Chapter 4.2 - Sorrowfully 2 (1/2)

Kung.

“…”

The sound of the staffroom door closing rang from behind me. As I slowly exited onto the corridors, the eyes of the students that had been around gathered at me before soon dispersing. Giving them a few glances as well, I started to slowly carry my feet.

Corridors.

I could hear the sound of the students’ chattering resting near my ears as well as the sound of the wind knocking the windows, the chirping of the birds, and the sound of leaves rustling past.

Listening to those sounds with a smile, I thought back to what teacher Ku Mingi had said.

Me as a conductor…

A little grin came out. Jo Yunjae who had been waving his hands as a sub conductor with the little brats at a local cathedral succeeded in life, hey. Being scouted by the conducting department and all.

I imagined myself conducting before Lee Suh-ah and Kim Wuju but soon got rid of the image.

Conducting department.

It wasn’t that appealing.

To put it in words, it would be like, ‘me?’, ‘do I have to?’ or ‘why?’. I was attending a performing arts school because I loved singing not because I wanted success or fame. If I wanted money, I would’ve quit the school already and bought all the stocks for Future Electronics.

“Ah… I need to persuade my dad.”

After some thought, I shook my head.

In any case,

Although I had heard a lot of compliments from teacher Ku Mingi, I wasn’t particularly happy. Rather than a long compliment on my conducting abilities, a small superficial comment like ‘your song was good’ made me a lot happier.

Teacher Ku Mingi, did he mean that if I were to completely fail this concert, that he would send me over to the conducting department? That would be quite scary.

“Hmm– hhmm–”

Humming the song I would be performing in the concert, I paced towards the practice rooms.

Hmm… the only compliment that actually did ring my heart was the one about my ears but that was iffy as well. Did I really have good ears? I had never gotten such a compliment in my life before so even if I was told that, it sounded sarcastic and I couldn’t readily believe it.

Just to make sure, I went through the past in my library of memories. Along with the sound of books flipping past I remembered some slight memories of the past.

Ensemble.

There, I was a singing instrument no1. Closing my mouth, I had to sing when the conductor said so and keep it closed otherwise. I was not in a position to tell others off. More like I was on the receiving end of it and had to make sure my sound wouldn’t interrupt others’ singing.

All the executants and musicians standing in an ensemble were pros so I wasn’t senior enough to give them advice either. It’s also not respectful towards the conductor.

Was that why my ears had no chance to shine? I don’t know. Ah, but I do remember hearing that I was quick at adapting to choruses – that I was good at mixing my sound into others’ sounds…

“Hmm…”

Going further back I went back to the university days.

Music University.

I, who had crammed through by self-studying, was an under-achieving student that lacked in everything. Throughout highschool, I studied by myself with only the words from teacher Kwak Jungsoo as the guideline so it was natural that I was lacking compared to other students who had stepped through elite courses.

In particular, the theory, detail, languages and pronunciation that were difficult to study alone were way below average. Italian, German, French, English… how many languages did we have to learn? I practised them so much that later it felt strange to sing in Korean.

“Huhuh…”

Thinking back on those days, I felt a smile escape.

The days of music university – they were extremely busy but were enjoyable. I was so happy that I could sing and I could at least feel myself gradually getting better, so there was the hope that I was reaching ever so closer to my dream.

After practising crazily like that, I was soon made to face my limits.

“…”

My thoughts started to turn.

Limits.

Although I did sing for more than 20 years, I was only able to develop my skills during the first 10 years, only when there were teachers to guide me through the way. After leaving the university and performing as a pro, my skills were stuck without showing any signs of development. It was as if someone had drawn a line above my head.

I started to detest the exact same sounds I would make in the practice rooms after a stuffing session of choruses. Even if I wanted to receive lessons, teacher Kwak Jungsoo was busy overseas and I had no chance to meet him.

But now, it was different.

Raising my head, I glanced over the surroundings and could see lots of high-class rooms around me. A building with dozens of practice rooms, and as long as one was a student, they could use these freely.

On top of those, I had a trustworthy teacher, Kwak Jungsoo as well as the overflowing practice times with him, other professional music teachers and great executants that I could compete with. In this Future Arts High,

I would be able to develop further.

Look, even today, wasn’t I able to find a good talent that I did not know of? With a bright smile, I pushed open the door of a reserved room, and the room filled with soundproof walls came into view.

A practice room.

And the teacher.

I stood there staring at teacher Kwak Jungsoo which made him tilt his head.

“What are you doing, standing still”

“Right. I was making a vow…”

“A vow?”

“I thought that I must practise hard.”

“What, did you not practise? Even if you say that I won’t let you off.”

“Of course not.”

Grinning at the teacher that gave me stern warnings, I walked into the practice room. When I entered, the smell unique to practice rooms swiftly came into my nose – the strange smell of soundproof material; the smell of old piano; the smell of practice rooms. That humid and yet warm smell.

Breathing that in made me feel a lot more relaxed. It felt like I was returning to my hometown, and in that stableness, all sorts of side thoughts floating in the head were cleanly organised.

I should make a report first.

Although I had no intentions to move to the conducting department, I should still report to the teacher. Taking off my jacket and placing it nearby, I opened my mouth to talk about this and that.

“Sir, today I…”

It felt like I was showing off and was a little embarrassing but I still talked without hiding a single thing. From how teacher Ku Mingi called me, to how he complimented me a lot – especially my ears – and that he had asked whether I would like to go to the conducting department or not but that I had no such thoughts… I told him everything.

Hearing up to there, teacher Kwak Jungsoo gave a slow nod.

“Right. You were always good with expression and analysis. Now I can see that it was because your impressions were deeper and wider than others. It’s a good thing as an opera singer.”

“Ah…”

Being complimented by teacher Kwak Jungsoo made my body twist. Ah, my body’s seriously not good with compliments and I felt like I would get rashes.

I quickly changed the topic.

“Then what would be the best way to develop that ability? In terms of opera that is.”