Chapter 60 - My SI Stash #60 - Unfortunately, I’m not a Hero by Sage_of_Eyes (My Teen Rom Com) (1/2)

-I just can't get over my Oregairu addiction... Yes this isn't SI, but still give it a try.

*Hachiman in a surprisingly very serious Monster Girls universe. He's summoned by the Empire to be the Hero to defeat the Demon Lord. But la di da turns out the Empire are sc_u_m and the monsters are the slightly tolerable and good ones.

*The same pragmatic Hachiman will become a badass General for the Demon Lord.

Sypnosis: Stolen from his world one winter night, Hikigaya Hachiman found himself in an alternate world. Surely, this means that he shall become a hero that fights again evil with extraordiary abilities. Wait. What's this collar? What do you mean I have to either fight or die? Why the heck are all the monsters girls!?

What kid of shit setting is this and why the hell is everything so difficult? Where's my shitty cheat skill!?

I want a refund!

Rated: T

Words: 72K

Posted on: forums.spacebattles.com/threads/unfortunately-i'm-not-a-hero-oreigaru-x-mge-lite.800668/threadmarks

(Sage_of_Eyes)

PS: If you're not able to copy/paste the link, you have everything in here to find it, by simply searching the author and the story title. It sucks that you can't copy links on mobile (*´ー｀*)

-I'll be putting the chapter ones of all the fanfics mentioned, to give you guys a sample if you wan't more please do go to the website and support the author! (And maybe even convince them to start uploading chapters in here as well!)

Chapter 1.1-1.4

Usefulness is dictated by circ_u_mstance. While individuals will look upon the likes of plumbers, janitors, and garbagemen with disdain, the fact remains that when they're needed, they're irreplaceable. People give up their freedoms to become cogs in the machine called society so that water comes to them, they're protected, and they don't have to touch waste. Societies built upon ideas and dreams will inevitably falter and fail due to corruption and tyranny, but while societies of mutual dependence will inevitably falter, they'll persist.

Why?

Because human beings used to certain standards will consider that standard the norm, therefore give up more to maintain it, thus becoming nothing more than puppets dancing to a tune.

That was true in my previous world and in this one as well.

At the very least, this new world I've been summoned into is refreshingly honest about what they want and d_e_s_i_r_e from those they kidnap from other worlds.

Problem: Demon armies.

Solution: interdimensional conscription of those who won't be missed.

Rinse and repeat, until demon armies are swallowed by bodies of people who can't refuse you, who you've enslaved, and who you don't care for in the slightest.

In all honesty, I'd enjoy reading such an Isekai novel. The main character just being shit on, until he either breaks or rises above the occasion would be a fresh breeze through the stagnant halls of the genre. Not that it wasn't stagnant from the moment it was conceptualized in the mind of some wishy-washy mouth-breather/Zaimokuza-type, since it's all derivative and unoriginal in the first place, but I'm uncultured and have no taste, therefore I like such things. I would very much like to an MC get the what for, struggle, and maybe survive only because of the sacrifice of other people.

Needless to say, I didn't like it when I was the aforementioned MC in a setting where I can only suffer.

I lasted the longest of my batch of fellow individuals who were kidnapped.

Some had attempted to escape initially, but they were turned into examples of how much control our new masters had over us. The moment they grouped up and tried to run, it was as though Kira came down from the heavens with the Death Note in hand to express his disp_l_e_a_s_u_r_e upon them. Yep, disobeying means a heart attack and a stroke. Nothing silly like electricity or ”lightning magic.” That was only to punish. Everyone is replaceable, therefore there's no need for such extravagant measures.

Those who had potential for magic were taken away to be taught, arrayed into massive lines, and then act as artillery batteries that commanders didn't have to worry about re-positioning.

All that were left were individuals who could use their bodies and hold spears, wearing only what they had on their backs.

Thereafter, battle after battle, my ”group” got whittled down.

