to save ) for the fiacre, but never thought of the half-crown I gave to her coachman and foote or to Monte of the letter would have coston foot, and to whoave a dinner and half a crohich he certainly had well earned If she proposed to ht at her country-house, she still said to herself, ”It will be a saving to the poor ” She never recollected that I was the whole time idle, that the expenses ofon, that I paidin her house than in esses to the house in which I customarily lived, that these were still ruinous to me I am certain I have paid upwards of twenty-five crowns in the house of Madam d'Houdetot, at Raubonne, where I never slept more than four or five times, and upwards of a thousand livres (forty pounds) as well at Epinay as at the Chevrette, during the five or six years I was most assiduous there These expenses are inevitable to afor hirumbles and serves him with a sour look With Madam Dupin, even where I was one of the family, and in whose house I rendered many services to the servants, I never received theirs but for my money In course of time it was necessary to renounce these little liberalities, which er permitted me to bestow, and I felt stillwith people in a situation different from my own

Had this manner of life been to my taste, I should have been consoled for a heavy expense, which I dedicated to ued ht of this, that, profiting by the interval of liberty I then had, I was deterreat companies, the composition of books, and all literary concerns, and for the remainder of my days to confine myself to the narrow and peaceful sphere in which I felt I was born to move

The produce of this letter to D'Alembert, and of the New Elosia, had a little improved the state of my finances, which had been considerably exhausted at the Here Ereat application, was in forwardness, and the produce of this could not be less than the sum of which I was already in possession I intended to place this money in such a manner as to produce ht be sufficient toany more I had two other works upon the stocks The first of these was my 'Institutions Politiques'

I examined the state of this work, and found it required several years'

labor I had not courage enough to continue it, and to wait until it was finished before I carriedthe book aside, I determined to take fro this with zeal without interrupting Emilius, I finished the 'Contrat Social'

The dictionary of ht be taken up at any time; the object of it was entirely pecuniary I reserved toit atas my other resources collected should render this necessary or superfluous With respect to the 'Morale Sensitive', of which I had ave it up

As my last project, if I found I could not entirely do without copying, was that of re from Paris, where the affluence ofexpensive, and deprived e to provide for it; to prevent in my retirement the state of lassitude into which an author is said to fall when he has laid down his pen, I reserved to ht fill up the void intorh these were not until that tiht beco them, and I determined to make of these the only work of the kind, by an unexaht see a hed at the false ingenuousness of Montaigne, who, feigning to confess his faults, takes great care not to give himself any, except such as are aht, and still think , the best of , however pure he maybe, who does not internally conceal some odious vice

I kneas described to the public very different fro my faults, all of which I was deterto be done without setting forth others also in theirs and the work for the sa my lifetied to make my confession, at which I should never have to blush before any person I therefore resolved to dedicate , and iuide or assistthe loss of all I had burned, mislaid and destroyed

The project of absolute retirely impressed uponmeasures, when Heaven, which prepared ed me into a another vortex

Montmorency, the ancient and fine patrimony of the illustrious family of that name, was taken from it by confiscation It passed by the sister of Duke Henry, to the house of Conde, which has changed the nauien, and the duchy has no other castle than an old tohere the archives are kept, and to which the vassals couien, there is a private house, built by Crosat, called 'le pauvre', which having the nificence of the most superb chateaux, deserves and bears the name of a castle The majestic appearance of this noble edifice, the view from it, not equalled perhaps in any country; the spacious saloon, painted by the hand of a arden, planted by the celebrated Le Notre; all coly majestic, in which there is still a simplicity that enforces ad who then inhabited this house, cahborhood where formerly his ancestors were the masters, to pass, at least, five or six weeks as a private inhabitant, but with a splendor which did not degenerate from the ancient lustre of his fa at Montmorency, he and his lady sent toreeable tothey never failed to reiterate the same compliments and invitation This called toed; but I was still the same man I did not choose to be sent to dine in the servants' hall, and was but little desirous of appearing at the table of the great I should have been much better pleased had they leftme ridiculous I answered politely and respectfully to Monsieur and Mada, but I did not accept their offers, and my indisposition and tiin an asseo to the castle to pay a visit of thanks, although I sufficiently coer politeness was rather a matter of curiosity than benevolence

However, advances still were

The Countess de Boufflers, as very intimate with the lady of theI would go and see her I returned her a proper answer, but did not stir fro, 1759, the Chevalier de Lorenzy, who belonged to the court of the Prince of Conti, and was inti, came several tio to the castle, but I refused to co of the kind, I saw co, followed by five or six persons There was now no longer any ant and unmannerly, do otherwise than return this visit, and make my court to Madam la Marechale, fro coan the connections froh a too well-founded foresight made me afraid of them until they wereI knew, she was amiable as to manner I had seen her several times at the theatre, and with the duchess of Boufflers, and in the bloonant; and this in a woman of her rank ated I thought her charainst time and which had the most powerful action upon my heart I expected to find her conversation satirical and full of pleasantries and points It was not so; it wasis not remarkably full of wit; it has no sallies, nor even finesse; it is exquisitely delicate, never striking, but always pleasing Her flattery is theas it is natural; it seems to escape her involuntarily, and her heart to overflow because it is too full I thought I perceived, onmy aardto her All the women of the court kno to persuade us of this when they please, whether it be true or not, but they do not all, like Mada that persuasion so agreeable that we are no longer disposed ever to have a doubt re

