Chapter 65 - My SI Stash #65 - I Think I Might want to Avoid F_u_c_k_i_n_g Them All by Charlemagne (Pokemon) (1/2)
-The randomness of this NSFW SI fic has got me laughing so bad. Probably the best Pokemon fic I've ever read.
(❤´艸｀❤)
Sypnosis: ???
Rated: M
Words: 44K
Posted on: forum.questionablequesting.com/threads/i-think-i-might-want-to-avoid-f_u_c_k_i_n_g-them-all-pokemon-cyoa-si.7507/threadmarks?category_id=4 (Charlemagne)
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Chapter 1
”So tell me, are you a boy, or a girl?”
I stared the old man before me, the only thing visible in the colorless void I had inhabited since I had died, the only conversation I had had in what felt like an eternity was now with a guy wearing a lab coat with weird hair.
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”A boy.”
”Very well, boy it is then.” He seemed to scribble something down on his pad. ”Very well, I'm finished with you then, Professor Birch will explain the rest. Off you go.”
”Wait? what? That's it, just asking my gender and sending me away?”
”You have already made your choices, remembering them is your responsibility.” the strange scientist replied. ”Now be on your way.”
He waved a hand and I felt myself s_u_c_k_e_d down away from him. Like being flushed down a toilet.
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I awoke in a surreal state, looking down at a Gameboy straight from my childhood. The screen playing the opening to Pokémon Emerald. I went through the motions, stopping to think when I needed to select a name. ”Hmm, might as well go with Charles.” I decided, naming it after myself always felt a little tacky, but It was still what I did most of the time.
As the intro wrapped up I felt the surreal atmosphere drop, and the memories slammed into the back of my head like the moving truck I was currently hidden inside of.
I felt the bile rise in my throat as the full reality of my situation hit me. I WAS Brendan, or Charles rather, I had been inserted somehow into this boy, or rather I had been in him since birth, but only now was consciously aware of it? I had memories of acting on my previous world's memories before now, they just never came to anything because even though I was now a young teenager I was still a kid, and unless you're a trainer you have few real rights in this Pokémon world.
But this wasn't the wholesome, kid-friendly Pokémon world I knew.
Oh sure, people still kept them as pets, they were still quite cute, often unrealistically so, but that didn't mean they weren't also semi-sapient animals that occasionally ate people.
Honestly It seems almost impossible that humanity could even survive before poke-balls in a world where these creatures existed. Though to be fair, given the population density in most places it seems like they mostly didn't. The world really is o_b_s_c_e_n_ely harsh, every day it seemed that there were reports in the newspaper of people being killed by wild pokemon. Sometimes even r_a_p_ed first if they were unlucky.
And I was even more of a target for that than most people.
”Reduced Senescence” the doctors and scientists called it.” ”A lucky bastard” some idiots called it. ”**** bait” I called it, and I knew it better than any of them. My aging was easily a quarter the normal rate.
See the thing about going through the first couple years of middle school surrounded by girls who are hormonal as f_u_c_k and gravitate towards cute things is that they really don't give a flying f_u_c_k about ethics. Not to mention that rumors spread fast.
Going through middle school looking like a toddler was bad enough, but a week into my first year I tripped and fell in Gym class, half of my ten-inch c_o_c_k falling out of my shorts. The doctors had no idea what to call that condition, by the way, they doc_u_mented it and took s_p_e_r_m counts and all that, but no verdict was reached, something to do with my lack of aging and high food consumption most likely, they said occasional checkups sure, but nothing to worry about.
Obviously, they never had to deal with horny older girls twice their size who have no idea how to positively express their emotions and no sense of morality whatsoever. The first time I was pushed into a bathroom and r_a_p_ed by a group of four of them I went to get help from our gym teacher. This turned out to be a colossal mistake, as while asking where they had touched me, she started fondling my p_e_n_i_s, eventually tying me to a chair with a jump rope and raping me herself. Needless to say, I went to authorities beyond the school at that point.
My parents got into a huge fight with the school, and within two months we left the Johto region, dad securing a new job as a normal type gym leader here in Hoenn. So they packed me up into the back of a moving truck, taking me off into the region often called ”The land of water”
Hoenn itself is sort of like a less American version of the wild west in this world, while a few major cities exist, they are all port cities, and the Inland is harsh and inhospitable with little real law enforcement beyond the Pokémon league trainers, some of whom have a bad reputation. The Islands around it are a mixed bag, some more civilized some not, but the ocean was teeming with the infamously dangerous sea rapist known as Tentacool. Though the region is famed for being fairly high tech, what with the pokenav, Wallace's megastructures, and the rocketry base. These are only diamonds in the rough, however, and ”The Land of Water” is, as often as not ”The Land of Blood”. The Casualty rates due to wild pokemon and natural disasters were particularly high here.
On the other hand, Johto wasn't much better what with being at war all the time. Either way, this world isn't friendly to humans or civilization beyond small pockets, and Hoenn was less friendly than most places.
'Yeah, I'm sure my pokemon journey is gonna be loads of fun.' the truck gently rolled to a stop as I put the Gameboy down, the rolling door slowly opening to reveal our new home, a small, two bedroom two bathroom house in the tiny community of Littleroot town, with a population of less than a hundred people in 36 houses spread around a fenced in square of ground with a gate at one end. The larger form of the Pokémon research center sat prominently in the middle of the city.
'Oh goddamnit, not this again.' I swear I was never Clumsy in my previous life, now I hardly go a day without falling over into something. B_r_e_a_s_ts are unfortunately one of the more common things for me to fall into, it's like im cursed to be an ecchi comedy protagonist.
”Oh my, did you fall into those, here let me put you down.”
The Machoke showed admirable restraint, despite a blush on her face, placing me down on the ground and flexing to show off her muscles as I apologized to her.
”I'm sorry miss Machoke”
”Ah, you can speak to Pokémon kid? That's a rare power, you'd make a fine mate, here let me show you the goods” She started intensely flexing, her muscles tensing and rippling like the ocean. 'F_u_c_k_i_n_g bodybuilder pokemon.'
”Nothankyougoodbye”
I went quickly hurrying inside before it got past the mating dance stage. Trainer pokemon were generally better about dealing with people than wild ones, but I seemed to attract all the worst sorts in this life, so I decided not to take chances. Plus it seemed like actually being able to communicate with them was a turn on for most pokemon, I asked dad's Biggest Slaking about it one time, and he told me that it's a rare ability that's normally about as d_e_s_i_r_ed as Pokerus, and that dad's team would totally be all over me if I was a girl. This was not a happy thought so I dispelled it quickly.
To this day I'm glad that dad only has male pokemon on his team. Though the Slakings just letting their massive P_e_n_i_ses hang around was pretty gross.
”Remember to set your clock while you're up there Charles.” my mother yelled up to me from her place in the living room, and I dutifully obliged, marching up to the antique device.
I've got no idea whether that's an appearance thing or some sort of curse, did I piss off a magic user as a baby or what? Fortunately, my dad's pretty strong, so I've managed to dodge most of the heat because he can beat most trainers, but it still is a type of unexpected risk I need to take seriously going forward on my journey.
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”Charles, Charles, come quickly your father is on the TV”
I ran out of my room and down the stairs, I had been waiting for that cue for two hours after all. I had played the game enough to know how it started basically verbatim.
”Coming mom”
As expected I got into the room just in time to see the interview with my father end, approaching my mom, I pulled on her skirt to get her attention, as I was only half her height.
”Hey mom, when will I get to see dad again?” He had apparently relocated to Petalburg when he had signed the contract for the house.