Part 13 (1/2)

The correspondence between Voltaire and the Prince Royal of Prussia, then made a noise in the world, and these celebrated men were frequently the subject of our conversation, one of whom recently seated on a throne, already indicated what he would prove hiraced as he is now admired, made us sincerely lament the misfortunes that seee of superior talents The Prince of Prussia had not been happy in his youth, and it appeared that Voltaire was formed never to be so

The interest we took in both parties extended to all that concerned the that Voltaire wrote escaped us The inclination I felt for these perforantly, and caused s of that author, hom I was so much enchanted Soh certainly not his best work) greatly aug inclination, which, frouished

But the ive into it entirely;disposition (rather contracted than eradicated) being kept alive by ourat Madam de Warrens, which was too unsettled for one of ers who daily swarmed about her froht only to dupe her, each in his particular reeable Since I had succeeded Anet in the confidence of his mistress, I had strictly examined her circumstances, and saw their evil tendency with horror I had reued, conjured, but all to no purpose I had thrown ly represented the catastrophe that threatened her, had earnestly entreated that she would refor that it was better to suffer so her debts and creditors, expose her old age to vexation and misery

Sensible of the sincerity of my zeal, she was frequently affected, and would then make the finest promises in the world: but only let an artful scheood resolutions were forgotten After a thousand proofs of the inefficacy of my remonstrances, what remained but to turn away my eyes from the ruin I could not prevent; and fly uard!

I made therefore little journeys to Geneva and Lyons, which diverted h it increased the cause by these additional expenses I can truly aver that I should have acquiesed with pleasure in every retrench persuaded that what Ia set of interested villains, I took advantage of her easiness to partake with the from the shambles, carried off a portion of that morsel which I could not protect

Pretences were not wanting for all these journeys; even Madam de Warrens would alone have suppliedplenty of connections, negotiations, affairs, and commissions, which she wished to have executed by some trusty hand In these cases she usually applied to o, and consequently found occasions enough to furnish out a raood connections, which have since been agreeable or useful toothers, I met at Lyons, with M Perrichon, whose friendshi+p I accusethe kindness he had for ood Parisot, which I shall speak of in its place, at Grenoble, that of Madareat understanding, and ould have entertained a friendshi+p for me had it been in my power to have seen her oftener; at Geneva, that of M de Closure, the French Resident, who often spoke to me of my mother, the remembrance of whom neither death nor time had erased from his heart; likewise those of the two Barillots, the father, as very aood cothe troubles of the republic, these two citizens took contrary sides, the son siding with the people, the father with the istrates When they took up arms in 1737, I was at Geneva, and saw the father and son quit the sa to the townhouse, the other to his quarters, almost certain to meet face to face in the course of two hours, and prepared to give or receive death froht made so lively an impression on me, that I solemnly vowed never to interfere in any civil war, nor assist in deciding our internal dispute by arms, either personally or by hts as a citizen I can bring proofs of having kept this oath on a very delicate occasion, and it will be confessed (at least I should suppose so) that this moderation was of some worth

But I had not yet arrived at that ferht of Geneva in arms has since excited in rave fact that will not tell to ot to put in its proper place, but which ought not to be omitted

My uncle Bernard died at Carolina, where he had been e of Charles Tohich he had formed the plan of My poor cousin, too, died in the Prussian service; thus my aunt lost, nearly at the same period, her son and husband These losses reanimated in some measure her affection for the nearest relative she had re, which was myself When I went to Geneva, I reckoned her houseover the books and papersthem I found some curious ones, and soht of My aunt, who set no store by these dusty papers, would willingly have given the whole to me, but I contented myself with two or three books, with notes written by the Minister Bernard,the rest, the posthuins of which were full of excellent coavethose of Madam de Warrens, and I have since lamented that I did not preserve it To these I added five or six memorials in manuscript, and a printed one, composed by the fa both learned and enlightened, but too much, perhaps, inclined to sedition, for which he was cruelly treated by the istrates of Geneva, and lately died in the fortress of Arberg, where he had been confined , as it was said, concerned in the conspiracy of Berne

