Chapter 4.2 - Sorrowfully 2 (2/2)

“Hmm… Opera…”

After scratching his chin, teacher Kwak Jungsoo soon opened his mouth.

“The first thing that comes up in my mind is to analyse others’ songs a lot to make that your own. Because you will be able to grasp more numbers of and more important details than others. You can attend lots of concerts from now to write evaluations. And… it would help when you record and listen to your own singing. But you’re probably doing that already…”

Concert, recording my voices and notetaking.

Seeing me who was diligently nodding my head, the teacher gave a nod.

“Think of the other things later on and for now, just sing that Magic Flute one one more time.”

“Yes.”

It was a sudden change but neither the teacher nor I were startled by it. I quickly straightened my posture and began singing as the words that had already been stamped into my brain started pouring out automatically.

Dies bildnis ist bezaubernd schön, this portrait of magical beauty

In the middle of my song, he stopped it.

“Stop.”

“…”

Licking my lips, I waited for the teacher’s evaluation as he stared directly at my face before giving a smile.

“It’s a lot better, now you can stand in line for the roller coaster.”

Ohh.

As if reminding me to not get carried away, he pointed something out while I was smiling.

“But there are still lots of places where the legato is broken. It’s due to the classic lack of breath… have you practised a lot?”

“Yes.”

Glancing down at my stomach, he crossed his arms and opened his mouth.

“Hmm… right. You look like you have the breath that fits your build. It’s around the level of an average student now.”

Average, huh.

Indeed, I felt like the times where I lacked breath were extremely fewer than before. Perhaps it was because my initial standard was super low, but it didn’t take a long time for me to reach average.

I was nodding when he finished his words.

“And the fact that you’re still lacking breath means that the problem lies within you.”

“…”

Me?

After a deep contemplation with his gaze towards the skies, he organised his thoughts and opened his mouth.

“You’re using a singing method that strangely uses a lot of breath. Because you’re opening your throat wide with each expression being heavy, you’re using more breath than other people. That’s why even in these songs, your legato is broken and phrasing is in ruins.”

He continued up to here before looking over with a curious expression.

“Is it really self-studied? It is definitely not something naturally gained.”

“…”

Well, it wasn’t naturally gained after all. Staring at me who had words but no mouth, he shrugged his shoulders.

“Well, it’s not a wrong method but usually when self-learning, it is more natural to find expressions that fit the person, but your skills seem like they were built on the basis that your lungs were massive like mine. That’s why like baggy clothes, your breaths are not able to keep up.”

The teacher concluded.

“In one sentence, you’re too greedy. Your max mana is 10 and you’re using skills that use 5 mana left and right, so how long would your mana last you for? Use a more efficient singing method that fits your body. Having a big body isn’t everything in opera. You can tell from just seeing Jo Sumi.”

“…”

A flash of comprehension passed through my head.

Right.

I was different from the future.

Before coming back in time, I was an opera singer with over 180cm in height with twice the size I was right now, but currently, I was only a small boy that had just gotten into opera.

With a gaze downward, I stared at my stomach. From the short 3 weeks time, it had gotten slightly tougher but compared to 20 years in the future, it was a feeble body with resonating chambers that couldn’t be compared.

Would I be able to express large sounds resembling the mountain ranges or communicate the deep waters of the ocean?

No.

But I can express the flapping of butterflies; I could whisper the emotions of lovers. Things that can’t be expressed with large resonances – those subtleties can be made with this body.

Without understanding the fact that small bodies had their own use, I was just struggling to return to the past.

Lowering my head down to the ground, I saw the large shadow of the teacher enveloping me. Teacher Kwak Jungsoo – perhaps I was chasing after this person who was the foundation of my singing too much.

Raising my head back up, I opened my mouth.

“I’ll try analysing it again.”

He raised his lips in response.

“Alright.”

Slowly posturing myself, I stood in front of the teacher as he sat quietly with his eyes directly pointing at me. In front of that, I decided to start from the very beginning, to build the foundation of my expression back up from scratch.

I drew in a deep breath before letting it back out.

“Fuu–.”

One breath. I examined the amount of air I had in one breath. It wasn’t much, and like a little pond of water scooped up with two hands, it was shallow and small.

But this was enough.

Slowly, I squeezed out the breath as thinly and as long as possible.

“Ah–…”

I concentrated my all into my ears to the slightly changing timbre and tried matching the amount of breath that was required for that timbre.

Sometimes a drop of breath at a time, and sometimes it escaped like a little creek. I tried letting go of it so delicately that it might be stopped at any time, and also tried pressuring it out like a fountain.

Humming a few songs in that state, I could understand how much of a breath I had been consuming before. Right, that was a waste. More than anything, it was an expression that did not suit a 17 year-old Jo Yunjae.

Hearing my own voice that travelled into my ears, I added a subtle rearrangement into my vocalisation. An expression that fit this adolescent and soft timbre – in search of that, I continued restructuring the inside of the mouth before flashing my eyes open.

“I’ll now sing.”

“…”

In front of the teacher sparkling his eyes.

I opened my mouth.