Chapter 29 - Messy Burger (1/2)

My mind is in chaos, I can't figure out the way to get out from here. It's like I'm trapped in a whirlwind, moving round and round of a same thing. As simple and easy it may look like in reality it's hard to except the fact.

What is love?

A feeling that makes you happy when you're with your loved one.

A feeling of joy that makes you see everything positively.

A feeling of power that gives you strength to overcome any situation.

That's what all I thought or knew about . But to experience it for the first time may become a great challenge to me.

It's useless to deny the fact that I love Stella. At this point no matter how hard I try to ignore these thoughts I end up getting deeper into this mess. I can finally understand what love feels like. After being in all those past relationships I never felt it before which is why they never lasted. I am happy being like this although the problem is I'm afraid Stella doesn't feel the same way for me.

She married me to get away from her family and live her own life. I married her to avoid thinking about marriage and deal with my parents. We both agreed to this that we'd have separate lives, the one we wanna live. All this time she's been a great friend to me and supported me when I was upset, gave me advises when I needed it.

What if I confess my love to her and she rejects me?

We may have so many conversations together but I never asked about her love life or if she had any relationship. I mean unless I needed any advice for my relationship I never brought that topic up.

On this account I am remembering the nightclub incident. That day, I got so annoyed hearing about Stella befriending other guys from Regina. Now I know why it happened. But what Regina said can't be disregarded. For now I'm just a friend to Stella and our marriage is just a signature on papers. I have no rights to keep her away from other guys.

It makes me scared to be rejected by her. Being dumped by my ex girlfriends had never bothered me. What I fear most is, getting into an awkward situation with Stella. I love how we are right now.

So, to avoid those mishaps I decided to continue our lifestyle just the way it is. But there are times when I feel the urge to get close with her. It's not easy to live with the person, you love so much and they aren't aware of the fact.

My dreams were vivid and hazy. I'd wake up in middle of the nights. I was slowly becoming depressed from keeping all these stuffs secret. I still haven't told her that I broke up with Regina. I haven't contacted Regina either. My only focus was work. But even after working heavily I still managed to get home before dinner.

It was the only best thing of the day. We did talk, eat and sometimes watch movies. Days were going like this. My depression got worse even though I tried to hide it, people around me began to noticed it.

I didn't mind them, my only concern was that I have to hide it from Stella.

I reached home on time and went straight to my room. Getting inside the bathroom I calmed myself with a cold shower. When I got out from there I wore my clothes and went downstairs. I sat down on my chair waiting for the food.

” Welcome back. How was your day?” Hearing Stella's voice I moved my head to see her.

” Good. What about yours?” I noticed that she brought one plate with her. As she placed it down, I saw it was a burger, which had some French fries on the side.

” Nothing unusual.” I frowned at her.

” Burger? You ordered food today?”

” No dummy! I cooked it and I made it as healthy as possible so don't worry much about your diet.” It's been a long since I had a burger I mean eating burger in a five star restaurant is kinda abnormal.