Part 5 (1/2)
It was tih of the Piede to reat difficulty; and I had so much prudence, that I wished to adapt it rather to the state of my purse than the bent of my inclinations In the course of my inquiries, I was infors to servants out of place at only one sou a night, and finding one of her poor beds disengaged, I took possession of it She was young and newly h she already had five or six children Mother, children and lodgers, all slept in the same chaood-natured, swore like a carentle heart, was officious; and to ave myself up to the pleasures of independence and curiosity; I continued wandering about the city and its environs, exa every object that sees had that appearance to a young novice I never oularly every reat honor to be in the same chapel with this prince and his retinue; but an to reater incentive than the splendor of the court, which, soon seen and always the sa of Sardinia had at that time the best music in Europe; Somis, Desjardins, and the Bezuzzi shone there alternately; all these were not necessary to fascinate a youth whom the sound of the most simple instrunificence only produced a stupid admiration, without any violent desire to partake of it,whether any young princess was present that e, and whom I could make the heroine of a ro one; in a less elevated sphere, it is true, but where could I have brought it to a conclusion, I should have found pleasures a thousand tih I lived with the strictest econohter This economy was, however, less the effect of prudence than that love of simplicity, which, even to this day, the use of thein my idea, either at that tietables, eggs, and brown bread, with tolerable wine and I shall always think ood appetite will furnish out the rest, if the maitre d' hotel, with a number of unnecessary footmen, do not satiate me with their important attentions Five or six sous would then procure reeable meal than as many livres would have done since; I was abstemious, therefore, for want of a te to call this abstinence, for with lasses of Montferrat wine, which you reatest of epicures
Notwithstanding my expenses were very moderate, it was possible to see the end of twenty livres; I was every day iddiness of youth, my apprehensions for the future amounted almost to terror All my castles in the air were vanished, and I beca some occupation that would procure me a subsistence
Even this was a work of difficulty; I thought of , but knew too little of it to be employed as a journeyman, nor dobetter presented itself, to go frorave ciphers, or coats of aret e what they chose to give me Even this expedient did not answer my expectations; almost allhardly sufficient to produce a few scantypretty early in the 'Contra nova', I saw a young tradeswoly attractive, that, notwithstanding my timidity with the ladies, I entered the shop without hesitation, offered my services as usual: and had the happiness to have it accepted She made me sit down and recite my little history, pitied my forlorn situation; bade me be cheerful, and endeavored to ive me assistance; then (while she had occasion for) she went up stairs and fetched , nor hat followed less flattering: she was satisfied with my work, and, when I had a little recovered antly dressed and notwithstanding her gentle looks this appearance of gayety had disconcerted ood-nature, the co manner, soon set me at ease with myself; I saw my endeavors to please were croith success, and this assurance h an Italian, and too pretty to be entirely devoid of coquetry, she had so reat a share of tiht to a very speedy conclusion, nor did they give us tiood of it I cannot recall the few shortsensible of an inexpressible charm, and can yet say, it was there I tasted in their uthtful, as well as the purest pleasures of love
She was a lively pleasing brunette, and the good nature that was painted on her lovely face rendered her vivacityShe was called Madam Basile: her husband, as considerably older than herself, consigned her, during his absence, to the care of a clerk, too disagreeable to be thought dangerous; but who, notwithstanding, had pretensions that he seldoood share of which he bestowed on h I was pleased to hear him play the flute, on which he was a tolerable ruo into his ree of disdain which she took care to repay hi pleased to caress me in his presence, on purpose to torh perfectly toin a 'tete a tete', but she did not proceed so far; at least, there was a difference in the expression of her kindness Whether she thought , that it was my place to make advances, or that she was seriously resolved to be virtuous, she had at such tiing, kept my passion within bounds
I did not feel the same real and tender respect for her as I did for Madaitated, feared to look, and hardly dared to breathe in her presence, yet to have left her would have been worse than death: How fondly didperceived! the flowers on her gown, the point of her pretty foot, the interval of a round white arlove and ruffle, the least part of her neck, each object increased the force of all the rest, and added to the infatuation Gazing thus on as to be seen, and even ht became confused, my chest seemed contracted, respiration was every itation, to preventheard, and this difficulty was increased by the silence in which ere frequently plunged Happily, Mada of all this, or seemed not to see it: yet I sometimes observed a kind of sy of her handkerchief, and this dangerous sight al way to my transports, she spoke a feords to itation subsided
