153 Toxic Friendship (2/2)
”No, I don't.” Lei Xinyi sighed in a tired manner and gazed at the ceiling, the only thing that didn't become the evidence of their love-rival-mettle match.
”Even if I do, he is something unavailable, unachievable. Life with him is just an illusion, he is too controlling, I Iike it with him, I really do but...”
”...When he tries to make me feel safe I feel caged when he tries to make me feel cherished I feel unworthy when he tries to make me feel loved I feel vile!”
Lei Xinyi was pouring her heart out and she didn't really care, it was Su Qianwei who was the one hearing, they were just too alike.
Their lives was prickling, wrenching and slaying their hearts all the same.
Su Qianwei didn't have the man she wanted and Lei Xinyi couldn't have the man she wanted. They weren't ordinary women, they sacrificed to survive day by day but life didn't mercy on them even then.
Su Qianwei drew a heavy exhalation and laid on her side so she was facing Lei Xinyi who was still on her side, ”I would tell you that I understand but you are just chickening out! I am not saying that because I want you to go back to him, quite the opposite but because I think you should know that... you are a coward.”
A sarcastic chuckle left Lei Xinyi at the irony of her words, ”I killed the Lei's heir on his own bed! I stole the Yu's centuries-old heirloom and I became an imposter of Li Yuan's fiance and you think I am a coward!”
She scoffed, ”I have more balls than any man in this country!”
Su Qainwei squinted her eyes at the smug woman. The bruises would be visible on her face and body in some hours.
”Lei Xinyi, you are a coward.” She brought her fingers to her forehead and knocked, ”You dare to hunt thrill and have adventures but you don't have the balls to face the consequences of your endeavors. You killed him and ran away, you stole the heirloom then slipped away and now you are disappearing again.”
”...You need to face life and stop looking for the first escape route you find to make a new life whenever life gets hard.”
Lei Xinyi slapped Su Qainwei's hand away. That would have been the best pep talk to suicide ever! For all we know, this was the lunatic woman master plan to sweet-talk her into the honey trap.
She laid on her side then narrowed her cat-like eyes ”Is that your master plans to get me killed?! They will be asking for my head when they find out about me!”
She rolled her eyes and snarled, ”I have the whole f*cking world f*cking with me!”
With that, the conversation between them decayed with every second that passed in silence between them.
Su Qianwei closed her eye and exhaled a deep breath. The man she pinned her whole life for was longing for a woman who would leave him in days.
She wasn't ignorant Li Yuan was keeping her safe because he cared about her, liked her, or maybe even... loved her.
She had been searching for the real Lu Xinyi for almost a month now with no trails or traces just to drive Lei Xinyi out of Li Yuan's life. And here she was leaving on her own but she didn't feel satisfied.
He wasn't going to be hers, even with Lei Xinyi gone, she just knew it.
She had been lying to herself for years but she could see it now when a girl came in his life. He was never hers, to begin with.
It's been hardly months since he had known Lei Xinyi, on the other hand, he had known her since she was in her crib. Everybody could see they were meant for each other except Li Yuan.
A tear slid down and disappeared in her hair, the only evidence of her heart being slain. A bitter laugh left her.
Why can't he want her? Why couldn't he be her fiance? Why couldn't he fake a baby with her? Wasn't she more beautiful than all others he had seen? Then why?
”You can have him all you want.”