Some had potential to be warriors, awakening some cheap bullshit while in combat, and they were taken away to be ablative vanguards. A few had proficiencies for ranged weapons, then they were deployed as sacrificial skirmishers to disrupt supply lines. And, of course, those who weren't particularly special all just died during battles, even after better armor and equipment was given to us every time we survive.

Eventually, I was leading a group of newly-kidnapped individuals from other worlds entirely, without anyone of my group remaining.

The veteran slave leading the rest into combat against monstergirls.

Hmmm?

What's that?

Yeah, I said monstergirls.

What of it?

Trust me, if this was some sort of l_e_w_d world, I wouldn't nearly be as f_u_c_k_e_d in the head as I am now. They are simply monsters who must be overcome through calculated sacrifice of chaff. The humans of the world we came into are nothing besides completely rational and utterly focused.

There was no l_e_w_d plot twist to be had.

Well, or so I thought, until I fell in battle and woke up again.

The plot twist was apparently the human empire kidnapping people to wage war for them across dimensions was the bad guy all along.

And the monstergirls were the good guys.

Again, who would've thought that the wizards kidnapping able-bodied individuals from across time and space to fight their wars against a whole world out for their blood are the bad guys?

Really.

Truly.

Surprising.

…

It goes to show the uselessness of education that not many high-schoolers from modern worlds managed to survive battles where they're forced to fight or die. In fact, according to my very-useful liason when I awoke in a ward with my crest removed, the human kingdoms preferred to recruit from worlds that were more tribal or feudal in nature. Teens from those time periods tended to either be farmers, warriors, or other sorts of laborers.

Things modern teenagers are not.

They also only looked for people with a certain amount of fitness.

Again, something most modern teenagers are not.

Zaimokuza, I'm sorry to say, you're too f_u_c_k_i_n_g fat to be an Isekai protagonist. I sincerely apologize (not) for being the bearer of bad news, regarding the fact that you have too much of a belly to live out your dreams.

Regardless, while I was not a laborer, warrior, or of a society that considered violence the norm, years of staying healthy, as to not invite scorn and become another Zaimokuza-type had f_u_c_k_e_d me over.

Disregarding the fact I'll never see my family again, am permanently trapped in another world, and will forever live with the knowledge that someone, somewhere is kidnapping people to be used as slave-warriors, the Monstergirls weren't exactly in good shape. The constant stream of bodies flooding into the borders of their empire, with the backbone of the actual, magic-using human army, was stretching their forces to the limit. Though they were numerous, individually more capable, and had far more land, due to not being pricks and willing to work with one another, that wasn't enough to deal with the constant onslaught of able-bodied individuals who either fought or died.

Thus, I was given the option of helping them out.

And, thus, I decided not to.

The moment the option to go somewhere peaceful was offered… I took it. Two years of being a slave, having to claw my way up from trash to trash who looked after the rest of the trash, was something that I intended to put behind me. What's that? Why don't I continue fighting, so I could perhaps find a means to get back home? First, I'm not an idiot. Second, I do not enjoy fighting. Third, I like living, preferably comfortably and with as little contact with other people as much as possible.

Upon my rescue, I looked forward to either living in the woods for the rest of my life, or finding a small town to become the grumpiest old man at. In a world devoid of entertainment, I figured that I'd either become a farmer, maybe write a few books, and do something else besides fight an empire that has the ability to kidnap and enslave others from across time and space. Anything, actually, sounded better than that.

Unfortunately, my dream of a life of simplicity and peace did not come to be.

Why?

Because, after I was given the option to leave, I was identified, taken aside, and told what I was really going to do.

By a Dragon.

Of the monstergirl variety.

But, still, a Dragon.

As expected, there's more than one way to enslave a person in this world.

