111 Curiosity And The City Of The Dead (2/2)

A tidal wave of the undead suddenly dashed towards me and my bovine creation. Undead exploded out of their tents, and hateful incorporeal beings swooped down on the cow. I watched, lazily, as the closest undead reached my creation and tore into the thing.

The cow mooed in pain, as the zombie reached the beast and bit into its hide-covered loins. The zombie energetically bit into the thickest part of the cow, but the other undead were more efficient. One of them, a powerful wright, held an iron axe and used it to swiftly decapitate the bovine beast.

The cow's head was blown off of its body. A spurt of blood shot out and provided the almost entirely black and white backdrop of the city with a single, solitary splash of color. The body provided the undead with food and entertainment for nearly an entire minute, before the thing was reduced to bones.

I wasn't going to allow the bones to remain idle. I wordlessly cast a single spell and reanimated the bones of the beast, creating the newest member of my legion of the undead. The skeletal cow ambled to life, reanimating as speedily as it came to life. This bored the other undead, who quickly went back to their homes or just mindlessly shuffled around the plaza.

[Althos...] The system muttered, sounding annoyed.

”What? The undead were hungry and I can do what I want with the cows I create from start to finish.” I replied, annoyed at the system.

[This is one of the first arguably evil acts you've done in days.] The system replied, causing me to be surprised.

”What do you mean? I do evil acts all the time.” I told the system, while trying to come up with examples. None came to mind.

[No you don't. You didn't even kill slavers, which... wouldn't really be evil, though it'd be closer to evil than most things you do.] The system responded.

[You aren't even really chaotic neutral. If you were a mortal your alignment would definitely be neutral good.] The system told me, saying something that surprised me.

”Wait, really?” I asked, shock coloring my voice. I heard an almost robotic voice chuckle in response to my shock.

[Yes! The evilest thing you've done, the first interaction you had with Okig, you did on accident. The next most evil thing you've done was you killing slavers, and you stopped killing them as soon as they surrendered. They were also practicing humanoid sacrifice. You were very clearly the good guy in that scenario.] The system said, speaking oddly snarkily as it did so.

[Do you not want to be neutral-good in alignment? After a while, I just sort of... figured you wanted to be neutral good.] The system remarked. At first, I thought it was being sarcastic but I realized it wasn't when the silence between us filled the air. It was at this point that I came up with a rebuttal to its claims that I didn't act evilly.

”I destroyed the town of Florida!” I told the system. It chuckled at me.

[At the behest of the system. Your acts of good have always been unprovoked and only rarely bring you a real direct benefit. Your acts of evil have almost always required significant prodding from the system and the promise of greater power.] The system said while laughing robotically.

[You don't act evilly for the sake of advancing evil, you sometimes do things that are kind of dickish either by accident or for the sake of gaining greater power. Power which you proceed to use... To improve life, for the living. Even when the living are assholes.] The system added, chuckling.

I sighed, annoyed at its remarks. I was mostly annoyed that I felt like the system was right and I couldn't rebut it.

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I didn't want to be a good-aligned god. I felt that that was... restrictive. I wanted freedom. I wanted to be able to influence everything, good and bad alike, and for people to know to expect that. Being a good-aligned god felt like it would lead to me being stuck in a role I didn't want to be stuck in.

I hated slavery because it infringed on the freedom of others. I didn't want my freedom to be infringed upon. I didn't want to be restricted. Being neutral felt like a way for me to acquire the freedom for myself that I knew I wanted. It felt like... a way for me to be true to myself.

It was that sort of thinking that led me to say what I said next.

”I don't want to be neutral good. Whether it's by standards that are mortal in nature, or divine. I want to be neutral. That is how I feel that I can most acquire the sort of... spiritual freedom I want.” I told the system, plainly stating my desires for one of the first times in my life.

[Then why don't you act like it?] The system replied, speaking to me in a way that was somewhat refreshingly frank.

[You are not balanced. You are not neutral. Or at least you don't act like it. You are... good, fundamentally. Maybe neutral good, maybe chaotic good, but basing things on your actions alone you are definitely some form of good.] The system told me, stressing it. Stressing me.

”I don't want to be. And shouldn't that count for something?” I asked, feeling... anger well up within me.

[It does, but if anything it highlights the reality that you are not neutral. At least... by mortal standards. The fact that you resist your nature accentuates your goodness, it doesn't undo it.] The system proclaimed, speaking arrogantly. This deeply angered me.

”What are you talking about?” I asked, anger seeping into my voice.

[It is more challenging to resist evil urges and behave kindly, or justly, than it is to behave kindly, justly, when it is one's nature to do so. As a god, you've consistently resisted your innate desires because your innate desires are not always conducive to the needs and desires of those who possess less power than you do. Your acts of kindness, even if they have sometimes been in your self-interest, are meaningful. They color your soul.] The system explained, speaking a bit more gently now.

I considered the system's words for a moment. And then made me reminisce. I reflected on my life, and on the things I had done to date. I recalled the times I had felt dark urges well up within me, and the ways I had resisted those urges. It felt... odd to reflect on my life to date.

”I don't want to be good. And I suppose it's time that I act on my desires.” I said, a few moments after I began to think back on all of the events that led me to this point.

”I want to be free. And tying myself to goodness is not freeing. It doesn't give me the freedom I want to have.” I muttered, feeling a few of the domains within me growing a bit excited at what I was saying. I could feel their dark impulses surging within me. I sighed and pushed them back down.

”That doesn't mean being an unrepentant monster. I must... find my own way.” I said, not wanting to be a scourge who decimates and destroys without feeling. That said, their excitement still lurked within me, just dulled to an extent.

”But what do I want?” I asked, not speaking to the system, but to myself.