115 114. Snow.txt (2/2)

He's a serious snowflake who doesn't even have a 'pause' before he says something, he just says what he thinks right out loud.

I'm convinced from experience that now is a good time to do it.

--I've learned from my mistakes of the past.

I've learned from my mistakes of the past.

And this time I won't make a mistake.

If I'm going to get someone to open up, I'm going to have to open up first.

I made a vow at the end of the nativity.

Open your heart, trust people, and don't lie to them...

'Then!　You can seriously make that wish come true!　This time, no one, not the Walkers, not the Palinklons, not anyone, will confuse me!　You're going to make your own wishes come true, Snow!

Hey!　What if you fail again?　If you get serious and fail, you will be seriously sad. I'll be seriously frustrated and seriously unhappy. I don't like that ......, I absolutely hate that!

'But that doesn't change anything if you don't move!　If you really want to escape, you'll have to make your own move!

I have to do something about it.　Maybe someone else can help!　Just like Fran will be one day!　Like the Lady Lastiara of one day!　I was jealous of that one!　I was so, so jealous!　I've always been jealous of those girls and I can't stand them!　Why did those people get help and none of them got help for me!　I don't want to be in the Walker house!　But to this day, no one!　I didn't get any help--!

Me and Snow are seriously bouncing words off each other.

There was no calculating, good-for-nothing me, and no sneaky, complacent Snow.

No help is normal!　I didn't have it either, so that's what happened!

'How could I not expect to see the person who was helping me here!　I thought Kanami was going to be mine!　I was hoping for Kanami!　I was seriously hoping for something, and when I was let down, I was seriously sad!　It was so painful!　I don't want to get serious and suffer for real!

'But you can't be seriously happy unless you're serious about it!　It's not going to be like this forever!　You don't really want Snow to live in fear of the Walkers and live in fear of deception!

I want to really feel happy about being happy too: ......!　But I can't do it anymore. I've become a coward ....... I'm so afraid of suffering that I'm going to run away so fast. ......!　My legs are selfishly cowering. My mind turns away on its own. I'm afraid to live. I can't do it anymore like everyone else......!

Snow spat everything out and for the first time, he was screaming with all his might.

His throat shook with all his strength, and he clenched both fists, cursing his fate.

To scream was to admit it.

Snow's face contorts as she comes face to face with the fact that she's been running away for so long.

And then shedding tears.

Unable to control her body's trembling, she breaks her knees as ragged, large tears flow down her face.

''You see, ....... I'll make you serious, ......, helpless tears flow .......

He blames me, wiping away the tears.

'I didn't want to know what I really thought ....... If only I didn't admit it, I wouldn't have to know anything ....... This is just hard .......

Snow couldn't stop the tears and continued to shake like a child.

'But that's Snow's true intentions. Snow has been crying for a long time.

Ever since we met, it's been .......

I fumble, making one last check.

'Snow has been waiting for you ....... Someone to take you out of here (...) .......

Yes, I've been waiting for Kanami. I'm sure it's been ever since I became a Snow Walker.

Snow looked up at me with tear-filled eyes.

In those eyes, I was the only one she could see.

I'm sure you're not the only one who wants me madly. She can't live without me, that much obsession lurks in there. We clash with our true feelings, and the madness we've been hiding is coming back to haunt us.

But that madness is the only thing I can't accept.

'Snow, I'll say it again and again. There is no such thing as a 'hero' who can help you unconditionally. At least not me. I'm not. ......

Still I refused.

'...... So Kanami isn't a 'real hero', is he? ...... And he's not even 'my hero'.

And finally, Snow accepts.

We spill our guts to each other, hurt each other, and finally Snow admits that I'm not a 'hero'. So I can finally make a proposal.

That's why I don't want to be a 'hero' but Snow's 'partner'. I don't want to do anything but help Snow. I'll help you and you'll help me. I think we can become such an equal relationship ....... I'm sure you'll be ......!

...... partner?

Snow listens back as if he's hearing it for the first time.

'Aye. One day Snow introduced me to Elmiraad, didn't he?　We're partners. I think that's the best kind of relationship. We're partners, we don't do everything together without conditions. We stand by each other and support each other.

We support each other by the side. ......

”If you want to be my partner, not my 'hero,' I'll never leave you, That's a promise. I will stand by you to the end, no matter what the Walkers do to get in your way. ...... So don't be afraid to fight on your own, Snow, and don't be afraid to fight for yourself. Fight for what you really want.

I didn't want Snow to see me as a 'hero'.

I'm not going to be the only one who's going to be able to do that. So that's the only condition I ask of Snow.

Snow understands that request and gradually changes the way she looks at me.

She wipes away her tears and spins out the words.

'If we're partners, are you sure we're going to be together forever?

Yeah, that's right.

Are you sure you're not going to die?

Yeah, I'm not dead.

Would you help me as a partner?

I will. And in return, Snow, don't slack off and help me.

Snow is also giving one last check.

I nod confidently, trying not to make him uneasy.

'Nah, then ......, or ...... if you're my partner--'

And finally, she asks.

One day's wish, again.

'Would you marry me if I wanted to?'