…

I would've been pretty happy to meet the Demon Lord in her throne room. Throne rooms, after all, are in the center of the capital city of any faction. It is the defacto place for a ruler to stay safe, secure, and strategize at. Meaning, of course, that it the safest place to be during war. Even wars that involved magic that could level entire cities, killing the leader of an entire country indiscriminately would only result in massive reprisal, welcoming the same attack upon oneself, and utterly eradicating a chance for an armistice.

Unfortunately, the Demon Lord led from the front, because this was a total war of extinction, no chance of armistice was possible, and the only way this was going to end was complete destruction of the other side. Even worse, she was the commander of the cohort of monstergirls that destroyed mine. And, finally the worst possible thing in the history ever, was that it wasn't luck that kept me alive in that fight… I was looked for, found, and apprehended.

In conclusion, I already knew what happened before the tent's entrance was opened for me.

I was taken for my skills by one side, so that I'd use them on the other side.

Therefore, naturally, I had to f_u_c_k up as much as I possibly could, so they'd just let me go.

If f_u_c_k_i_n_g up didn't get me killed, of course.

…

The Demon Lord was as a Demon, as expected. As far a battlefield opponent went, Demons were typically commanders who strode into combat and laid waste to just about everyone they fought. In game terms, they were Hero Units for those particularly enthused by real-time strategy. Each one had their specialty, the gimmick that they used to best effect, and they had to be killed by sacrificing a lot of a chaff while someone from range kills them slowly… or they're stabbed in the back.

Naturally, I was part of the chaff that was supposed to die for an opening.

”There's no need for you to have your weapon drawn, Jean. Without weapons, he cannot harm either of us.” Typical and stereotypical were the best words for the red-haired, horned, and armored woman looking over the massive map. It was the same kind that I used the night before, when planning the attack, so I was able to tell where to look. Yep, there's the piece that represented me and mine. Ooh, it's a black and gold pawn, instead of just black like all the other slave-units. Neat. ”Our former opponent is wasted in combat. I'm sure that he agrees.”

Huh, despite looking like a generic Demon Lord, she didn't act as I expected. There were no ”ara ara's” nor were there ”ohohoho's.” Also, despite her looks, there was no signs of flirtatious or salacious behavior. Indeed, she walked toward me clad fully in plate-mail from neck down, and offered me her hand to shake.

When I managed it, after a moment, she didn't smile and simply nodded.

”Well met, but there's no time to waste. You're healed, you're fed, and now you will aid me in composing a plan to extract my forces from one of the pincer movements the empire adopted since you came to lead.” With a gesture at the parchment map, magic formed a more comprehensive picture of the battlefield. ”Tell me what you see, as I can't see a means to withdraw without suffering utterly grievous losses.”

Terrain came to life, models became surrounded by armies and projected a number, and other, important information streamed in. However, most of all, I noticed that the now ”living” units of the Demon Lord were sending in information and updates, as well as requests for orders. Given how my body guard looked upon it with no surprise, and how easily the Demon Lord called upon it, it was probably common for well-supplied, military commanders. Now that I think about it, my kidnappers got the hang of fast-maneuvering very quickly and responded to threats with reinforcements quickly.

So, I was being f_u_c_k_e_d over not only on the battlefield, but also on the tactical and strategic level by my former captors.

What a bunch of d_i_c_ks.

However, I was now being tested and I was just informed that my abilities were well-known.

It couldn't hurt to try to act stupid, though—

”Your help is most appreciated. Rest assured that your fellows will be treated with the best possible care upon our successful retreat.”

Well, shit.

”You overextended to take out a priority target, but took prisoners and a baggage train. No wonder I managed to push you back.” I understood that these people are stuck in the medieval age, but this is a clear case of stupidity. ”Fire whoever taught you tactics, because this little escapade is going to get you killed.”

The Dragon growled, but I ignored her even when the Demon Lord didn't tell her to stop. There was no sign of her drawing her sword, or acting stupid, due to just a set of words. My hostess's features did not change either, she just smiled and nodded at my words. They were competent and strong, but they were tactically and strategically inept. No f_u_c_k_i_n_g wonder they were being pushed back by shitty mass-wave attacks and half-assed tactics.