I saw her several tiesture, or even a look, too expressive, ence between us The situation was both ht, for hardly in the siine the cause of my uneasiness I should suppose these 'tete a tete' could not be displeasing to her, at least, she sought frequent occasions to renew them; this was a very disinterested labor, certainly, as appeared by the use she , one day, wearied with the clerk's discourse, she had retired to her chamber; I made haste to finish what I had to do in the back shop, and followed her; the door was half open, and I entered without being perceived She was e near aon the opposite side of the room; she could not see me; and the carts in the streets made too much noise for me to be heard She was alell dressed, but this day her attire bordered on coquetry Her attitude was graceful, her head leaning gently forward, discovered a santly dressed was orna, and I had an uninterrupted opportunity to admire it I was absolutely in a state of ecstasy, and, involuntary, sinking on my knees, I passionately extendedno conception that she could see lass at the end of the roonorant what effect this transport produced on her; she did not speak; she did not look onher head, with the er only, she pointed to the mat that was at her feet--To start up, with an articulate cry of joy, and occupy the place she had indicated, was the work of a moment; but it will hardly be believed I dared attempt no more, not even to speak, raise h in an attitude which seemed to render such a support necessary I was duitation, joy, gratitude, ardent indefinite wishes, restrained by the fear of giving displeasure, which my unpractised heart too much dreaded, were sufficiently discernible She neither appeared more tranquil, nor less intimidated thanbrought n which she hadencourage disapprobation, with her eyes fixed on her work, she endeavored to appear unconscious of everything that passed; but allthat she partook of my embarrassment, perhaps, my transports, and was only hindered by a bashfulness likeme power to surmount it Five or six years older thanto my idea, should have been e mine, I concluded they would offend her Even at this tiht; she certainly had wit enough to perceive that a novice like enorant how this ani I should have continued ih delicious, situation, had we not been interrupted--in the height of itation, I heard the kitchen door open, which joined Mada alarmed, said, with a quick voice and action, ”Get up! Here's Rosina!” Rising hastily I seized one of her hands, which she held out to er kisses; at the second I felt this charently on my lips Never in my life did I enjoy so sweet a mo the conclusion of our ae yet re colors, which have even acquired fresh lustre since I became acquainted with the world and woree of experience, she would have taken other measures to animate so youthful a lover; but if her heart eak, it was virtuous; and only suffered itself to be borne away by a powerful though involuntary inclination This was, apparently, her first infidelity, and I should, perhaps, have foundher scruples thanso far, I experienced in her cohts Never did I taste with any other woman pleasures equal to those two minutes which I passed at the feet of Madaown I am convinced no satisfaction can be compared to that we feel with a virtuous woer, a hand lightly pressed against my lips, were the only favors I ever received fro condescensions continues to transportdays for another tete a tete; it was impossible to find an opportunity; nor could I perceive on her part any desire to forward it; her behavior was not colder, but more distant than usual, and I believe she avoided overn her own The cursed clerk wasme, with a satirical sneer, that I should unquestionablythe ladies I treuilty of soed in an intrigue, endeavored to cover with an air of reat need of it; this made me more circu only to seize such as should be absolutely free froer of a surprise, I met none
Another romantic folly, which I could never overcome, and which, joined to my natural timidity, tended directly to contradict the clerk's predictions, is, I always loved too sincerely, too perfectly, I may say, to find happiness easily attainable Never were passions at the same time more lively and pure than mine; never was love more tender, more true, or more disinterested; freely would I have sacrificed my own happiness to that of the object of my affection; her reputation was dearer than my life, and I could promise myself no happiness for which I would have exposed her peace of mind for a moment This disposition has ever made me employ so much care, use so many precautions, such secrecy in my adventures, that all of them have failed; in a word, my want of success with the wo loved theistus, the fluter; it was re more insupportable, the traitor put on the appearance of complaisance
From the first day Madam Basile had taken me under her protection, she had endeavored toI understood arith me to keep the books; a proposition that was but indifferently received by this hu supplanted As this failed,I had to do, was to transcribe some bills and accounts, to write several books over fair, and translate comht fit to accept the before rejected proposal, saying, he would teach , by double--entry, and put me in a situation to offer my services to M Basile on his return; but there was so so false, malicious, and ironical, in his air and manner, that it was by no means calculated to inspire me with confidence Madaed to him for his kind offer, but she hoped fortune would be reat misfortune, with so much sense, that I should only be a pitiful clerk
