Part 8 (1/2)
I have no idea how long I sat there The old ave an occasional snort in his sleep, but that couldn't rouse ot up and went to see Major Erht occurred to me that I could si about it eventually Except what about those long, long hours I had spent in that horrible reception rooathered upso coffee with the other He lifted his blue eyes and looked straight at th in those eyes, the joyful attitude of a puppy pleased with everything, a puppya dogwas there so: ”You're late! I was beginning to think -- poof! -- into thin air! Where were you?”
”With the Adesture of mock respect
”Indeed,” he said ”You don't waste time I should have known”
”Cut that out!” I yelled, rising froasped, astonished But I didn't let hi out and nothing could stop theh the Building, about the Commander in Chief, about the suspicion which even then had taken hold of me like an illness, and I told him how that suspicion had affected all my subsequent actions, hoas ready to accept the role of martyr, an innocent man convicted on circule blot on his record, and how I had prepared myself for the worst, but even the worst had been denied me and I was left to myself, always to myself, always infernally alone, and I told him hoandered from door to door on business that , but even as I told hiroped for words, circled, feeling soetherThen a thought hitout -- that is, if I were to be of any use at all (putting aside all personal claims, illusions, hopes), then wasn't it foolish, even criain if I fell to pieces? Nothing! Then what purpose did all this nonsense serve, and wasn't it about tiave eneral idea of the Mission, whatever that uarantee that I would endeavor, with allloyalty, faith, devotion
Unfortunately in with, did not improve towards the end Out of breath, shaken, I stopped in mid-sentence Major Erms's blue eyes stared at me in consternation Then he lowered the with the spoon -- ah, he was embarrassed, ean in a quiet and friendly way, though I thought I detected a note of severity in his voice ”I don't knohat to do with you To take such riskssuch schoolboy pranksopening medicine chests, really! It's painful even to ination run aith you like that?” He was increasingly stern, yet somehow still maintained that incredibly sunny disposition of his
This ti to be led around by the nose I said quickly: ”And my instructions? Why didn't you explain theorically refused to In fact, he actually -- he stole them from me --”
”He what?”
”He didn't do it himself, there was this fat officer in the roombut Prandtl knew about it, I'm positive”
”Oh, so you're positive That's nice And do you have any proof of this?”
”No,” I admitted -- but immediately resumed the offensive: ”Look, Major Erht noas in those instructions!”
And I looked him in the eye
”So that's what you're after!” He burst out laughing ”My dear fello could I possibly remember? Really, there are so many -- just look!” He picked up thick stacks of paper from the desk and waved them in the air ”You honestly expect me to remember all this? Come on, have a heart”
”No!” I said fir? Not even the general idea? Well, I just don't believe you!!”
If only I hadn't gone too far After all, he was the only man I could count on, my last resort Even now, I felt this If he were suddenly to confess that he was only acting under orders, that he was not what he see man with friendly, blue eyes but just another part of the Building -- then nothing reo to that bathroo while He rubbed his forehead, he scratched his ear, he sighed
”You lost your instructions,” he finally said ”All right That's so It calls for disciplinary action I'll have to initiate proceedings But don't worry, it won't be bad -- unless you left the pre, I hope?”
”No”
”Thank God!” he sighed with relief ”In that case, the whole thing will be a mere formality We'll take care of it later As far as what you've said in this office is concerned, I didn't hear any of it, understand? If I listened every tiue blew off steam here, well -- I wouldn't be fit to hold this position!” His fist hit the desk ”You doubt my sincerity Why should I like you, you wonder, e hardly know each other?” He spread his arms ”But it isn't like that at all Please pay attention to what I have to say I' over a lot of less papers, I'm not another blasted bureaucrat! I'-off point for our very best people, people who are on their way -- there Now, you've been singled out for a Special Mission So while I don't know you personally, I do know that on that basis alone (not everyone gets a Mission, after all) you merit my respect, my trust, my friendshi+p -- particularly as your work demands that you will be alone for an indefinite period of tireatest perilI would be a swine indeed if, under those circu hand -- not merely in an official capacity, but in every capacity possible! You are angry that I don't recall your instructions? You have every right to be angry! I have a lousy memory, it's true On the other hand, ainst me In our business, it's not healthy to remember too much Suppose you're about to leave on your Mission and I happen to blurt out -- unintentionally, of course -- so its way there through certain channels, it could prove fatal, destroy you You understand? Isn't it better, then, for h uard, watch every wordAnd then, it's not every day that someone loses his instructions! You can hardly bla prepared for that eventuality! We'll start disciplinary procedures against you, that can't be helped -- but do get rid of these unfounded suspicions”
”Very well,” I said ”I understand At least, I' to understand But what about inals!”
”Sure!” he answered with a characteristic toss of his blond hair ”The Commander in Chief has theet at thes can't be done in a hurry But it shouldn't take too long!” he added hastily
”May I leave this with you?” I asked, placing my folder on his desk
”What is it?”
”Didn't I tell you? It's the folder they switched on ain!”
He shook his head
”I wonder,” he said, half to himself, ”if I shouldn't send you to Medicals”
But he opened the folder and glanced at the plan and the ether hite thread He examined them There was an odd look on his face
”Peep,” he ht eyes lifted and met mine
”Mind if I leave you for a second? Just a second, I promise”
I didn't protest, especially since he took the co documents with him He went out by a side door, didn't even bother to shut it; I heard a chair ot up, tiptoed over to the door, and peeked in
Major Er a pencil over a blank sheet of paper with the ut I moved closer, unable to believe my eyes The floor creaked Erms whirled around and saw me He was startled at first, but quickly broke into a friendly grin
”I didn't want to be rude,” he said, getting up, ”and work right in front of youwhich is why”
He tossed his sketch on the desk with an exaggerated lack of concern It skidded across the highly polished wood and alinal papers
”No, you keep them,” I mumbled, confused by the whole incident
”And ould I do with the there anyway to file a forladly take care of the matter for you, except that unfortunately this has to be done in person”
We returned to his office and sat down, facing each other across the desk
”Then -- the originals of my instructions? I have to wait until after the disciplinary action?” But before he could reply, I added, surprised that I was actually asking this: ”Why did you copy those plans?”
”Copy?” Major Ers I was only checking their authenticity There are so many fakes in circulation, you know”
I wanted to shout, ”That's not true! I saw it! You werea copy!” But all I could say was: ”They're fakes?”
”Well, I shouldn't be telling you this, but” He leaned over with a conspiratorial air ”Everything's authentic except for the second and third levelsbut keep that under your hat”
”Of course!” I said, and was about to leave when I reed around for the his forgetfulness, tossing out all sorts of personal odds and ends on the desk A them was a small, spotted stone