”The next time you do this, you need make a force that you can afford to lose, but has a chance of doing what you told them to do.” Risk, reward, and cost. That was the ultimate determinant of any operation. If you can afford the payment, then risk can be ignored, then you can acquire the reward. Needless to say, monstergirls could've afford a steep body count, and even if they took out plenty of people, it didn't matter of those people were worthless in the eyes of their masters. ”What you should've done is had me kidnapped by your people who weren't worthless, because now you're f_u_c_k_e_d.”

”I'll remember that, but first the problem at hand.” The Demon Lord gestured towards the table. She moved to show me where we were, but got there before her. As far as magic went, I had next to nothing, but that was the typical case. I was able to interact with the magical map. There was the river that the battle had been fought on, there was the artillery, and cavalry. The infantry wasn't present, because that was my job and I'd failed at it. So, that should've been it. We would've had to face the heavy hitters, just artillery and cavalry, but that wasn't the case. ”How do you propose to deal with these two other divisions that have arrived, which have encircled us after being reinforced by the remnants of your own?”

The typical response an infantry portion of a division being lost was a full-strength division in a day's time. It was the typical strategy of reinforcing the backline, then leapfrogging, thus having a defended rear and a chance to rest troops.

I had no clue where the second division came from, but that didn't matter at all.

I needed to deal with the problem at hand, just I'd been ever since I'd been summoned in this damn world to be a slave thrown into a meat-grinder.

Thankfully, this time around, I was actually fighting to survive.

That meant, I was more than willing to play dirty, instead of cribbing off of history.

Joy of joys, I get to f_u_c_k over the people who f_u_c_k_e_d over my entire f_u_c_k_i_n_g life.

The only thing that could make this better was if I could do without worrying about dying if I failed.

Spite, after all, is best enjoyed without your target being able to hit back.

I suppose that I'll have to manage until the time comes.

...

1.2

...

As multitudes of edgy, one-sided MCs would tell you, the only thing that matters in a fight is that you win. However, as expected of their monofocus, lack of intelligence, and 1-dimensional, mouth breather nature, they're dime-a-dozen warriors who can win fights, perhaps even battles, but not wars.

In war, everything matters, and if one thing that matters is f_u_c_k_e_d, there's no victory even if you win dozens of battles.

I only managed to get to my current circ_u_mstances, because I happened to know what I needed to do in order to be important, whilst any other comparable kidnappee won battles for the Empire, I progressed their plans, got them what they needed, and outlived the meatheads who actually believed winning fights and battles would get them freedom.

The only freedom to be had, after we were magically shackled, was to die on our own terms.

Since the Freedom True Ending was completely impossible, I changed routes, because I wasn't an idiot.

Edgy MCs with paper-like skin would continue on their path until the end, where they died ignominiously, hilariously, and deservedly.

Source: me.

Anyway, survival had been my first priority, then gathering power, and finally acquiring a whole division of meatshields. The longer I lived, even if it meant sacrificing others and placating my interdimensional, magical kidnappers, was my victory. Ms. Degurechaff will certainly be proud of me and my actions, as I'm sure it's perfectly in line with the rules of modern, logical, and capitalistic society.

Exploitation for one's own gain is never wrong, as long as it profits society and maintains social order.

It just so happened that the society and social order I was maintaining happened to be interdimensional enslavers who all deserved to die.

That part wasn't my fault, but the result of my actions saving the lives of babies, men, and women of the interdimensional invaders who deserved to die were certainly attributed to me.

The number of lives I exchanged in order to be seen as someone who had to be captured and used as an asset is well into the thousands. Fighting retreats, suicidal flanking maneuvers, and ambushes against superior opponents ate up people without distinction. However, the Empire saw the bodies of their enemies pile up, or their true troops coming back safe, so it didn't matter what I did, so long as I got those favorable results with troops destined to die anyway.