This memorial was a judicious critique on the extensive but ridiculous plan of fortification, which had been adopted at Geneva, though censured by every person of judgment in the art, as unacquainted with the secret nificent enterprise Monsieur de Micheli, who had been excluded fro condeht that, as a citizen, and a e, and therefore, did so in this h he never published it, having only those copies struck off which were meant for the two hundred, and which were all intercepted at the post-house by order of the Senate

[The grand council of Geneva in Decehly disrespectful to the councils, and injurious to the co my uncle's papers, with the answer he had been ordered to make to it, and took both This was soon after I had left ood terement of it Some time after, the director of the custom-house entreated me to stand Godfather to his child, with Mada placed on such terms of equality with the counsellor, I wished to assume importance, and show ht I could do nothing better than show him Micheli's memorial, which was really a scarce piece, and would prove I was connected with people of consequence in Geneva, ere intrusted with the secrets of the state, yet by a kind of reserve which I should find it difficult to account for, I did not show him my uncle's answer, perhaps, because it wasless than print orthy to approach the counsellor He understood, however, so well the importance of this paper, which I had the folly to put into his hands, that I could never after get it intoconvinced that every effort for that purpose would be ineffectual, Ithe theft into a present I(more curious, however, than useful) answered his purpose at the court of Turin, where probably he took care to be reimbursed in some way or other for the expense which the acquisition of it ht be supposed to have cost hiencies, the least probable, is, that ever the King of Sardina should besiege Geneva, but as that event is not absolutely i been the reatest defects of that city to its most ancient enemy

I passed three or four years in this estry, projects, and journeys, floating incessantly froh I knew not on what, but insensibly inclining towards study I was acquainted with men of letters, I had heard theled in the conversation, yet rather adopted the jargon of books, than the knowledge they contained

In ood old friend Monsieur Si emulation by fresh news from the republic of letters, extracted from Baillet on Colomies I frequently saw too, at Chaood kind of friar, whose naotten, who often reatly amused me In imitation of hi for that purpose more than half filled a bottle with quicklime, orpiment, and water, the effervescence immediately became extremely violent; I ran to unstop the bottle, but had not ti the attempt, it burst in my face like a bomb, and I sed so much of the orpiment and lime, that it nearly cost me my life I remained blind for six weeks, and by the event of this experiment learned to meddle no more with experimental Chemistry while the elements were unknown to me

This adventure happened very unluckily for my health, which, for some time past, had been visibly on the decline This was rather extraordinary, as I was guilty of no kind of excess; nor could it have been expected fro well fors full liberty to play; yet I was short breathed, felt a very sensible oppression, sighed involuntarily, had palpitations of the heart, and spitting of blood, acco fever, which I have never since entirely overcome How is it possible to fall into such a state in the flower of one's age, without any inward decay, or without having done anything to destroy health?

It is sometimes said, ”the sears the scabbard,” this was truly the case with me: the violence of my passions both kept me alive and hastened s: the most trivial objects in nature, but which affected me as forcibly as if the acquisition of a Helen, or the throne of the universe were at stake

My senses, for instance, were at ease with one woman, but my heart never was, and the necessities of love consumed me in the very bosom of happiness I had a tender, respected and lovely friend, but I sighed for a ave her a thousand forms, for had I conceived that my endearments had been lavished on Madah infinitely more tranquil But is it possible for hts of love? I cannot tell, but I aht of the for love without an object, and this state, perhaps, is, of all others, the erous I was likewise uneasy, tormented at the bad state of poor Madam de Warrens' circumstances, and the i theination (which ever paints misfortunes in the extremity) continually beheld this in its utmost excess, and in all the horror of its consequences I already saw myself forced by want to quit her--to whom I had consecrated my future life, and without whom I could not hope for happiness: thus was itated, and hopes and fears devoured me alternately

