Chapter 206 (1/2)

Smiling to himself Super Secret Agent Secret Most High Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd trotted out to his vehicle. He had spent two days immersing himself in documentaries about Terran espionage, taking close notes. He had discovered there were four types of agents, but it was easy to decide which kind he was.

Saboteur, which looked like a lot of work and seemed to damage a lot. While the escapes were amazing, and seemed to be the focus of the documentary, he knew there was only one of him and when he'd checked the Underground Railroad it had been converted to mass transit. While he was capable of using explosives, nerve gas, and other methods, he decided that was too risky.

Kinetic, which involved seeking out enemy spies and killing them with hand to hand and knife techniques. That only took two documentaries about a secret agent named Born for him to decide that he wasn't cut out for kinetic spying. Plus, those documentaries mainly focused around a spy who was slated for termination by his own agency then attacking the agency until it left him alone.

Terran spycraft seemed really risky to Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd.

Theft or discovery of information was the third. That was more Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd's speed. Just go in, look around, maybe copy some stuff off of a computer, and then walk away and blend into the crowd. That last part would be difficult, but Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd knew if he made it out of sight he'd just change his pelt color and pattern and be home free.

Then there was the hybrid.

Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd knew he was a sneaky spy. Which meant, from everything he had seen on the documentaries, he'd need gadgets.

First of all, he needed to make sure he had a proper vehicle. All spies that were involved with Terrans had to have certain things with their vehicles.

Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd had looked up the nearest vehicle customization service with the highest customer rating and decided that was who he wanted to make his vehicle more spy-ee.

He got in, settled down on the white leather couch, and brought up the car's VI.

”Where are we going today, boss?” it asked.

”Dale's Totallly Legit Chop Shop,” Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd said.

”Uh, boss, are you sure?” the VI asked.

”Of course. They seem as if they can perform the vehicle modifications I want,” Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd said.

”You know, you're just renting this car. You can't get mods done to a car you rent,” the VI said. ”Oh, they also sell cars. Make sure they transfer me.”

”Of course,” Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd answered. ”I am ready to depart.”

”Uh you have your guns, right?” the VI asked.

”Yes,” he told the VI.

”You might wanna have them in your hands. This is a rough part of town,” the VI answered. ”It's an Urban Wars Simulation Zone,” the VI paused. ”Uh, boss, you're no SUDS'd.”

”What's that mean?” Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd said, frowning.

”You don't have a neural imprint copying system. If you get shot in the face you're gone, you don't get reprinted at the nearest facility,” the VI said. ”Once you're dead, boss, you're dead.”

Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd frowned. ”Wait. If a Terran is killed they just come right back?”

”Yeah, boss, some places guarantee an hour or less,” the VI said.

”And it's that dangerous?” Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd asked.

”It's an Urban Combat Zone Simulation, from the old Urban Wars just prior to the Glassing. There's bushes there that will eat you if the cybergangs don't get you,” the VI answered.

”Hmmm, perhaps I should call them?” he said.

”Naw, let's get you an escort. Hang on, you'll have a call coming in,” the VI said, pulling out. ”I'll drive around while you talk.”

Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd's datalink pinged and the words ”INCOMING CALL - LONESTAR SECURITY” popped up in his vision. He answered the car.

”Ya'ahrd, Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd, Lanaktallan Spy speaking,” he said, proud of the way he was able to emulate the Bongistan accent.

There was a 'snerk' noise. ”Um, it's Captain Half-feather, with Lonestar Security. You were interested in a protection plan?” the voice asked. It was an odd voice, deep and resonant with an odd timbre in it that demanded almost immediate respect.

”Yes, personal and property,” Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd said. ”I think I'd like some armed guards. Do you have a 'secret agent from an enemy nation during a time of war' package?”

”Well, Mister Ya'ahrd, let me check,” the voice said. ”Hmmm, mmhmm, ah, yes, we do. And, running your credit, it appears you also qualify for our Foreign National Supervillain plan with optional volcano lair.”

Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd trembled with excitement. A volcano lair? He'd be the envy of all the other Secret Level Spies.

”Yes, that will do nicely,” Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd said.

”Now, do you want the scantily dressed female Terrans bodyguards or the giant cyborg bodyguards?” the Terran asked.

”Yes,” Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd blurted out excitedly. ”Oh, do you have ones that half their faces are menacing cybernetics and the other half has visually appealing villanous scarring?”

There was silence a moment. ”Yes. Yes we do,” Captain Half-Feather answered. ”Well, it looks like we have a special on Cyber-Ninjas too. Would you like to sign up for that package?”

”Oh, that sounds exciting. How will I tell they're working?” Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd asked. ”I saw on the documentaries that they're invisible.”

”That's the best part, you can't! You know, Ninja invisibility,” Captain Half-Feather answered. ”Now, we're having another special on former Special Forces from collapsed nations, meaning their loyalty would be to your bank account rather than an active nations. They would have crude looking cybernetic that are actually quite effective.”

”Can the leader have what looks like an animal claw injury on his face and like to drive giant combat robots and fight with knives? I am not a good knife fighter and it seems as if knives are the leading causing of death of spies right behind explosions,” Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd said.

There was the 'snerk' sound again. ”Absolutely, sir. I know just the man. Now, have you discussed vehicle options?”

”I would like a jet pack.”

Another 'snerk' noise, and Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd just chalked it up to a verbal tic. ”Very well, sir. Anything else?”

”A car with hidden hover capability, an ejection seat, machineguns, a rocket launcher, and armored,” Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd stated.

”Ah, you want to Burgerland Interstate rated vehicle with an ejection seat? Excellent choice, sir. Would you like to use your dataslate to select colors and vehicle type as well as uniforms,” Captain Half-Feather said. ”I'll put you on hold while I see what other things we can offer you.”

”I'll bring up the dataslate, boss,” the VI said. The dataslate slid out of the dash and lifted up in front of him.

Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd was amazed by the different vehicles. Hover vehicles, some looking quite militaristic and deadly, ground vehicle, even tanks! There were two different jet-packs to choose from and Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd chose the one that had the simulated exhaust and made a loud roaring noise.

For colors he picked red and white, to appropriate the colors on his credit card. White armor with red highlights and a hoofprint on the shoulders. It looked quite snazzy with opaque face-shields.

Going through the options he discovered there was actually nearly a dozen islands just off the coast of the Hamburger Kingdom. He carefully mused over them and chose one. It told him that a representative would meet with him to create the floorplan.

His credit line, of course, was approved.

A package delivery drone dropped off the jetpack while he was picking all the options for his vehicle. An OCP SUX 9000, which got 1.5 miles to the gallon and had nearly 8,000 horse power. Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd wasn't quite sure what a horse was, but that was definitely a lot of them.

The vehicle would be delivered to the hotel he was at.

”OK, boss, have you ever used a jet-pack?” the VI asked.

”No, but many spies seem to use it, so I figured it was best I get one,” Ba'ahn Ya'ahrd said.

”Of course,” the VI said.