She often said, she would procure ht be useful; she doubtless felt the necessity of parting with me, and had prudently resolved on it Our mute declaration had been ave a dinner A Jacobin of good appearance was auests, to whom she did me the honor to present ratulated me on my late conversion, mentioned several particulars of my story, which plainly showed he had beenood, to keep up my spirits, and come to see him at his convent, where he should have ed him to be a person of some consequence by the deference that was paid him; and by the paternal tone he assumed with Madam Basile, to be her confessor I likewise remember that his decent familiarity was attended with an appearance of esteem, and even respect for his fair penitent, which then made less impression on me than at present Had I possessed ratulatedwoe enough to accommodate all the company, a s with our agreeable clerk; but I lost nothing with regard to attention and good cheer, for several plates were sent to the side-table which were certainly not intended for hiood spirits, and the gentleallant, while Madarace In the midst of the dinner we heard a chaise stop at the door, and presently so up stairs--it was M Basile
Methinks I now see hiold buttons --from that day I have held the color in abhorrence M Basile was a tall handsoood address: he entered with a consequential look and an air of taking his fah none but friends were present His wife ran to ave him a thousand caresses, which he received with the ut any return saluted the co to speak of his journey, when casting his eye on the small table he asked in a sharp tone, what lad that was? Madaed in the house; and was answered in the negative ”Why not?” replied he, rudely, ”since he stays here all day, he ht too” The iu, that so far froht to further the pious charity of his wife, since it was evident she had not passed the bounds of discretion The husband answered with an air of petulance, which (restrained by the presence of the monk) he endeavored to stifle; it was, however, sufficient to let me understand he had already received information of me, and that our worthy clerk had rendered me an ill office
We had hardly risen from table, when the latter came in triumph from his employer, to informravate this co that could render it cruel and insulting
I departed without a word, ed to quit this a her to the brutality of such a husband He was certainly right to wish her faithful; but though prudent and wellborn, she was an Italian, that is to say, tender and vindictive; whichmeans the most likely in the world to draw on himself the very evil he so much dreaded
Such was the success of my first adventure I walked several tiht of what retted; but I could only discover her husband, or the vigilant clerk, who, perceiving n with the ell they used in the shop, which was , therefore, that I was so coe failed, and I went no more I wished, at least, to find out the patron she had provided ed several ti in vain to htful reot her, that I remained as simple, as much a novice as ever, nor did mentation
Her liberality had, however, increased h she had done this with precaution and prudence, regarding neatness more than decoration, and to make ht from Geneva was yet wearable, she only added a hat and soive reat inclination for the put it in e to do this was unnecessary while I was to appear before her
A few days after this catastrophe; my hostess, who, as I have already observed, was very friendly, with great satisfaction informed me she had heard of a situation, and that a lady of rank desired to see reat adventures; that being the point to which all my ideas tended: this, however, did not prove so brilliant as I had conceived it I waited on the lady with the servant; who had mentioned me: she asked a nu her, I immediately entered into her service not, indeed, in the quality of favorite, but as a footman I was clothed like the rest of her people, the only difference being, they wore a shoulder--knot, which I had not, and, as there was no lace on her livery, it appeared merely a tradesreat expectancies!
The Countess of Vercellis, hom I now lived, was a ithout children; her husband was a Piedmontese, but I always believed her to be a Savoyard, as I could have no conception that a native of Piedood French, and with so pure an accent She was a ed wo, being fond of French literature, in which she ell versed Her letters had the expression, and alht have been taken for hers My principal e to ; a cancer in the breast, fro her to write herself
Mada, but a strong and elevated soul I ith her during her last illness, and saw her suffer and die, without showing an instant of weakness, or the least effort of constraint; still retaining her fe an idea that such fortitude gave her any claim to philosophy; a hich was not yet in fashi+on, nor comprehended by her in the sense it is held at present This strength of disposition so to feel as little for others as herself; and when she relieved the unfortunate, it was rather for the sake of acting right, than from a principle of real commiseration I have frequently experienced this insensibility, in so the three months I remained with her It would have been natural to have had an estee man of some abilities, as incessantly under her observation, and that she should think, as she felt her dissolution approaching, that after her death he would have occasion for assistance and support: but whether she judged me unworthy of particular attention, or that those who narroatched all her ave her no opportunity to think of any but the for me