Music was a passion less turbulent, but not less consu, from the ardor hich I attached myself to it, by the obstinate study of the obscure books of Rae my memory with rules it could not contain; by continual application, and by long and ihts in copying: but ell on these particularly, while every folly that took possession of le day, a journey, a concert, a supper, a walk, a novel to read, a play to see, things in the world the least premeditated in my pleasures or occupation became for me the most violent passions, which by their ridiculous iinary misfortunes of Cleveland, read with avidity and frequent interruption, have, I am persuaded, disordered ueret, who had been employed under Peter the Great, of the court of Russia, one of the most worthless, senseless fellows I ever met with; full of projects as foolish as himself, which were to rain downco before the senate, ireat reason on his side, since for those i, and which he bestoith the ute, the unfortunate crown pieces one by one out of her pocket

I did not like him, and he plainly perceived this, for with me it is not a very difficult discovery, nor did he spare any sort of s proposed teachingof I ainstlearned the ress was so rapid, that before the end of the first sitting I gave hiivenmore was necessary; behold me fascinated with chess! I buy a board, with the rest of the apparatus, and shutting hts in studying all the varieties of the ga alone, without end or relaxation, to drive the After incredible efforts, during two or three o to the coffee-house, thin, sallow, and alueret: he beats me, once, twice, twenty ti in ination was so stupefied, that all appeared confusion I tried to exercise myself with Phitidor's or Stamina's book of instructions, but I was still equally perplexed, and, after having exhausted ue, was further to seek than ever, and whether I abandoned my chess for a time, or resolved to surmount every difficulty by unre I could never advance one step beyond the i, nay, I aes, I should have ended by being able to give Bagueret the rook and nothing more

It will be said my time ell employed, and not a little of it passed in this occupation, nor did I quitmy apartment I had the appearance of a corpse, and had I continued this course er I should certainly have been one

Any one will allow that it would have been extraordinary, especially in the ardor of youth, that such a head should suffer the body to enjoy continued health; the alteration ofthe ardor of reeaker they becae for travelling I was not seized with heaviness, but uor becahed without cause, and feltaway before I had enjoyed it I only trembled to think of the situation in which I should leaveher, and leaving her in these th I fell quite ill, and was nursed by her as never mother nursed a child The care she took of me was of real utility to her affairs, since it diverted her mind fro would death have been at that time, when, if I had not tasted many of the pleasures of life, I had felt but few of its ht, without having experienced those cruel ideas of the injustice of mankind which embitters both life and death

I should have enjoyed the sweet consolation that I still survived in the dearer part of myself: in the situation I then was, it could hardly be called death; and had I been divested of entle sleep; yet even these disquietudes had such an affectionate and tender turn, that their bitterness was te sensibility I said to her, ”You are the depository of , act so that I may be happy” Two or three times, when ive herher future conduct; and I dare affirm these admonitions were both wise and equitable, in which the interest I took in her future concerns was strongly marked As if tears had been both nourishment and medicine, I found myself the better for those I shed with her, while seated on her bed-side, and holding her hands between mine

The hours crept insensibly away in these nocturnal discourses; I returned tocontent and calmed by the promises she made, and the hopes hich she had inspired ned to the dispensations of Providence God grant, that after having had so itated with so many storms, after it has even become a burden, that death, which must terminate all, may be no more terrible than it would have been at that ilance, she saved my life; and I am convinced she alone could have done this I have little faith in the skill of physicians, but depend greatly on the assistance of real friends, and a easy in those particulars on which our happiness depends, is more salutary than any other application If there is a sensation in life peculiarly delightful, we experienced it in being restored to each other; our mutual attachment did not increase, for that was impossible, but it became, I know not how,added to its forot into the habit, though without design, of being continually with each other, and enjoying, in so reciprocally that ere not only necessary, but entirely sufficient for each other's happiness Accuston to ourselves, our happiness and all our desires were confined to that pleasing and singular union, which, perhaps, had no equal, which is not, as I have before observed, love, but a senti on the senses, age, nor figure, but an asse sensation that composes our rational existence and which can cease only with our being