Part 13 (2/2)

Hoas it that this delightful crisis did not secure our mutual felicity for the re conviction that it was not my fault; nay, I am persuaded, she did not wilfully destroy it; the invincible peculiarity of ain its empire; but this fatal return was not suddenly accomplished, there was, thank Heaven, a short but precious interval, that did not conclude byeerous illness, I did not regain th; my stouishi+ng condition, and the only inclination I was sensible of, was to end my days near one so truly dear to ood resolutions she had formed; to convince her in what consisted the real charms of a happy life, and, as far as depended on loomy, melancholy house, the continual solitude of our tete-a-tetes would at length become too dull and monotonous: a remedy presented itself: Madam de Warrens had prescribed milk for me, and insisted that I should take it in the country; I consented, provided she would accoain her coo was all that rearden (which I have beforesurrounded by houses and other gardens, and possessing none of those attractions so desirable in a rural retreat; besides, after the death of Anet, we had given up this place froer a desire to rear plants, and other views ret the loss of that little retreat Ian to imbibe for the town, I proposed to abandon it entirely, and settle ourselves in an agreeable solitude, in soh froers-on

She followed ested, ht fully have secured our happiness and tranquility till death had divided us--but this was not the state ere appointed to; Madaence and poverty, after having passed the forht learn to quit it with the less regret; and e ofexample to those who, inspired with a love of justice and the public good, and trusting too implicitly to their own innocence, shall openly dare to assert truth topreviously formed parties to protect them

An unhappy fear furnished some objections to our plan: she did not dare to quit her ill-contrived house, for fear of displeasing the proprietor

”Your proposed retire,” said she, ”and much to my taste, but we are necessitated to re the very ain return to seek them in the city That wereduced to this necessity, let us not leave this house entirely, but pay a small pension to the Count of Saint-Laurent, that he may continue h froh to return when it may appear convenient”

This mode was finally adopted; and after soing to M de Conzie, at a very small distance from Chambery; but as retired and solitary as if it had been a hundred leagues off The spot we had concluded on was a valley between two tolerably high hills, which ran north and south; at the botto the trees and pebbles, ran a rivulet, and above the declivity, on either side, were scattered a nuether a beautiful retreat for those who love a peaceful ro examined two or three of these houses, we chose that which we thought the entleood condition, before it a garden, for a terrace; below that on the declivity an orchard, and on the ascent, behind the house, a vineyard: a little wood of chestnut trees opposite; a fountain just by, and higher up the hill, ht necessary for the country retirement we proposed to establish To the best of my remembrance, we took possession of it toward the latter end of the su to sleep there--”Oh!” said I, to this dear friend, eht, ”this is the abode of happiness and innocence; if we do not find theether it will be in vain to seek them elsewhere”

THE CONFESSIONS OF JEAN JACQUES ROUSSEAU (In 12 books)

Privately Printed for the Members of the Aldus Society

London, 1903

BOOK VI

Hoc erat in votis: Modus agri non ila nus Hortus ubi, et leclo vicinus aqua fons; Et paululum sylvae superhis forel

I cannot add, 'auctius acque di h for my purpose; I had no occasion to have any property there, it was sufficient that I enjoyed it; for I have long since both said and felt, that the proprietor and possessor are two very different people, even leaving husbands and lovers out of the question

At this an the short happiness of iven retted htful course; pass h itive succession How shall I prolong, according toand simple? How shall I continue to relate the sa my readers with the repetition, any ain, if all this consisted of facts, actions, or words, I could somehow or other convey an idea of it; but how shall I describe as neither said nor done, nor even thought, but enjoyed, felt, without being able to particularize any other object of my happiness than the bare idea? I rose with the sun, and was happy; I walked, and was happy; I saw Madam de Warrens, and was happy; I quitted her, and still was happy!--Whether I ra the valley; read, was idle, worked in the garden, or gathered fruits, happiness continually accompanied me; it was fixed on no particular object, it ithinthat passed during that charht, has escaped my memory The time that preceded or followed it, I only recollect by intervals, unequally and confused; but here I remember all as distinctly as if it existed at this ination, which inthe future, but now takes a retrograde course,recollections for the deprivation of hope, which I have lost forever