In their eyes, I was saving the lives of those they considered people, therefore I had worth.

Therefore, I secured my life, while being a good person.

Again, for the interdimensional slavers, but that's just how it goes.

Naturally, my fellow kidnappers noticed that I was surviving fights and currying favor, while they were dying.

That's the point where an edgy, brainlet who's just ”clever” would have been introduced to a harem of knives while he slept.

However, it was never going to be me.

Why?

Well, of course, I had a commodity that everyone wanted. I gained the right to live, to be viewed favorably, and was asked to lead, while many were told to die. I approached those who understood that, who wanted the same safety, and betrayed the rest of my fellows to die on battlefields, while I led from the rear with capable guards.

Well, a guard.

The time difference between the point where I started getting odd looks from my troops, shortly after the Empire started treating me like an asset, and got captured by the Demon Lord is about… a month?

You can't expect a guy like me to get a cadre of people around himself instantly, even if I happened to offer a prolonged, miserable existence as a slave, who proceeded to step on shoulder after shoulder to live, I still happened to be a loner first and foremost.

The fact that I managed to get one capable, loyal guard is something worthy of praise, dammit!

Even if, technically, I was cheating because I saved her life and her ass-backwards culture meant that I owned her now or something.

Technically, I saved her life twice over, so I'm just right twice, anyway!

…

After my meeting with my new boss, who gave me the impossible assignment of escaping a pincer attack against a foe that outnumbered us three times over, I did the first thing any sane person would do.

Fetch my bodyguard who'd protect them with their life.

Naturally, since the Demon Lord intended to secure my aid, she captured as much of my troops as possible. And, given her forces were mostly composed of Dragons, ”as much as possible” pretty much meant everyone. Yep, my whole division had been captured, and were now being used as collateral.

Whatever the case, the only person who mattered in the deluge of degenerates across dimensions I directed lived and stood before me now.

”Yo.”

”You live. How unfortunate for me. I thought I was free.” Ur didn't look particularly glad. In fact, even though she was standing upright in an iron cage, she looked as though she tried to pick a fight with the almighty Truck-kun, Hero of the Empire. Yeah, she definitely tried to keep her word, despite facing a force composed of dragons and led by the Demon Lord. ”I presume that you have been freed of your collar, too? And, that you intend to fight against the Empire which stole us from our homes?”

”I wouldn't if I could help it. I'd rather leave all you idiots behind, but we're going to be attacked by three divisions, along with some actual Empire troops.” I wasn't particularly interested in how my guard got beaten to a pulp, but still made her guards hesitate when they were told to release her to get healed. I could only presume that she did something incredibly stupid and insane, while I'd been unconscious. ”Get out of there, and come get healed, because we have work to do.”

”You have no need of me or anyone else now. You have monsters at your disposal now. Monsters that have defeated me and mine.” Golden eyes met my own through ebony locks. Despite the purple and black splotches stretching across her tanned skin, Ur remained defiant. As far as meatheads went, she was the pinnacle of her kind. Worthless in conversation, academics, and anything generally acceptable in modern society, but decent in a fight… against monsters. That is to say, I was getting tired of her honorable warrior bullshit already. ”I am of no use to you any longer. Death is my only course.”

”You can die when you pay me back for saving your life and failing to save mine, which means: only when I f_u_c_k_i_n_g let you.” Tribal warriors from other dimensions needed a firm hand. Their societies were born in worlds filled with monsters, threats, and other things that would kill most loners in their cribs. Unfortunately, they used all their skill points to spec into physical attributes and used everything else as dump stats. ”So, come on, stop moping, and get yourself healed, because I can't leave you to die, so I might as well use you to get some payback.”