It's .......

My heart pulsed so loudly that it felt like it was going to burst.

In the face of that question that was beyond the bounds of my partner, I could only calmly - I could only shake my head.

That was the only thing I could never nod my head to.

Seeing me, Snow's expression breaks down and her eyes fall down.

'I knew you'd shake your head there ....... Ugh, I'm seriously frustrated (・・・・・・) ....... It's frustrating .......

But the reaction was a little different than when it happened.

No surprise, no freezing.

It was very refreshing - and as if he finally had an answer.

Calmly, Snow laughed (...) -

Oh, I see it now. I knew I was--

Then, with a laugh, he redoes his former confession.

'You're right, Lady Rastiara, I really like Kanami (・・・・・・・) (・・・・・・). I liked her so much, I wanted to marry her so badly.

What?

Now it was my turn to be surprised and freeze.

I was stunned by this too sincere confession, the complete opposite of what I had seen before.

If you ask me, it seems that the cause is Rastiala.

I haven't heard anything from Rastiara .......

I heard that he convinced Snow, but I didn't hear that he went into this much detail .......

But sadly, I could easily imagine Rustyala happily telling Snow about his love life.

Beyond my tolerance, I feel the difficulty of persuading Snow to do so increasing.

'When Rastiara-sama told me that you would be my 'hero', I couldn't answer immediately. I now know exactly why: ....... I didn't want it to be Kanami. Not because it was 'heroic' or convenient, but because Kanami was Kanami, and I wanted Kanami to be 'mine'.

But Snow was calmer and more open than ever.

I have to respond to that.

If I don't respond here, it will be the same as before I lost my memory.

But before I can respond, Snow continues her monologue.

'I like Kanami,' Rastiara-sama said, and I didn't know what to do. I had no confidence at all that it would work, so I decided to give it all up. I thought that if Kanami disappeared like this, I wouldn't be seriously sad. I thought it would be easiest to forget and pretend it never happened ....... I thought but ......, I knew it wouldn't work.

There is no longer any of Snow's characteristic pensive or sneaky features at all.

She continued to speak with a slight flush in her cheeks, just like girls everywhere.

The expression on her face was the most adorable I've ever seen.

As I look at it, I can feel my face getting redder and redder.

I don't want to get serious ......, but I can't suppress these feelings ....... I've been wrong for a long time, but I finally realized it. This feeling of not wanting to leave Kanami means that I like Kanami ......!

Snow smiled and sorted out his feelings.

Hence, that smile was pure and innocent, as if a possession had fallen away.

But even though I knew that smile would fall away, I couldn't lie to him.

I was determined, and in an attempt to respond to that confession--

Snow, I...

'It's okay. I know Kanami doesn't like me. Because what I've done is--

Before I can say it all, Snow accepts it with a smile on her face.

'I just tried to make Kanami my own ......, ignoring whether I like her or not. There's no way Kanami would like me that way....... Even I'm stupid enough to know that much .......

I calmly accepted what I had done and reflected on it, too.

That was the Snow I didn't know.

'But now I want Kanami to like me ....... I'm afraid of being hated, but I still want to be liked and I can't bear to be ....... Even if they don't like me now, I want them to say they like me someday......

The trembling in Snow's body hadn't stopped yet.

But Snow struggled to control it, standing firmly on her own two feet and laughing.

'So I'll try my best (・・・・・・). For the sake of my favorite Kanami, I'll try my best too.

Then he said the words that were unthinkable for Snow until now.

'I will not pretend to be something I'm not, I will be who I am, and I will do what I really wish for.

Snow pushes himself to do what I said before the ”Dance Tournament”.

Snow looks forward to fulfilling Snow's wish for herself.

'My wish - I used to want to be recognized by everyone. That's why I thought 'glory' was everything. I felt like if I got 'glory,' something would change.

In the past, Snow seemed to want 'glory'.

I'm with Rowen.

'But that didn't mean anything. Instead of giving me anything, they took everything from me.

And because of the 'glory', she lost everything.

That's probably why she was incompatible with Rowen. It probably felt like she was looking at herself in the past.

'I want to try again. And for that, I want to be free of this place.

In the past, Snow has failed, despaired and broken down.

But now, he wants to move on again.

”I want to go to that sky - and far away - not for anyone else, but for myself. That's really all I ever wanted to do: ......

Snow turned her attention to the swaying windows of the white curtains.

She smiled serenely at the blue sky that stretched out there.

Only a really modest wish, Snow could see that only a small wish remained.

'I finally noticed ....... Thank you, Kanami. It's not 'mine' or 'my hero'. 'My favorite person' .......

Snow thanks me with her calm eyes and smile at me.

And then Snow walks away.

Of his own volition.

I'm going to say goodbye to the Walkers now. Will you come with me, Kanami?

He turns around and invites me to join him before he puts his hand on the door.

He made his beautiful sky blue hair dance and stared at me with clear eyes.

'Of course,'

There's no reason to say no.

I take the invitation and leave the room with Snow.

Thus, Snow and I finally take a step out of the false world - toward the exit from this ”prison”. We both stand side by side and go to say goodbye to the Walker family as partners.