I no longer see anything in the future that can tempt my wishes, it is a recollection of the past alone that can flatteris so true and lively, that it sometimes makes me happy, even in spite of my misfortunes

Of these recollections I shall relate one exaive some idea of their force and precision The first day ent to sleep at Char up-hill, and Madam de Warrens rather heavy, she was carried in a chair, while I followed on foot Fearing the chair to walk the rest of it As we passed along, she saw soe, and said, ”There's some periwinkle in flower yet!” I had never seen any before, nor did I stop to exauish plants on the ground, and I only cast a look at this as I passed: an interval of near thirty years had elapsed before I saw anyat Cressier in 1764, with my friend, M du Peyrou, ent up a small mountain, on the summit of which there is a level spot, called, with reason, 'Belle--vue', I was then beginning to herbalize;--walking and looking a the bushes, I exclaimed with rapture, ”Ah, there's sonorant of the cause, but will so this The reader e by this impression, made by so small an incident, what an effect must have been produced by every occurrence of that time

Meantime, the air of the country did not restoreand becaed to discontinue the use of it Water was at this tily I entered on a course of it, and so indiscreetly, that it almost released me, not only from my illness but also from my life The water I drank was rather hard and difficult to pass, as water froed so well, that in the coarse of two months I totally ruined ood, and no longer digesting anything properly, had no reason to expect a cure At this tiular in itself as in its subsequent consequences, which can only ter no worse than usual, while putting up the leaf of a small table, I felt a sudden and alhout my whole frame I know not how to describe it better than as a kind of tempest, which suddenly rose in my blood, and spread in aso violently that I not only felt their motion, but even heard it, particularly that of the carotids, attended by a loud noise in my ears, which was of three, or rather four, distinct kinds For instance, first a grave hollow buzzing; then aof water; then an extre I before mentioned, and whose throbs I could easily count, without feelinga hand to any part of my body This internal tuans, and rendered

My surprise and fearit was the stroke of death, I went to bed, and the physician being sent for, tre it past all cure I believe the doctor was of the sa over a long string of causes and effects beyond my comprehension, after which, in consequence of this sublime theory, he set about, 'in anima vili', the experimental part of his art, but the means he was pleased to adopt in order to effect a cure were so troubleso, and followed by so little effect, that I soon discontinued it, and after so I was neither better nor worse, left ; but the beating ofinthe thirty years'

time which has elapsed since that tireat sleeper, but a total privation of repose, with other alar symptoms which have accompanied it, even to this time, persuaded me I had but a short time to live This idea tranquillizedpersuaded I could not prolong life, determined to employ the remainder of it as usefully as possible This was practicable by a particular indulgence of Nature, which, in this ht have been supposed I should have experienced I was incommoded by the noise, but felt no pain, nor was it accompanied by any habitual inconvenience, except nocturnal wakefulness, and at all tih to be called an asthma, but was troublesoree of exertion

This accident, which seemed to threaten the dissolution of my body, only killed my passions, and I have reason to thank Heaven for the happy effect produced by it on an to live when I consideredat their real value those things I was quitting; I began to e those I hoped shortly to have the contelected I had often ion, but was never totally devoid of it; consequently, it cost enerally thoughtto those who make it an object of hope and consolation; Madam de Warrens, therefore, was ians in the world would have been

She, who brought everything into a systeion; and this system was composed of ideas that bore no affinity to each other Sofrom her disposition, and prejudices derived froeneral, ood, and the profligatebut hell, because they would willingly daentle souls disbelieve it altogether; and one of the astonishood Fenelon speak of it in his Teleave credit to it; but I hope he lied in that particular, for however strict he ard to truth, a bishop absolutely must lie sometimes Madam de Warrens spoke truth with ine a revengeful and ever angry God, saw only cleiveness, where devotees bestowed inflexible justice, and eternal punishment

She frequently said there would be no justice in the Supre bestoas necessary to render us essentially good, it would be requiring iven Thein hell, she was firatory This arose fro loathed to daood till they had become so; and we must really allow, that both in this world and the next, the wicked are very troublesome company