”I understand. Then, my life remains yours to spend.” As usual, Ur was powered by idiocy and determination. The moment I clarified that I wasn't an idiot, that I still needed her, and that she didn't fail, she fell into my arms. Being a tanned, tribal warrior that was specialized as a shock trooper, I barely managed to keep the meathead up when she fell face-forward. She was about an hour away from being dead on her feet, but the wonders of healing magic never ceased to amaze. I held up my shitty, doubting, and idiot guard, while she was tended to. She had to gall to hold onto me after nearly crushing me, too. Idiot. ”Wake me when the battle begins.”

Tch.

”You f_u_c_k_i_n_g moron.” It didn't take an IQ of over nine-thousand to discern the truth. While I'd been knocked out, kidnapped, and taken care of lie everyone else, Ur had fought. Either she did so after she awakened while being healed, or she kept fighting until she was caged, then refused to rest. The hands the clung onto my shoulders, rigid even while their owner closed her eyes and breathed easy, were covered in cuts, bruises, and torn skin. I saw bone and a lack of nails on some of her fingertips. ”You need to start to think with your brain, instead of your fists.”

Thankfully, since she passed out, she didn't have anything stupid to say after my retort.

Now, with her in my part of the court, I could get the rest of the division in line.

Having authority was nice, but being able to call on unspeakable violence upon those who refused my whims was even better.

…

”You recruited the vast majority of your division to fight for you once more, despite the freedom I offered them.”

”Please, stop stating the obvious, before I starting questioning your intelligence.” The Demon Lord's guards glared at me, but I kept eating my meal. The wonders of being the guest of a commander who was also the de facto leader of a whole nation-state had its perks. I was enjoying freshly-baked bread, a slab of meat, and some fresh fruit, as was Ur. Despite enjoying being the smuggest smug to ever smug, I was eating properly, while my bodyguard was getting food on her… everything. I really can't get away with being cool at anything, huh?. ”So, now that we have ablative, you and yours can do the heavy lifting. I've told my forces to start entrenching, so prepare yours for counter attacks.”

”You intend to use those who pledged their lives to you as a distractions for my forces, just as you've done for the Empire.” The Demon Lord stood. Clad in plate armor and with curved horns that bent over her skull and through a mane of scarlet hair, she was quite the intimidating sight. The only reason that Ur didn't stand up for me to fight against the threat was that the meathead knew that she couldn't do anything besides die with me against the Demon Lord. ”And, I believed you kind when you so readily agreed to fight for me when I told you of our circ_u_mstances.”

”It'll still be ”kind” to those who survive the battle, which you dragged everyone into. If you don't like the idea, just fly away and leave everyone to die.” It is said that those who have no pride shift the blame upon others. If such a saying was true, then I was saving the Demon Lord quite a bit of shame. This situation was a result of her actions. Not mine. ”That's what I have for the problem you've given me, ojou-sama.”

Surprisingly, none of the guards drew their swords, so that the Demon Lord could show off being noble by raising her hand and stopping them. Damn, it's been such a long time since I've seen anime that I'm trying to make it happen in real life. In retrospect, it's a bad idea to provoke dragon-girls, but it would've been pretty cool to see that particular scene happen in real life.

I'll take the Demon Lord getting pissed off for the first time since we met as compensation, though.

”Unacceptable. I swore upon those you've consigned to be fodder that they would have new lives.” The distance between the two of us decreased with each word. Walking and following the edge of the table, she soon loomed over me. There was no trace of her beauty any longer. Her face was occluded by a mass of darkness which also came forth from the joints in her armor. Yes, without a doubt, she was the beast that plowed through my division's lines, past Ur, and swallowed me in pain and darkness. ”Upon my family's name, upon the ideals that the alliance between all the tribes were crafted, I swore they would be free from their lives as fodder for blades, magic, and claws.”

There was no dramatic pause, no chance for me to get another word in, as the Demon Lord looked at me with disgust and disdain which was barely restrained.