From the first day my confidence in her would have been as full as it soon afterwards becahter-in-law, young, giddy, and malicious also, taken it into her head to attack ned allurements on her own account, made me suspect I was only considered by them as a subject of ridicule

It would perhaps have been difficult to relieve oodness of the marechal confir ismy timidity, than the pro of equality to which he would absolutely reduce himself with me, except it be that hich he took me at mine with respect to the absolute independence in which I was determined to live

Both persuaded I had reason to be content with e it, neither he nor Mada seeh I can have no doubt of the tender concern they had for me, they never proposed to me a place nor offered me their interest, except it were once, when Mada seemed to wish ed ion; this she told ed to re arefused M de Tressan, and, in so of Poland, to become a member of the Academy at Nancy, I could not with propriety enter into any other Mada more was said upon the subject

This simplicity of intercourse with persons of such rank, and who had the power of doing anything into be, the particular friend of the king, affords a singular contrast with the continual cares, equally importunate and officious, of the friends and protectors from whom I had just separated, and who endeavored less to serve me than to render me contemptible

When the marechal ca hied to make them all sit down in the midst of my dirty plates and broken pots, but on account of the state of the floor, which was rotten and falling to ruin, and I was afraid the weight of his attendants would entirely sink it

Less concerned on account of er than for that to which the affability of the marechal exposed hi hi the coldness of the weather, to my alcove, which was quite open to the air, and had no chiht him to it; he told it to his lady, and they both pressedof the castle; or, if I preferred it, in a separate edifice called the Little Castle which was in the htful abode deserves to be spoken of

The park or garden of Montmorency is not a plain, like that of the Chevrette It is uneven, mountainous, raised by little hills and valleys, of which the able artist has taken advantage; and thereby varied his groves, ornaments, waters, and points of view, and, if I enius a space in itself rather narrow

This park is terminated at the top by a terrace and the castle; at bottoe which opens and becole of which is filled up with a large piece of water

Between the orangery, which is in this widening, and the piece of water, the banks of which are agreeably decorated, stands the Little Castle of which I have spoken This edifice, and the ground about it, fored to the celebrated Le Brun, who a it in the exquisite taste of architectual ornareat painter had formed to hi to the plan and design of its first ant As it stands in a holloeen the orangery and the large piece of water, and consequently is liable to be damp, it is open in the middle by a peristyle between ts of coluhout the whole edifice keeps it dry, notwithstanding its unfavorable situation When the building is seen from the opposite elevation, which is a point of view, it appears absolutely surrounded ater, and we iine we have before our eyes an enchanted island, or the most beautiful of the three Bororeater lake

In this solitary edifice I was offered the choice of four coround floor, consisting of a dancing room, billiard room and a kitchen I chose the smallest over the kitchen, which also I had with it It was charly neat, with blue and white furniture In this profound and delicious solitude, in theof birds of every kind, and the perfue flowers, I composed, in a continual ecstasy, the fifth book of Ereat measure to the lively impression I received froerness did I run everyat sunrise to respire the perfumed air in the peristyle! What excellent coffee I took there tete-a-tete withwere our company This retinue alone would have been sufficient formy whole life, in which I should not have had one weary moment I was there in a terrestrial paradise; I lived in innocence and tasted of happiness

At the journey of July, M and Mada showed ed in their house, and overwheloodness, I could not do less than make them a proper return in assiduous respect near their persons; I scarcely quitted the to pay my court to Madam la Marechale; after dinner I walked with the marechal; but did not sup at the castle on account of the nuuests, and because they supped too late forwas as it should be, and no harm would have been done could I have remained at this point But I have never kno to preserve a medium in my attachments, and si or nothing I was soon everything; and receiving the hest rank, I passed the proper bounds, and conceived for the equals Of these I had all the familiarity in my manners, whilst they still preserved in theirs the same politeness to which they had accustomedAlthough I was not quite relieved froer from it than from her wit It was by this especially that she impressed me with awe

I knew she was difficult as to conversation, and she had a right to be so I kneomen, especially those of her rank, would absolutely be amused, that it was better to offend than to weary theed by her commentaries upon what the people ent away had said what she ht of an expedient to spareShe had heard of my Eloisa, and kneas in the press; she expressed a desire to see the work; I offered to read it to her, and she acceptedat ten o'clock; M de Luxe was present, and the door was shut I read by the side of her bed, and so well proportioned s that there would have been sufficient for the whole time she had to stay, had they even not been interrupted

[The loss of a great battle, whichprecipitately to return to court]